


We Are

by a_pathetic0524



Series: Red Strings [1]
Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Alpha Yamashita Toru, Alpha!Toru / Omega!Taka, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author is currently learning English ~, Cliche, Drama & Romance, Getting to Know Each Other, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Omega Moriuchi | Morita Takahiro, Omega Verse, One True Pairing, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Third Person Limited, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Taka cursed a lot, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama, Teenagers, Theme should be clear enough, Trigger Warning won't be added, True Mates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2018-10-06 05:37:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 49,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10326839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_pathetic0524/pseuds/a_pathetic0524
Summary: After a year, Morita Takahiro decides to return to what he thinks as ‘a normal life’. In his journey to normalize his life, he meets Yamashita Toru, an Alpha who always looks hurt every time their eyes meet.

Young and hopeless, are how 18 years old Morita Takahiro and 17 years old Yamashita Toru starts their journey to find their color inside the darkness that surrounds them.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  Credit :  
>  \- Title © ONE OK ROCK  
>  \- Suzuhira Mai © to whom I dedicated my work, always, Sou (Cocuke) (With modifications from me) No one in ONE OK ROCK owned by me, though, if God permitt, I want to keep Toru and Taka for myself and marry them to each other. English isn't my first language. Bad grammars and lack of vocabs, however I'll try to learn more as the story progressed, and expect I'll edit the previous chapter into better wordings :). But, don't worry there'll be no change in story.
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Important note :**  
>  \- ABO Dynamics in this story may be different from your knowledge.  
>  \- Based on the major things happened towards them in this story and the background, Toru's and Taka's personality will be slightly different. (i.e : Taka isn't interested in a woman nor he was a pervert, because of _what he is_ in this story).
> 
> More info about ABO Dynamic / Omegaverse : [click here](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Alpha/Beta/Omega)
> 
> .  
>  .  
>  .
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this story. :"D

 

 

 

“Takahiro?”

He stopped after a warm, gentle voice called his name. “What is it, Mom?” Smile was absent from his mother's face with doubt gleaming in her eyes and her brows almost joined. Taka let out a faint sigh and drew a weary smile. He turned toward his mother to give her a hug. With full of love he caressed the mother of three's back to comfort her. Distance came to them and a warm palm greeted his left cheek. His palm met the back of his mother's hand. He closed his eyes, letting the warm to spread to his chest. To his heart.

“I'll be fine, don't worry.” After all, he has _it._

 

 •••

 

It was the first Monday in May. The Spring moved slow to reach its perk before the Summer arrived. Cherry blossoms bloomed in grace and painted the world under the broad blue sky with its pink petals. Today was the first day of school for Morita Takahiro. Actually, the first day of first semester started in April, yet, his first day started a month late. It would be a little hard for him to adapt, yes, especially with the fact he was also repeated year (no, no, not because he was stupid or lazy, okay?) but it doesn't mean he would never adapted.

At the principal room Takahiro checked himself in the mirror prepared there. The principal told him the mirror placed there to help the old guy to check himself before any important meeting. Hmm, his hair nice combed, though since he is a curly haired it appeared messy; nothing weird with his face, handsome as always; his white uniform looked perfect in framing his lithe figure and his black, European style uniform suits made him as if he gained weight after he wore it, the tailor made a mistake in measured his size for the suits it seemed. No problem, could help him to warm his body better during the cold seasons.

His school's logo was drawn on the left side of the suits's chest. Two lions on each side, two pens crossed inside the emblem on the center, and a crown on the top center, and the school's name at the bottom, completed with 1948, the established year of his school, above it. Different from his suit, the slacks fitted him well and it reached his ankle too. A black leather belt encircled his slender waist, hidden under his shirttail. His socks were black, but the school slippers were white.

His ears pierced with small loops earring indeed, the school allowed students to pierce their ears and dye their hair as long as it wasn't looked too striking. For example, the ear piercing must be in the lobe, no piercing your nose and tongue too and the allowed hair dyes are only brown and blond. Because of his curly hair the principal told him to not have afro hair, since once a student had it. Well, he was indeed a curly haired, however, he swore, it doesn't mean it'd be afro if he let it grows longer. Tsk.

He done checking at the same time with his homeroom teacher knocked.

“Ready for the class?” the homeroom teacher asked with a wide smile adorning his face.

Taka nodded with an awkward smile in his face. “Yeah.”

Had no worry Takahiro, _everything will be alright._

 

•••

 

Kirishima-sensei was a math teacher in his mid-50s. His army trimmed hair had turned grey and he is a bit taller than a 162cm (5'3) him. The blue shirt he wore looked taut around his big belly.

“Today you will have a new friend,” he talked in breathy way when he introduced him to the class. There was _no scent_ oozed from the middle aged teacher's body.

Taka peered around the class. In their walk from the principal room towards class 3-5 he placed on, Kirishima-sensei told him the class had 21 students after him. The number of the students in each class was kept small to make the teacher more focus in helping the student to learn. There were 8 groups per year, from 1-8. In this class the number of the male students were more than the female which, he counted, there were only 7 of them. However, he noticed how the number of the male students was less than it should be by one student.

There were two empty desks. One would be his and the other was, of course, the absent student's. He preferred the one beside the outer windows, rearmost, but he never considers himself as a good student.

As usual there were many types of students he could find in this class. From the normal ones to the interesting ones. For example, the guy who sat in the frontmost desk of the second row from the door. The student is an epitome of a smart student he would find in boys comic magazine with his eww, greasy side combed hair that maybe he oiled with hair oil usually used by old men. Big, square glasses perched in full of pride on his nose.

Then, ah, rearmost the same row as greasy glasses, this one, ha ha ha, a contrast of greasy glasses, a yankee!

This yankee had blond, no, orange spiky hair and with that bulky body he looked like a Dragon Ball's character. Sat in thug's manner with his back leaned low to the chair and hands inside his slacks's pockets.

What's with that piercing stare he had for him? Was that guy that type? The one destined to be in the top of society pyramid. Mr. Kirishima told him there only one of _those_ in this class.

Let's move to the girls.

He found another strong contrast between two female students who sat side by side in the middle rows. Both of them could be the female versions of the previous male students. Though rather than yankee the first girl more like a typical makeup girl who had nothing inside her bag, but makeup. She busied herself powdering her already caked face. On her left was the greasy glasses's twin sister—would be amazing if yes—her greasy, black long hair was braided into two. Rather than gave him any attention she had her eyes locked to a thick book. She kept fixing her round glasses. Is that broken?

Somehow they had no differences with his old classmates.  _Do they still remembered the old him?_

“Morita-san, please introduce yourself.”

Taka took a deep breath.

He glanced at his teacher who moved to the side to give him space. “Okay,” he said, nodding his head before he positioned himself to the center of the class. The thumps behind his ribs were nice, he had practiced this moment last night. Let's hope nothing stupid would happen and for a year ahead he becomes known as that-student-who-did-stupid-thing-during-his-introduction.

Where should he start? Uh.. right.

Taka cleared his throat. “Hi, name is–uh.. oh.. wait..” Shit, good job, a mistake right after opening your mouth, stupid Takahiro. Perfect that some people laughing at you! Dammit.

He turned his back, took a chalk and wrote his name on the blackboard. “My name is.. Moriuc... ah!” Shit. Wrong kanji.

“Take it easy, Darl',” a girl chaffed.

Taka sighed. Well, sometimes, you forgot about a thing you had since you were born after it suddenly changed though months has passed. He erased the wrong half-written kanji he then corrected. 'Rice field'. On the right side of his name's kanjis he wrote hiraganas for how to read his name.

“Morita Takahiro.”

He observed his name for a moment and nodded his head before he put the chalk back to its place. “This is my name,” he said as he turned toward his classmate for one year ahead. 

“You guys can call me 'Taka',” his eyes scanned the classroom, he frowned when he found this one student who was busy eating behind a small text book. Yeah, food is more important than the new guy. “.. and I'm 18 years old.“

Taka scratched his neck. “.. And.. yea.. think you could guess why I still in my senior year..” when he should have graduated in March, if .. if everything.. “.. then why I joined in May.. it's because.. yeah..” He shrugged, grinning with awkward laugh coming from his mouth. “.. something..“ Hell yeah, awkward and thank you for giving him long, blank stares with nothing to say. Dammit.

What could he does? It had been almost a year he left the world, going back to school would be hard for him. Not to mention he started in a weird time.

_But.._

"Uh, that's it.." Taka scratched his head. His raven curls became even messier. "So, let's be frien–"

_.. he believe.._

“Sorry I'm late.”

_.. everything should be back like the beginning. Before anything happened._

A voice cut his words off—luscious, mesmerising, deep and rasp it was, suited the tall, good looking teen who just entered the classroom. His wet, messy blond fringes hid his bedroom eyes a bit. It confined a pair of dark irises which could take away his soul as their eyes interlocked.

“Oh..” Taka stepped back when the unfamiliar student stopped in front of him. Those brows frowned, and his soul-taking irises scanned him from toe to top, leaving an uncomfortable feeling on his spine.

What he sees from him?

He gasped when he noticed the bruises on the blond's face. On his right cheekbone, nose, the corner of his lips and his bottom lip split. While on his messy shirt, drops of red making trail on his collar, and chest. Blood? It had not yet turned brown.

Did this guy had an accident? A fight. With the strong intimidating _scent_ the blond oozed he realised this is the student his homeroom teacher told him.

The one he should make a distance with.

 _An Alpha_.

“You..” The blond came closer.

“W-what?” Taka shuddered. In a sudden the strong intimidating scent turned into a threatening one, terrorising every senses he has. His blood running cold, his heart pounded fast and began to choke.

“..Don't..”

A glimpse of memory he wanted to erase replayed in his head as the familiar scent immersed itself in his sense. The day when he was trapped in a hopelessness with nowhere to run.

“.. Please..” The cold fingers tried to reach him. The same fingers from that day. The same fingers which forced him to stay in his place as the owner begged him for forgiveness.

No matter how many times he said 'no'. No matter how many times he asked to stop.

Until finally, he lost his voice.

“Wasn't you..,” the deep baritone vibrated his tympanic. The familiar scent was too menace for him to realise how it spoken. He jolted when his left cheek met the cold palm, made him threw himself backward against the blackboard. 

Taka moaned in pain. Outside the mist surrounded them a name was echoed,

Yamashita.

His soul was taken away by those irises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Sou, my wifey, for helping me though she sick and @crying_koala2610 for being the first reader. I will try to not make this discontinued. Again, thank you for reading. :")


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  ABO dynamic here is mostly my imaginations mixed with what well-known among the fans of Omegaverse. Again, please beware about the differences between ABO dynamic in this story and your knowledge. So, here you go. I hope you'll enjoy it!!

 

 

 

“Yamashita!” one yelled the blond's name, then the others followed and it became a distortion. Only the name he could hear among them. And, since when he sat on the floor with his legs weak was outside his knowledge.

Taka breathed as fast as the pulsations behind his ribs. Lowering his head, his eyes reflected his own hands that fell limps between his thighs. Anxious, he tried to find what he was hiding inside his suits's pocket. His trembling hand held it tight until bloods left his knuckle, and it became as pale as his face. Sweats trailed his jawline. But, holding the familiar texture from a small bottle made the tenses on his shoulders began to leave.

A small bottle filled with _it_.

Something which again lit the candle that lost its fire. A haunting and intimidating scent stole his fire, in a day where the sun shone the brightest and crickets sang at the night.

Was it the same, with the scent he smelled from the blond teen?

But, why? Why the expression's the teen had seemed―

“Back off!” ―hurt.

_Why?_

Taka gasped when a girl stood between them with her back faced at him. “What do you think you're doing?” For the second time she shoved the blond teen who then tried to balance himself after the rough shove. He lowered his head, running his sight to the other side as if he refrained himself from staring at the girl.

He startled when he met the soul eating irises and under his instinct he looked away. _Scary._

“Are you going to hurt another one, Yamashita?” Her tone was unpleasant, as if she talked about a secret only them knew. Though, when unclear murmurs filled the classroom and they darted the blond with disgusted look, he was sure all of them shared the secret.

What is it?

“Class please be quiet.” The homeroom teacher huffed when he warned the class. “Morita-san?” he asked him which made him jolt, while scratching his nape.

Taka nodded.

“Good.” The homeroom teacher grimaced, he turned to the female student, “Suzuhira-san please calm down,” then toward the blond, “and you Yamashita-san...” He frowned, waiting for a reason after what the blond did to him.

“I don't realised it,” the baritone said, “...sorry.” his eyes stared at the floor, and his blond fringes hid his hurt look he had on his stiff, expressionless face. Expresionless, but hurt.

_Why?_

Questions jumped in his head drove by the curiosity embraced him.

The blond teen shook his head. He stiffened his jaw when he peered at him and the teacher, though immediately he turned his face and walked away. 

“Ya-Yamashita? Where are you going?”

Neither the empty desks were his destination. Even though the homeroom teacher called his name and ran after him, the blond teen continued walking and in the end disappeared behind the wall, leaving the class and the homeroom teacher who tapped his nape and sighed.

Why?

Captivated by the blond he kept staring at the door, without realising the tenses he had were no longer lingered on his shoulders.  
  
“Hey, are you okay?”

A high pitched, bell-like voice made him jumped. The female student crouched in front of him.

“W-what?” he asked, confused.

She tucked her honey brown, shoulder length hair behind her right ear. There was no pheromone scent coming from her, beside a strong, man-made vanilla fragrance. 

“I said are you...mm...?” She narrowed her wide-set eyes and full of questions he stared at him. As if she found something different from what she thought, she raised her brow.

“What...” He blinked.

“Eh? I thought you are an Omega,” she blurted.

Shit.

Taka strengthened his clutch on what he hid in his school suits's pocked. He took a deep breath, and drawing a faint smile to his face. “No...I...” He stared at the floor. “I'm...” He exhaled before he fixed his stare on the girl's eyes.

“I'm a Beta too, same as you.”

_He can't breathe—and please, don't stare at him like that._

She frowned deeper, but shook her head afterward and rose from her position to lend him a hand.

“T-thanks.”

Taka accepted her offer, trying to stand until a sharp pain attacked his back and he fell back on his knee. He trembled, shaken by the pain.

Shit.  
  
It must be because he threw his back at the wall when he tried to run from the blond's cold fingers. Like those fingers from that day, it tried to grab him.

“Shit...”

_Shit. Shit._

_From all the time he had, why must it happened today? Why must today he met that kind? On his first day. He wasn't even finished his introduction._

The girl wrapped her arm on his shoulders. “Taka, are you okay?” she repeated.

Taka buried his forehead on her shoulder as she enveloped him with her arms. His delicate fingers clutched her uniform's shirttail.

“No...Not at all...”

 

•••

 

_‘Primary’ and ‘Secondary’._

_—are how humans's sex is divided._

 

A sweet smell from a cooked meat greeted his sense and forced him to open his eyes. Taka stared at a figure who stood in front of windows as he tried to get back his full consciousness. Despite the smell, he sure enough he was in the infirmary and the standing figure wearing a white doctor coat.

He took a deep breathe, still leaning on his stomach on top of the bed with nothing framed his upper body. Though he refused to take off his unifom when the school doctor told him to, so he could put a huge band-aid thing to ease his back pain, the girl forced him.

That Suzu? Suzuki? Suzushii? Shizu? What? Ah, ok, shit, Mai said something about he acted as if he is an Omega and he might lied to her when he said he is a Beta. Annoyed, he did it. Good thing the band-aid _did_ ease his pain. He even fell asleep.

 

_For simple, primary sexes are females and males—or how the previous Omegas and Alphas are known._

 

“Are you feeling better?” the school doctor asked, smiling from cheek to cheek and perhaps brighter than the sun. “It's lunch break already, anyway.”

Taka yawned. “I don't know.”

 

_Alphas are blessed with a strong pheromone or scent which almost always sparked fight between their kind, whether territorial or for a mate. Most fights wounded up in killing each other. This caused a great loss in their kind, not to mention they tend to kill their Alpha kins, as they feel threatened for their position as the pack's leader._

 

“Probably,” he said as he rolled to the bed's edge and lay on his side, watching at what the school doctor does. 

 

_Centuries passed and in the edge of extinction Alphas started to evolve and had less and less strong pheromone. This is how males betas are started to exist, and in the end, leaving only a few with their pure strong scent. The lost of the strong, threatening pheromones made them also lost their tough and tall appearances, and strength as it became unnecessary._

 

“Of course” the school doctor opened his mouth, turning at him with a big grin on his face, “you skipped the math class. So, you must be feel better, right?”

Taka snorted. “Yeah, you know it.” There were something about this person that urged him to land and smack or two. IF he kept the fact that this guy was his teacher and he could be kicked out from the school aside.

 

_Omegas for a reason he forgot what then also evolved, following their Alphas. They are started losing their weak and soothing, yet sweet and seductive pheromones or scents and no longer need to wait for heat to be impregnated. If the Alphas became weaker as they are evolved into male Betas, Omegas became stronger as they evolved to female Betas. What most of omegas wishes for—‘to be stronger’. Physically and in society, as Omegas were no more than a weaker that only had a use to produce kins._

_Sucks._

 

He sat on the bed edge, reaching for his uniform shirt he folded beside a pillow and wore it; exposing himself to a male Beta made him feel uneasy, despite betas.

“Kanki-sensei,” he opened his mouth and regretted it afterward.

"Yes, what it is, Taka-chan?"

Irritating. The way the school doctor called his name was irritating.

 

_Soon, following the evolved Alphas and Omegas genetics into male betas and female Betas, some genetics became mutants. A male born as Omegas and a female born as Alphas, the rarest creatures than the original Alphas and Omegas themselves._

_Thus, the secondary sexes then created, and somehow much more important than the primary sexes. Alpha, Beta and Omega had become something that decides someone's caste in the social system. Alphas are the highest and Omegas are the lowest._

 

_He is a Beta._

 

“That.” Taka pointed at the desk under the open windows. He was one bed away from the desk, so it was easy to see what were on the desk beside the books, clearfiles or anything that supposed to be on a school's doctor desk. However, what caught his attention was— “Is that a grill?” —an electric grill that stood on the middle of the table. Plates and a tray with meat strips were also on the table.

“Ah!” The school doctor tapped his palms, then turned toward the grill. Smokes flew outside and medicines's smell were nowhere. The usual antiseptic scented room was not existed here. This room is a yakiniku restaurant than an infirmary. “Yes, I'm grilling!” And, he was sure enough this good were neither Alphas or Omegas. Too stupid to be an Alpha and if he is an Omega he should be able to smell the almost like sedative scent even among the yakiniku's smell. That was his special ability to be him.

The school doctor walked closer to his desk. He took a clamp from above the meat tray and he then checked the meat he grilled. Taka raised his brow, when the guy hummed.

“You know, Taka-chan,” the guy sounded happy, “this is the best yakiniku meat I could find from a minimarket closer from here.”

He flipped the meats. “I thought only from a traditional market I could get a good meat, but, eh, I was wrong.”

“And you know what, Taka-chan? This meat is sooo absolutely good, so juicy, and the best part is to grill this until every corners of the meat strip crisp. The moment you eat it,” the school doctor turned at him and his smile grew wider than a school yard as he showed a satisfaction on his face, “it's heaven.”

"Are you even a school doctor?" he yelled.

Annoying, this guy is.

Taka ruffled his curly hair. He stepped out from the bed and get closer to a chair where he drapped his school suits. The school doctor looked so happy when he laid another strips on the grill. “You do that in infirm—”

“Tomo-sensei!”

A quiet room became madness when a scream cut short his word. Two students appeared in front of them. One arm carried by the other. The expression on the student who carried his friend was dead scared and afraid. 

“Ryota? Toru?” The horrified school doctor marched toward the two teenagers to help carrying the injured student.

The arm carried student was more horrible than when he saw him this morning. Bloods dripped from his nose, dyed his drenched white shirt. His cheeks turned purplish and his lips chapped.

Taka stunned as his eyes fell upon the head with the blond strands that hid the familiar face. He found nothing intimidating about the student this time. The soul-eating irises gleamed nothing, but sadness.

Sadness that turned into hurt the moment their eyes interlocked.

Taka swallowed his saliva, “You...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Disclaimer : Suzuhira Mai is a minor character owned by my wife, Sou. From our roleplaying plot for Kiriya Hyuuga and Daisuke Morita in a certain Indonesian RPF. I stole the name. “ψ(｀∇´)ψ Thank you for reading. :")


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

 

What happened?

What the fuck was happened?

Taka creased his forehead when he saw the terrible looking blond Alpha he met this morning in the class. More bruises, more bloods and more awful. Bloods dotted his drenched white shirt reminded him of pink cherry blossom's petals blooming in May.

Yamashita. Was he got in a fight? Bullied? Even though it's impossible for someone blessed as him to be bullied—except by his own kind. Perhaps, he got an accident. What was even more wrong is the way his irises tells him sadness whenever their eyes met. ‘Why?’ played in his head over and over as if a broken cassete. He startled when the Alpha averted his gaze, hiding his expression behind his gold fringes. Startled, he did the same.

“Wait, Toru?” his friend yelped when the blond pushed both of the school doctor and him.

“What?” Taka stepped back when he realised the injured Alpha rushed to him. Repeated what was happening this morning.

But, this time he was unable to run from those cold-looking fingers.

“Please.. ,” he begged, shaking his head and his visions blurred by fear. He grunted when the Alpha grabbed his slender arm. His body shaken by the intimidating scent the Alpha induced him with. “.. don't..,” he said, choked by his own breath.

Taka lowered his head and shut his eyes tight. He bent his body with his other arm hugged himself as if he was confined in a small space. The blond's fingers freezed his skin, his body and his bravery. His scent mortified him as it pierced every of his senses.

“You..” The Alpha whispered. He shuddered when the Alpha's breath brushed his cheek and his ear.

‘Toru’ those how the other persons in this room called the Alpha, trying to stop the stronger kind from what he did to him.

The Alpha clicked his tongue. He pulled his hand, “Get out.” and pushed him to be swept away by the gravity.

Taka stumbled.

“Oi,” He turned around when the unpleasant low baritone vibrated his ears.

“Wha—mpft!” He fell on his ass when 'a shadow' tried to eat him. In his head he scream as loud as he could as he thought he was going to die. He grabbed 'the shadow', pulled it and threw it as far as possible. His hunting breath filled his ears when he stayed silence in his place to gain his sanity back. And, when he did he blinked in confusion. The corner of his lips twitched, blood rushed in his veins as if it going to explode when he realised what 'the shadow' is.

"What the fuck is your problem with me, Fucking Blondie?!"

 _It was his school suit_.

 

•••

 

He will kill that Alpha!

Taka cursed in his head while he chopping the steak hamburg as if it had offensed all his family's seven generations. “Fucking Blondie.” He stabbed the poor cow carcasses with the knife before he ate the piece of meat he stabbed. He chewed the meat loud, stabbed another and ate it with his nostrils flared. Though, rather than the cow carcasses he wanted to stab the fucking Alpha more.

He blew a long sigh. This morning he smelled a familiar scent from the same Alpha when he induced him with his sickening scent. Somehow, for a moment, he thought he saw _that person_ shaped himself in the blond. However, his scent was different when he smelled it again in the infirmary. Maybe, it was just because he was nervous with his first day and not yet ready to meet that kind. His reaction was better than what he thought would be, though.

But—“...”—nah, never mind.

Anyway, he hates those shits.

“Tsk.” Just because they were born as someone who is destined with a brighter future like a university's said, they treated others like trash. Just because we were weaker. Shit. If he could, he'd chop that blond into pieces and do it far worst than what he did to his steak. He'd throw the meat and burn it to save cats and dogs from eating it. They'll be poisoned.

“Are you on your _pre-heat syndrome_?”

What? “Shut up.”

A girl stood in front of him, full of pride with her arms on her hips. Her caramel irises judged him as if he was a cornered thief trying to escape.

Taka furrowed his brow. “You..”

“Trying to threaten me?” she asked, raising her thin brow and she glared at the knife he pointed at her out of consciousness.

Yea shit.

“I'm not.” He pulled his arm and continued chopping the steak. “Also I _am_ a Beta,” he affirmed.

What a troublesome girl.

She kept associating him with the lowest kind in the social system ever since this morning after she —what she claimed as—  _saved_ him from the blond Alpha. She said it also when they were in the infirmary as she forced him to take off his shirt or he was indeed an Omega.

Shit. This girl.

Mai something, her name is.

She pulled a chair and sat on it, wrapping her arms on the table though later she placed her right elbow on the table instead to lie her pointy chin on her palm. “Hm..” She observed him, squinting her eyes.

“Don't stare at me like that,” he protested while still busy chewing his steak. Thanks to that weird doctor, he craved for steak. Only the hamburg one was sold in the cafetaria, but it was enough and better than nothing. Probably, he'd get a second plate later.

If she kept talking however,

 _“Are you really not an Omega, Taka?”_ He would lose his appetite for sure.

Taka lifted his head with his brows almost joined in the middle of his forehead. He showed the fact his eyes telling dejection.

“I'm a Beta.”

How many times should he said it?

Taka bit the inside of his cheek, trying to look calm he kept eating. The steak had lost its tastiness for his buds and the way she observed him after what she asked, left him with bitterness. Why she needs to know what _is_ he?

“You know,” Mai leaned forward, her smile grew when she talked, “you're smaller than me, pretty.” She paused and then chuckled, wonder what was so interesting for her about him. “Look at your soft jawline and your slender neck, Taka.”

 _There's no mirror_.

“I swear many will envy you—I did too.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Then, she went on on how alluring his sultry irises are. How his brown eyes are so dark that it reminded her of a night sky. And, how it was a waste to have it hidden under his long curl fringes and he should cropped his fringes a bit. She'd help him if he wanted.

She carved a dainty smile to her pretty face, “I will lie, if I say you aren't looking delicate and frail.”

So, his physical features, eh?

Yeah, ‘ _it’ hid_  his scent, but he knew, ‘ _it’'d never_ change his features.

“I think it's usual,” he said as devoured a piece of steak. Chewed it in no haste and he voiced what he thought when he done. “For Betas to be mistaken as Alphas or Omegas,” he said. “We began from them.”

Taka leaned forward, he observed the girl across him. “Look at yourself, Mai, you're tall for a Beta.” Most female Betas would be at the same height as him and even shorter, a few of them even as short as female Omegas. “Are you sure you aren't an Alpha?” If he saw it from her strong, out-going nature, he was sure enough Mai would be mistaken as an Alpha. Not to mention if he remembered how she acted toward the blond Alpha. Fearless.

For him, he was blessed with his physical appearance. He was considered as tall among his kind, and despite his fragile and delicate look, there were more of his kind that were smaller and weaker than him. Some of them would have curved body like their female counterparts, to the point they had breasts which usually appeared on the third semester of pregnancy. And, to attain their androgynous look, they'd wear gender neutral clothing and grow their hair long. Few of them, even wearing makeup–it'd never be him.

“That's why, it's usual if I look like an Omega.”

Taka sighed, peering at his plate with the last quarter of hamburg steak and untouched fries and veggies still there despite he felt full–yet starved. “Thanks for the food,” he said, tapping his palms to each other then he emptied his glass of water. He rose from his seat without opening his mouth for a single world, leaving the girl who confusedly asked him why he doesn't finish his lunch with cold shoulders. Well, who was to blame when he didn't finish his lunch?

“Taka, wait,” the girl gasped and catched her steps with him. The cafeteria had went back into quiet as they leave, since lunch break would happen in around an hour. He was questioned by the seller when he arrived at their stall to order a steak, did he skip class? And, he answered he was sick because he got in a trouble with an Alpha and this fucking Alpha shoved him out from the infirmary. The seller pitied him, though he dislike to be pitied, he said nothing since he starved. He was happy eating until this annoying girl appeared.

“What are you doing here?” he asked the girl who rhymed her steps with him, walking side by side with her made him noticed their height differences. Maybe around 5 centimeters–2 inches.

She was a pretty girl with heart shaped face, yet had boring short lashes and small soft nose. “I worried about you, you know?” she said, puffing her cheeks. “I went to check your condition, but Kanki-sensei said you had left. I tried to find you like—everywhere,” she shrugged, “backyard, roof, even toilet but I found you eating in cafeteria instead.” Her skin flushed in faded blood color when she grinned, her glistened rosebud lips curving a smile to her face. Those were what made her looked pretty—maybe a little handsome for a female Beta.

“Thanks.” 

She must be popular among her kind male counterparts and Alphas. No matter how annoying she was, he adored how she always talked what she thought without fear as if nothing restrained her.

“You're very welcome, Taka.”

He envied her a bit.

Silence joined them as they strolled the empty corridor. The sun ray shone upon the cherry blossom's trees, painting their shadows on the floor they walked on.

“Hey, Taka,” the bell-like voice chased away the silence.

“What?” Taka raised his brow.

“Why did you got transfered? And in a weird time too, if I may ask?”

Ah, this questions should be asked if the fucking blond Alpha did not ruined his first day. “One month late and yeah.. it's okay if you don't want to answer,” she grimaced.

Got left behind for a year and got transferred in a weird time, than joining last month he joined in May. “It's ok.” What happened this morning made everything seemed worst. Dammit.

“It's ok.” He thud his shoulders. “I was hospitalised.”

In the next second she had her brows nearly joined, eyes a bit droppy and her eyes looked wet. No surprise.

“I got out in March,” he took a deep breath, “and this school is the closest from my house.”

“Accident?” she softly whispered.

“Yeah.”

Those were true, he was indeed hospitalised and his house was actually his grandmother's house than his parents. Not where he grew up.

“Was—”

Though, anything she might thought about ‘accident’, would be out of her imaginations.

Sadly.

“—was that why you had scars on your belly, Taka?”

“Scars?” His eyes widened, teeth bitting the inside of his underlip. What may asked, had succeeded pulling a brake. He stopped—they stopped.

Mai turned to him, making them stood face to face. “I'm sorry.” She hung her head. “I accidentally saw it..”

Ah, when he took his clothes off. Made sense.

“..I am sorry, Taka.. I shouldn't have asking you..”

_When was the last time he feels warm, since it was taken away from him twice?_

Taka balled his fingers into a fist, too strong until his nails throbbed his palms. He drew a faint smile. Weary. “Yeah, the scars..” He averted his gaze. “..were because the.. yea..” Cold freezed his heart. 

“Don't worry about that.”

“A–Ah..” Mai walked ahead of him, her shoulder length brown hair gently waving. There was no more question. “Let's go back to class, Taka. Sensei would be mad if I don't return soon.” The topic had changed.

Taka shook his head. “I'm not interested,” he said, turning around, “tell the teacher I still sick and cannot wake up.” He waved his hand he walked away, giving no attention on what she said.

He didn't hate Mai.

She was a kind and bright girl. Too bright for the current him.

Taka stopped his steps, looking behind to find she was not there anymore. He peered at the yard behind the sun ray gleaming windows. Sakura trees lined on the yard's sides, showing their elegance by dancing alongside the Spring's winds. Their falling petals tinted the light brown ground bellow, adding beautiful details to the nature painting framed by the big corridor windows.

Next month Summer will arrived and it will be year since his last. Where his every day had turned into a freezing Winter. Once, he thought it'd stay forever, but he was wrong the day he found out he'd _a soul_ inside him. Was _that person_ and his, but he was happy. The happiest moment after that day. The belly he caressed, was flat now, once, there was a small hill of _Hope._

“I'm hungry.”

He found his lost summer in the Autumn, when he realized he was no more alone, no more trapped in a maze with nowhere to go. For a short time. As the last leaf of Autumn fell from its twigs became the sign of a Winter, he was trapped again inside the icy maze.

This time, it would be eternal.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind comments and kudos, and let's see if ToruKa going to have pups too. :) Note : **Pups/Pup = Children/Kids**. Since it's an Omegaverse I decided to use it. Here we go, I hope you'll enjoy it.

 

 

 

To stay awake was his option.

For him there were always nights when he opted to stay awake rather than falling into a dream world, no matter how hard his body begged him to. Stress was blamed in several articles he read on the internet in the previous days. A Darth Vader in every ‘ _What's Keeping You Awake’'_ s articles. 

True, he was stressed, and it kept him awake. Stressed because a chance to dream unneeded dream was huge. That was why he denied sleep for tonight until later it becomes too hard to have his eyes wide opens. As he waited for the morning to arrive he lay flat on his bed, staring at dark ceiling above him in his boring hours. Sometimes it would help him to sleep and he would dream nothing. He wished, tonight would be the same when he decides to close his eyes and falls into unconsciousness. Sleeping.

Taka reached his phone he placed on top of the bedside table. 3:16 a.m was shown in the screen, it meant around three hours before he needs to wake up and does this certain ‘training’ his grandmother told him to do. She would notice if did not get any sleep. He sighed and placed his phone back on to the table before he rose to sit. Headache attacked him when what he did were just either lay down and rolled his body to wherever he wanted to. He massaged his temple and down to his nape chasing away all the tiredness there.

He sighed.

What Mai asked him before they parted way bothered him tonight. He should've known Mai, and that school doctor would see it when he took off his uniform. It was his fault, he could keep his shirt, yet he took it off because Mai said he must be an Omega if he did not.

The insecurity and stupidity of his; and he was the one who mad at her.

_You'd mad at him, because he was too stupid, right?_

In a sweet manner he touched his belly and caressed it. Several months ago he could feel how he became fat as his belly grew, but, tonight, he felt nothing more. What left beind the wifebeater he wore as pajamas were two non-straight line patched his skin as if it was a fabric that once tore into two.

“Does an unborn pup really went to heaven?” 

Never once he understands a concept of the afterlife blabbered by a bunch of weirdos on the television—not that he cared about it. Heaven and hell, were no more than scams created a long time ago to scare little pups. Did good if you wanted a good place after you died, if you did bad you would go to a very scary place where you would be tortured for non stop. To be honest, living this life was either hell or heaven too, if you did good, maybe you'd live this life good, and vice versa. Maybe, because, he did know, these rules also happened in reverse.

_Whether the most beautiful place above the sky existed or not. You'd always know, what he wished for you, right?_

_Thank you_. _And, goodnight_.

 

•••

 

There was nothing different with today it was just the usual day and weather in May. Around him were a bunch of young crows—black uniformed students with him as one of them. There were those who walked alone or in group, either locking their focus to a phone's screen or chatting with their friends about nonsense.

Taka yawned. It was obvious what would he does during class today and the headache from his grandma's long lecture was not any help too. He loved his grandma—not included the strict rules she made.

From behind him he heard a group of girls full-mouthed about a certain guy. He guessed most of them were Betas as they gossiped about an Alpha and wished if they were Omega, maybe it'd help them to get close to this certain Alpha.

The Alpha they gossiped was an epitome of his kind—tall, cool and wild. His blond strands were gold threads, his heavy-lidded eyes were inviting, and his attractive intimidating scent would make them beg to be his mate. A cold Alpha surrounded in a mist, need a Sherlock Holmes to unveil his mysteriousness.

The more he listened, the more he wanted to laugh his ass out. The giggling and squeaking sounds they made tickled him. He coughed rather than having himself devoured alive by them, because he laughed at whomever they prince-like described.

Never once he attracted about a particular Alphas or male Betas, although he was born in his kind. Dreaming of a prince on a white horse was never his thing.

Love was a romanticized joke.

“I want to see him playing guitar again.” A girl grimaced, a long sigh following after. 

“Eh, it's been a long time, yeah?” anther girl added, her voice was higher than the first girl.

Oh, this Alpha played a guitar?

“By the way,” a girl yelled. Her voice was neither owned by the two previous girls. “I saw him injured again yesterday,” she continued and wondered if this Alpha got in a fight again.

“What seriously?!” More than two girls screamed in unison. Out of the blue the air behind him had evolved into a serious, darker and heavy one as the story they had progressed to what was more than a mere conversation about this Alpha's appearance. Somehow, he interested in this one.

“Mhm, I saw Kohama brought him to infirmary,” the girl who started this heavy topic continued. She told a tale she had, about how bad this Alpha looked when he saw Kohama, who according to her was this Alpha's best friend, carried the badly injured Alpha to the infirmary.

“Huh?” It sounded familiar to him.

A girl gasped, “Is Yamashita alright?”

Taka stopped. _What?_

His eyes widened, staring at the group of girls drowned in their deep conversation passed by him. Yamashita, they said. He frowned. Was Kohama is the student who looked terrified when he brought the injured blond to the infirmary?

And was.. was this Yamashita—“ _Fucking Blondie_?”

“Who's  _Fucking Blondie_?”

Taka choked. His heart jumped to his throat when a girl stood in front of him with their faces almost met. He stepped back with deep frown adorned his forehead. “What the fuck are you doing, Mai?” This girl could make him vomit his heart.

_Sheesh._

Mai chuckled, “Good morning, Taka.” Her smile was no different with yesterday, a bright smile, too bright, it would blind him if he saw that smile for too long. A bit resembled that school doctor if he looked at her smile again. No surprise if someday he found out, they were siblings.

“Morning.” Taka scratched his cheek, thinking what should he say about yesterday.

Full of curiosity Mai squinted her eyes with her smile turned asymmetric, “Who's this _Fucking Blondie_ , Taka?”

He averted his gaze from the curious girl, glancing at the group of the girls, they were already too far away to make him could hear anything they talked.

“No one.” He shrugged. Maybe the Alpha they talked was indeed Yamashita.

So, a fight, eh? No wonder.

“No one?”Mai raised her brow, doubting his answer.

“Okay, then—”She placed her fist in front of his face. “Ta–dah!” Two fingers, a peace sign, then emerged from her fist.

“What?” he scowled.

“Your debt to me.“ She grinned, making him even more confused.

“Huh? What debt?”

A long sigh escaped her mouth, “I saved you from Yamashita and I lied to the teacher because you didn't come back.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest, her brows met and those lips pouted. “It wasn't only one teacher you know.”

He went back to class only after the school finished yesterday.

“Where were you?” Mai sighed, and placed her hands on her hips. “After you came back, I tried to talk to you, but you kept quiet and walked away from me.”

His thought scattered all over the place yesterday, like how he went to wherever his steps brought him to. The rooftop; the cafeteria when the break finished, he ordered a steak again, and to the infirmary, where he found the blond was not there anymore.

“Sorry,” he said, giving no explanation.

Mai raised her thin brow, exhaling sharply and ruffling the back of her shoulder-length honey brown hair. “Nah, that's ok. I'm sorry too,” she smiled, leaning herself to him and hugging his shoulders. His heart pounded as if it told him that something bad is going to happen.

“Buy me a steak, okay.”

 

 •••

 

Taka rolled his pen on top of his desk. Forward and backward. Inside a dull classroom on the bored morning, what coming out from the mouth of the teacher was no more than an uninteresting song from an unknown singer. Overpowered by the distorting sounds of the uninterested students.

He spun his bullpen and stopped it with his forefinger. “Ah..,” he murmured. His eyes followed where the tip of the pen he left open pointed—the farthermost desk beside the outer windows he wanted to sit at. It'd be behind him if they were in the same row, they didn't since he sat in the next row. The morning sun light penetrated the windows illuminated the empty chair and desk, drawing shadow and light lines on the surface.

Somehow, it looked lonely.

Was what those girls talked this morning was true? If so, then it meant the injuries he saw from the blond yesterday was because he got in a fight? Was he a delinquent?

Taka observed the classroom with his lips shutting tight. Yesterday, he noticed how the classroom went loud after the blond induced his scent to him. They darted the blond with disgusting stares and they murmured about something he hard to understand. 

Why?

Was it because Yamashita was an Alpha—a delinquent who got into a fight a lot?

Mai also said something at Yamashita, but he remembered nothing. It bothered him.

Why did he care about that guy, though?

“Sir,” Taka rose from his seat, interrupting the haikus reading his teacher did. “May I go to the bathroom?”

After the teacher allowed him, he walked outside. Mai who sat in the same row as the blond was, pierced him with a ‘go back to class, Taka.’ stare as he passed by her seat. As if she understood he would skip the class.

He did.

 _And he regretted it_.


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

 

The sky was blue.

Cerulean blue, the usual blue in the morning. Sun shone bright. The wind blew dry on his skin. Boring for the students trapped in a monotonous morning class. They would play with their phone, deafening themselves from the unclear mumbles from the old teacher, they would put their cheek on their palm, lethargic, trying hard to stay awake and had forgotten the many times of their yawns or just as what he did, skipped the class, and wound up wished he would do otherwise.

He came for fresh airs and look at what he got.

The hazardous scents cut through the air, poisoning his sense. Taka swallowed his saliva, coughing and choking with his own spits. The grunts and pain screaming plagued him.

Under the cerulean sky where the wind blew dry, a fist hit a face and shoes landed on a chest. Bloods rained the cement. The school rooftop became an arena for two Alphas, fighting for their own reasons. Either pride or ego.

Behind a bench Taka hid as the unwanted audience. He shivered, clutching tight at what he hid in his pocket. From the two Alphas, he was familiar with the one who contrasted the other with his blond strands. The one who flew towards the fence as he absorbed a hit to his face. The one who interlocked his eyes with him.

“What are.. you doing here?”

The muted dark irises ate his soul in a whole.

Taka gasped when the other Alpha hammered the blond, relieved when the blond escaped the attack. The blond stood, reaching the other Alpha's shoulder, he smashed the face, blasted his stomach and bashed his back. The other Alpha plummeted with his devastating scream terrorizing.

_A breathtaking catastrophe Yamashita Toru was._

“You,” the blond marched toward him. Taka whimpered as the blond grabbed his collar, lifting his smaller body. “Why the fuck are you here?” The deep breathy voice antagonized him. His chest hurt, painful even for breathing. No words escaped his trembling gaped mouth. Without his brain able to understand everything, the other Alpha jumped behind the blond.

He fell.

Both of them fell.

Taka crawled back till he met the fences, horrified at what happened before him. How the other Alpha sat above Yamashita and bombarded punches at the blond. Reversed their place, the blond paid back what the other Alpha did. 

He hugged his legs. Nauseated by the threatening scents as he was too close with the conflicted Alphas. If he listened Mai, he'd be in the class, away and never knew what happened between the two Alphas. Bored to death by the teacher's lullaby sounds better than having his heart stops beating.

“Come with me.”

A tight grip on his wrist pulled him, forcing him to back on his feet and ran away. He obeyed despite his hands trembled. Through the door and down the stairs. He gasped, inhaling as much air as he could to his overworked lungs. His irises reflected the back of an Alpha who pulled him. Dirts discolored the white shirt's pureness. Sweat drenched the shirt.

“Wait..,” Taka begged. He grabbed the blond's arm which fingers wrapped around his delicate wrist, forcing the blond to stop as they reached the ground floor. “.. A minute..,” he panted. The Alpha's scent and what just happened burdened his senses. His head hurt, dizzy. Headache. He was striped from the strength he had, his legs shaking and he collapsed to the floor as he was unable to support his weight longer.

They were at the empty corridor, away from the disaster.

Yamashita released his wrist, his arms fell limp between his thighs. The blond then followed, sitting at the floor and leaning his back against thr wall under the windows that framed the yard he saw from the rooftop the seconds before the two Alphas arrived.

Fatigue embraced him as the tense lifted from his shoulders. The blond's scent intimidated him, but no longer threatened him. It became easier for him to get a grip of his balance.

“What happened?” Taka stared at the blond for the answer he hoped the blond gave him.

What happened became his business since he was—though unplanned—included in the Alphas's conflict.

He shook his head. “I mean, why did you fight him?”

The blond glanced back at him. He wiped his face with his palms and combed his wet fringes back. A long sigh flew from his mouth, ”Nothing.” 

Taka clicked his tongue, he scratched the back of his messy curl hair. His temple twitched, unsatisfied with the answer. 

How should he translated ‘nothing’? As a short explanation of ‘we got in a brawl because we are forced by our wild pheromones and hormones’? As in ‘we fought because we wanted to show off our strength that nobody beside our own kind has’? Or ‘we were too stupid that was why we had a fight, since we were no brainers blessed with power and muscle’?

Taka snorted at the last scenario. Even though it made sense for Alphas.

Wild, eh?

He laughed in his head as his memory box replayed what he heard this morning about the Alpha from a group of Beta girls. Yamashita Toru, from his faint memories he got the Fucking Blondie's full name, a wild Alpha as the Beta girls described. A huge discolored bandage covered the blond's cheek, he had purplish blue bruises at the eyebrow's corner and also his lips, and his—“Your nose..”—bleeding.

The blond raised his hand, brushing his nose with his swelled knuckles.

Taka positioned his back to lean on the wall, and distanced himself from the Alpha. He shut his eyes for a moment, drowning in the tiredness that enveloped his body.

It had been the second day of school, returning to _a_ _normal life_ he left almost a year ago as part to retrieve the year he had lost. A second day, and the day had just started, the sun not even reaching their head, yet many things happened. Yesterday was too, too many, how it began and how it ended. He thought, the only troubles he would get were no more than to fit among his classmates who were a year younger than him, and how to make sure nobody would realise the scent he presented with from birth.

Two days and the classmates he knew were only Mai, the annoying girl; Yamada, the class representative a.k.a greasy glasses and the Fucking Blondie he wished to kill, if he could, as he cursed and bullied the poor cow carcasses. The hamburg steak.

“Are you okay?” The deep baritone fished back his attention for the owner. Again their eyes interlocked. The blond made a face and his muted irises stared deep into his subconsciousness. The Alpha's intimidating scent became faint, gradually replaced in a different scent.

_Stunning._

A scent reminded him of the day between the Winter's end and the Spring's beginning. Where the skin bitting chill and warmth lingered in the air at the same time. 

“Am I looking okay for you?” Taka said sarcastically, drawing a faint asymmetrical smile on his face.

The blond gaped his lips, wanting to say something but in the end he hesitated and looked away. Silence accompanied them alongside their breathless panting. His pulses beat in its normal pace, being no longer haunted by the scents that contrasted his.

Taka lowered his head, his reddened wrist reflected in his irises. Hurt. 

“Sorry.”

A simple keyword, only took a breath to say it. ‘Sorry’, no matter how many times it repeated, it would make no change in his life. If ‘sorry’ able to change a thing, he would ive the entire year in reversed way. His parents divorced even when his jaw grew tired for telling his parents 'sorry'. 

 _That person_ 's fault. 

The one who beg for forgiveness? Him.

He glanced at the blond who stared at him. His muted irises imprisoned by his heavy-lidded eyes. Somehow the gentle gleam made him wanted to ask: _why are you looking sad?_

When sad and painful sounded wrong in describing a person presented with a strong scent from birth. Worst when someone as him being the one who disparaged the blond Alpha.

“Not realizing it too, this time?” He curled his lips, waiting for an answer.

The blond gave him a long stare before he averted his gaze and brushed his nose. Bloods painted his fair skin. 

Taka scratched the back of his head. “That guy punched you too strong, eh?” It made bloods kept running from this blond's nose. Don't tell him this guy broke his nose, though from the answer Yamashita gave him, the pain could be a part of the thrill the blond sought. If ‘nothing’ meant that. 

”Let me help you.”

He took a handkerchief from his suits's pocket, where it stayed alongside what he hid there and knelt in front of the blond. Red painted the blond's lips in an abstract way. Messy. 

Taka snorted, “You look awful.” He rolled the handkerchief, “Lift your head.” His mom did this to him when he was a child after he got punched in the face as payment for defended himself from an Alpha who bullied him. He might be presented with a weakling's scent, but he'd never let people have their chance on him.

Even now, he tried hard, fighting back a devastated year. Being a loser for the second time would never be in his dictionary.

He knelt in front of the blond. The handkerchief's tip he rolled touched the blond's nose, but his hand shaking.

“A-ah..” An invisible strong force held him.

Time stopped.

_Even after a year, the past refused to let go his wrists and ankles it chained._

Taka lowered his head, he bit his underlip. The psychiatrist who was responsible for him said, he should be fine either toward Betas—even Alphas as long as they did not induced their scent to his, which what happened twice to him yesterday. This person's fault.

_But, his body still remembers._

An Alpha. A person he adored, who stabbed him with his words. Reminded him for what he is. A person who controlled him and took away his freedom. As the mask fell of the face of someone he trusted, that person showed his reality.

_A pervert._

A year had passed. The scars had healed from his skin. The wounds in him? It rotted, pus swimming in his veins, joining his blood. Forever he trapped inside an icy maze with no other color in his darkness.

“I'm going to do it myself.”

“A.. oh.. sure,” Taka startled.

The clock ticked back, the moment a soft baritone broke their awkward silence. The blond took the handkerchief from him and pressed his nose with it. He blinked and turned away when the blond averted his gaze. Silence after silence, how awkward they were. Hard to breathe. An invisible weight pressured his shoulders. Did they felt the same thing?

“I'm sorry.”

Why asked him for forgiveness? When neither of them were in fault.

Why you looked sad, Yamashita?

A lot of questions hoped in his head. The moment his questions answered, he'd wished he never asked.

“It's okay.”

Curiosity, what made human became human. For the sake of their unanswered question, human seen nothing as problem. When they found it, they may wish something in reverse. 

Human.

Taka stood. He patted his neck. “Well then,” his hand fell limp. “I should go back to class.” A heavy sigh followed his words. 

The blond thud his shoulders, denied him a stare.

“Go to Kanki-sensei.” He pointed at the blond's nose. “Hope that guy didn't break it,” he said before he turned around and stepped away from the blond. After five steps however, he stopped, looking back at the blond Alpha who was busying himself with his nose and the handkerchief.

The ray came from the opposite side of where the blond at, the Sakura tree swayed by the lazy wind overshadowed his strong figure. His right hand fell on his side, the other pressed his nose with the handkerchief he gave.

When the blond jolted and shuddered, an unsounded grimace echoed in his ears as if he stayed with the Alpha—he didn't. He continued his steps, leaving the corridor.

Leaving the Alpha alone, like the desk in the corner of classroom Yamashita left.


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

 

“The fuck,” Taka murmured, surprise at what he did after he _woke up_ from day dreaming. He shrugged when he saw how tangled threads filled the two pages of his notes where he should make a note from the biology subject. They learned brain anatomy and this was his mind, as the blond crept in it. Damn those eyes, he should've distance himself after what happened yesterday and this morning.

Lack of sleep, then trapped in a brawl made drowsiness approached him, he yawned. What a stupid brawl that was. His logical ability was far weaker than his instinct, if not he would decide to run past the Alphas than hiding.

He peered at his wrist. The blond's grip imprinted in red hints proved the strength Yamashita had. Was the blond helped him, when he left the fight and brought him to run? Perhaps, the blond realised he was horrified by their scents. Perhaps, the blond pitied him. Yet, ‘sorry’ flew out twice from the Alpha's mouth and how different it sounded on the second time.

Taka threw his bullpen, it landed on the middle of the tangle thread. Looked like him in his surrounding.

His eyes shuffled to the desk in the corner of classroom. Empty. The sun ray had left and the owner gone somewhere. If he lost interest in it, how lonely it would become?

What sin have you made?

 

•••

 

  
The bell rang twice.

Taka left the class as soon as the teacher allowed him to and deafened himself from Mai who called his name, with infirmary became the destination for his steps.

An appetizing smell from burning meats deconstructed his knowledge of a health room. A person in his white coat stood before a desk. His wavy hair reached his shoulder, waving in slom motion as the Spring's wind blew it. He imagined one to be cleaner in his trimmed hair, as his psychiatrist despite she was an Omega. What he held were neither stethoscope nor syringe, it were paper plate and grill clamp.

Kanki Tomoya, the school doctor.

“I think you need to retire already, Kanki-sensei.” To make a restaurant or better, turned this infirmary into a cafeteria since this guy looked better as a cook than a doctor. The empty beds became tables, the medicine cabinet into vending machine.

“Cannot.” The doctor smiled wider than yesterday's. Greenland size–saw it once in a world map. If his mind at his truest, the rubber pirate and his crews sought a treasure there. He was more interested in a galaxy far, far away... than anything.

“It's my passion,” he claimed, nodding his head in agreement.

Meat strips and cow fats, made bubbling sounds and tempted him with its savory smells. “This meat?” Taka took a plate and chopsticks, then poured BBQ sauce on his plate. He picked a meat strip, and dipped it before he devoured it. Let's eat.

“My life, my love and my anxiety.” 

Taka coughed, he smacked his chest to help him swallowed the meat. “Fuck,” he cursed, putting the plate back on to the table. He thumped his chest with fist.

“Be careful when you are eating, Taka-chan,” The doctor chuckled as he gave him a bottled water. He wanted to smack that head. But.. _this guy is a teacher, Morita Takahiro_.

God dammit.

He gulped the water, and placed the bottle down after. “Did Yamashita went here?” he asked, while wiping his lips.

“Which Yamashita?” The doctor raised his brow, “Yamashita Kenjiro from 3-1? Yamashita Takako from 2-5? Yamashita Shinzo from 1-4?” he paused, “Or Yamashita–”

“Toru,” he said with his cheek twitched.

“Ah, Toruge. Why?” The school doctor flipped the roasted meats and added more meat strips afterward.

“Toruge?" Taka knitted his brows. 

“Toruge,” the doctor said, nodding his head.

Taka cleared his throat to press the raising urge, otherwise, he was sure enough he would be kicked out from the school after he smacked and slapped this guy. “I was there when he fought, well, another Alpha,” he thudded his shoulders, “so, I wonder if he's okay.” He caressed his back, peering outside at the school yard framed by the windows. A soccer game was held, shoutings was heard to support the players.

He liked soccer. Played a lot till puberties hit and physically everyone started to change as what they were presented. The Betas he was closed with realised their differences and treated him as a weaker, afraid they might hurt if they let him play.

_Nonsense._

He gave his attention back to the doctor. “It seems he broke his nose, did he went here?”

The doctor's smile became faint, his sun shined chocolate irises gleamed softer. He turned the griller off, then putting down the plate and chopsticks he held. “Are you friend with him?” he asked, somehow his tone sounded tired.

“He shoved me out from here yesterday, you still remember, right, Sensei?” Taka leaned his waist at the desk edge, touching the surface and caressed it. Surprising, it was softer than it looks. “Not to mention he induced me with his scents in the morning, I told you why I hurted my back.” 

He sighed, “Classmate.”

Nothing more.

“I see,” the doctor said, deep and breathy. “He was here, but left 10 minutes ago. The blood had stopped when he arrived here, it dried on his skin, even the handkerchief crisp.” A weary laugh escaped his mouth. The doctor stepped closer to him.

That Fucking Blondie, did he went somewhere else than reaching the infirmary first? Was he 120% what he thought of an Alpha? Meat and muscle, no brain.

“He's fine. Don't worry.”

“Thanks.” _Good._

It was weird, he bothered himself about Yamashita. An Alpha. When a month ago he feared his kind, before he realised his fear would be a win for _that person_.

A pervert.

A pervert he despised.

A pervert who should be jailed.

Sad, he live where humanity favored them than him. They reasoned, made the wrong became right and vice versa. It was him who became imprisoned in a jail called bedroom.

Taka frowned as the doctor had his hands on his shoulders. He bent, positioning himself on his eye-level, being taller than him, but shorter than the blond.

“May I ask you something?”

He never feared Alphas.

“What?”

Nor he feared _that person_. Hate.

He hates a pervert who brought him nightmare. As he was too weak to claim him. That was why this pervert reminded him, how he was nothing but a thing to be used in every touch he dirtied him with.

“Please don't hate him.”

He never feared Alphas.

“Don't hate Toru.”

He hated them.

 

•••

 

Laughs. Chaffs. Gossips.

Alone, Taka strolled the busy corridor in the third floor. The students from different classes immersed themselves in their own business, enjoying the break time. His mind tangled worst than the tangled thread he drew. Questions were here and there, answer was nowhere to be found.

“Huh?” He stopped at the doorstep when he noticed there was something different than when he left the class. Not because there were few students, of course.

There were nine students inside; five females, four males. Two males grouped at the teacher desk, one of them was the orange haired Beta, and the last male was the greasy glasses–Yamada, the class representative immersed himself in a thick book. If he threw him with the book, he'd faint for sure.

Mai sat on her desk with two other female classmates, he knew none of their names. And, the rest two females were by themselves: one was the make-up girl, he interested with in his introduction and the other stood before a window, on phone.

The one he settled his attention at was the male student who sat at the corner of the classroom by the outside window. Four rows, twenty-one desks. The blond desk's left alone in the corner.

_Don't hate Toru._

“Yamashita...” Taka bit his underlip. He continued his steps. Mai ran at him as he passed her desk, she barraged him with words. Where he was? Why he left her? And, about the promise they made this morning. He answered nothing.

“Wait a minute.” He needs to talk with Yamashita. What the school doctor said haunted him. He lost his appetite as he drowned in his thoughts.

“Are you okay?” Mai caressed his cheek. “You look pale, Taka.”

He patted her hand. “I'm okay.”

“Takahiro.”

A deep, rasp baritone mesmerised his tympanics the moment the blond approached them. His jaw lowered a little. His pulses grew, but soft and gentle. It would be hard to find an answer if anyone questioned the warmth on his cheeks. Though, maybe it was no more than his natural reaction. The blond's scent was as attractive as the last day of winter.

“Yamashita? What do you want?” Mai placed herself in between. Her tone lost all the cheerfulness and kindness she always made him heard. She narrowed her eyes. It were full of dislikes.

_Don't hate Toru._

Taka put his hand on her shoulder, pulled her to his side. “It's okay, let us talk.”

Mai gaped her mouth as if she had the need to object, but in the end she hesitated and stepped backward. She held her right arm with her left fingers. In dejection she darted at the blond.

He shuffled his focus at the blond. “Do you need something?” The bandage covered the blond's cheek had been replaced with a new one. Small bandages accompanied it. They parted the left brow, on the corner of his lips, and three bandages crossed the nose. The stupid prize from the stupid fight the Alphas played. Stupid, though he knew most Beta girls and Omegas would see Yamashita as attractive, based on his handsome looking and his cool yet wild nature.

His nose was ok, the doctor said.

“You called me ‘Takahiro’?” Taka raised his brow. He told the class to call him ‘Taka’—how most of his friends called him. Despite Yamada chose to use his surname. There were people who added suffix, such as, the school doctor. ‘-chan’ annoyed him.

His parents and grandparents were the only one who called him by his full given name. Even his cousin called him ‘Taka’ whether they were older or at his age.

_That person? ‘Takahiro’._

“Toru,” the blond told him his given name.

“What?” He blinked. Confused.

“To be even.”

“Wha–”

Mai snorted, murmuring a thing that failed to reach him. He glanced at her, but he captured at how the other students had their eyes on them.

_Don't hate Toru._

No. Not them. It was Toru.

The one they had their attention at. The one who orchestrated the melodies of disgust. They stared at the blond, who took something from his suit's pocket, the same way as the previous day. As if he was as dirty as the uniform shirt he wore.

The blond thrusted him with a box of sweet. All pink the box was.

Taka frowned. “Pocky?” He gave him a sweet. A strawberry cream covered biscuit sticks.

“I can't find anything strawbe–” Toru paused, he stiffened his jaw and scratched his temple. He clicked his tongue, and then pushed the pink boxed sweet against his chest. “Take it, for the handkerchief," he said and he refused to see him, “also for other things.”

Strawberry. His favourite.

The hated Alpha who wronged him yesterday gave him a boxed sweet. The hated Alpha asked him forgiveness and showed his gratitude. The hated Alpha whose eyes stalked his mind with pain and sadness.

The class hated the Alpha. The school doctor told him to not hate the Alpha.

Which one should he had his side at?

Taka held the box of sweet the blond gave him. He peered at it. At the pink color, at the mouthwatering design flooded with strawberry cream, and there were strawberries, he caressed with his thumbs, in the middle of the box.

He glanced at Mai who looked like ready to say something, her lips parted and her shoulders raised. At his classmates. Their mouth moved, but he heard nothing. They assaulted the blond with their frightening stare.

_Don't hate Toru._

The one they hated stood before him. His face as expressionless as always and his muted dark irises added boldness to his personality. He might be cold and cool, wild and untamed as what he presented as. Alpha. At the same time he showed him, how pain and sadness looked like for the desired kind.

“Toru..” Taka squeezed the box, “why do they hate you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _azarashi_0969 or azarashi on AO3 drew a scene from this chapter on her instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/BU6YDmshg3q/ :") thank you so much_


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

   


What do you hide?

What do you share with them? 

A secret that evoked hatred in their heart for you, what is it? Was it hate what they showed? What he saw? What he felt?

Hate. Hatred.

A blood curdled word haunted his day and night as maggots started living inside him, eating him little by little. Maggots left by a person who once taught him how different he was from the others of his kind. A person who showed him kindness and warmth were something they understood.

A lie to manipulate him. 

A faint crack came from the box he squeezed too hard. Taka lifted his head and his eyes full with the blond Alpha's reflection. Their lips shut tight. He was too, reflected in the muted irises that questioned him back. Perfected the crease between the owner's eyebrows. The same irises who made him wondered why the Alpha looked sad and painful. Forced him to compromise his hate. Again.

Will he end up with another regret? A thing he knew that will never come early.

Goddamnit.

“What do you mean, Taka?” the bell-like voice broke the silence. She raised an eyebrow for the question he asked the blond with.

Why do they hate you?

Tsk. How come you asked it blatantly, stupid, Takahiro?

A long sigh escaped his mouth. Taka scratched his nape. “Kanki-sensei told me to not hate this guy,” he answered while peering at the blond who was staring at him as if those soul-eating irises going to eat his soul. He frowned. “Don't stare at me like that.” He disliked the chill creeping his shoulders whenever the blond Alpha stared at him like that. Geez.

 _Weird_. Yamashita looked away as soon as he told him to, and unresponsive to his question.

“Kanki-sensei? Why?” Mai asked.

“How should I know?” annoyed, he answered her question. He ruffled his raven curl as he observed the gesture Mai showed. How she squeezed her fingers and how her round shoulders tensed. “Is there something you hide from me?” He paused, and then he peered across the classroom, “Something you guys share together?” Minus him, obviously.

Perhaps, he jumped into a conclusion too fast, when he joined the class no longer than just yesterday. The murmurs he noticed yesterday and the piercing stares he saw could have another meaning. Or, how Mai acted different when it toward the Alpha. However, how the doctor begged him to not hate the Alpha affirmed what he thought about the class—and Mai herself.

They hated him.

The class hated Yamashita Toru.

Breathe seized his hearing. A sound of a harsh flipped book, an awkward chat, and a nervous laugh replaced a silence which for a moment became the sound. Did he hit their secret? And so they ran away from the need urged him for the answer. Stupid.

 _What?_ A student stared back at him with unnerving grin painted his face. Andou, if he remembered the first name the teacher call. A student he deemed as an Alpha the first time he saw him based on how tough and rough his figure was. The blond–orange haired Beta stooped at the teacher's desk, sometimes he nodded his head at what his friend said. He ran his eyes away from the student, intimidated by the way he stared at him. At them. 

Hate. Hatred.

Blinded and deafened. Easier to find the reason than for forgiving and liking someone. His reason which nobody could ever objected.

He hated Alphas.

Taka lowered his head. His attention fell on the pink box he held, that made him compromised his feeling against the Alpha for the second time.

‘Share your love’ written on the box's bottom right corner. Love. A romanticized word. People said it sweet, for him its bitter. Nightmare. A word whispered by _that person_ between his heavy breath.

Love.

Painful.

“I'm leaving.” 

Taka gasped when a baritone vibrated his ear drums. “What?”

“Thanks for the handkerchief.” Without a glance to spare for him the blond spoke, “and sorry for yesterday.” He barraged him with an unseen guilt.

He disliked the stare.

“Okay.” He had no reason to hold the blond, nor he wanted the blond to stay.

Yamashita nodded. An awkward air greeted them a moment before he left, surging past the girl who turned at the blond afterward.

“Trying to run away?”

A question pushed him deeper into the turmoil he despised, flew from the girl's mouth. Confused him more and signalled him something would went wrong. The Alpha did stopped, glancing at Mai and he noticed how Yamashita fisted his fingers. 

“Do what you wish,” he said and continued his steps.

Taka shortened his distance with the Beta girl. “Let him go.” He tapped her shoulder.

She turned around, her eyes screamed a disagreement. “I hate him, you are right.” Her jaw tensed. “And I will tell you why.”

He sighed, then he wiped his face with his palm. “Let's continue later.” He had lost his interest in this matter.

“He isn't as good as you may think,” she insisted to continue. 

Taka clicked his tongue, shaking his head as he stared at Mai, “I think nothing of him.” He thought nothing about the Alpha.

For the better or the worst.

The painful look the Alpha had was what bothered him. Outside from that he cared nothing about the Alpha, even about the slightest thing. Classmate, only that, the relationship between the Alpha and him. So did with everyone in this class. Because, why should he care of anything he knew just since yesterday?

“Andou!”

The rough-looking Beta contrasted the Alpha he blocked. Taller and bigger.

“Why leaving, Yamashita?" Arrogance showed well in his mocking. It perfected the same unnerving grin he saw some minutes ago.

A student he talked with before approached him, with his pale look and stuttered words he told his fellow, the tougher Beta to not doing anything stupid. Worst, the tougher Beta pushed him instead until his back met the blackboard. The tougher Beta then threatened the same student with a punch if he ever disturbs him again.

A weakling, the rough and tough looking Beta was. Something had blessed him with power. Gave him courage and became fearless. The fact the strongest one unresponsive at the way he acted, made him felt as he was the victor.

Not again.

“Shit.” Taka stepped backward. The tense he had this morning had not yet went away and this must happened. Problem appeared before him one by one, it as if he was not allowed to normalize his life. 

He clicked his tongue. Why should he trapped in a shit he didn't understand since the beginning? If he could, he would surely punch that weird school doctor.

Don't hate Toru his ass.

That fucking beg brought him trouble.

Taka frowned when his attention fell at the Alpha. Toru, he told him how to call him. His blond strands hid any expression he was making as he hung his head.

He ruffled his curl and shook his head. “Stop it,” he told them, the tough-looking Beta for exact. Despite the Alpha's lean figure smaller than the Beta, no weakling could be compared to an Alpha. That's how nature works.

This fucking Beta should be grateful he stopped them.

“You don't wanna know?” The fucking Beta patted the Alpha's shoulder.

“I don't,” he answered, gritting his teeth.

“You're only shy, aren't you?” he mocked and nodded at the Alpha, “Like him.”

“I'm not!” Taka yelled, frowning.

“Ah Yamashita, I'll help you to tell him...” The Beta eyed Yamashita. A dragged hum flew from his mouth as he gestured he tried to tell something, trying play with the still mouth-shut Alpha.

But, a slammed table stole their attention. A girl rose from her seat. A heavy pink blush colored her cheeks hid her pale face, but the knitted brows and trembled shoulders told them what she felt. Anxious.

“I'm going out,” she said while peering the classroom. She took her brushes and mirror, put it away to her bag. At a girl who stood beside the outer window and no longer on her phone, the girl's attention then fell. “Are you with me or not, Shiho?” the girl with her heavy makeup asked as she ran toward the door that then followed by the startled girl who yelped her name. Nana.

Together they left the class, leaving the turmoil he wanted to leave. But, he stayed since it was him who started it.

“Stupid girl,” Andou mocked.

Though, he then startled when Yamashita slapped his hand he placed on the Alpha's should. “What?" Which successful in ignited another problem.

“Try to show that you are an Alpha?” he snickered while sniffing the air. “Oh! What a strong scent you have there, Yamashita.” The Beta heaved a long sigh, chuckling. “I'm scared,” he said as he grabbed the Alpha's collar.

Yamashita, did too, yanked the Beta's shirt's collar and brought their face closer. “What if I am?” His baritone echoed. With no emotion other than showing his silent anger.

“Is that so?” Andou laughed. Unamused.

“A-ndou.. Ya-mashita..” The class representative stood from his seat. After a while he looked afraid of the hazardous scene before him, finally he did what he tasked with.

“P-please..” He breathed deep while fixing his thick framed glasses with his quivered hand. “I-I mean..” He cleared his throat. “Please don't fight..” he warned them with barely audible voice.

“Shut the fuck up!” Andou barked at him.

Unable to overpower the tougher Beta the class representative lay his ass back to his seat, curling and squeaking, reminded him of a cornered mouse.

Taka swallowed his saliva.

He trembled, the box he held no longer had its beginning shape. Another headache attacked him, nauseated him by the situation trapped him in.

What sin had he made?

That it made him not allowed to live a normal life?

“Mai!” He reached a wrist owned by a girl who said nothing after the disaster began. “Stop them,” he begged while staring deep into her subconsciousness.

The usual warmth she had was nowhere to be seen. Her stare looked distant, the corner of her eyes dropped. “M-Mai?” And her usual smile vanished and never came back.

“Did your brother showed it?” From the other side of the class the mocking tone from the tougher Beta echoed.

What?

Taka let his focus to be taken away by the question the rough-looking Beta made.

The Alpha's jaw hardened. His heavy-lidded eyes narrowed. Distress and hatred were reflected on the way he pierced the Beta with his stare.

At the same time, his pulsations rose.

“His _alpha-ness_ to that Omega?” the Beta asked. Asymmetrical smirk adorned his rough-looking face.

“What Omega?” Taka murmured. He jumped when Mai pulled her wrist from his grasp.

She stepped backward. “Why should I?” Her eyes glistened in tears.

He frowned. “Mai..?” He gasped, feeling guilty, but at the same time he was confused.

Scream then terrorised the classroom.

A haunting melody played by the forgotten girl. Disaster had turned into chaos. As the strongest showed how much a beast he was.

The tough Beta plummeted into the floor he painted with his blood. Red above white. A catastrophe happened in front of him was different from what he saw this morning.

It was unbalanced. 

The beast unleashed his punches at the bloodied weakling. 

Terrified by the chaos he lost his strength. The box he held fell and lay helpless on the floor mirrored the tough Beta.

Breathless.

Taka swallowed his saliva. His lips dried and blood left his face. He leaned onto the side of a table, trying to get a grip of his balance. Anxious he clutched at what he always hid inside his slacks's pocket. What would always give him strength. 

“Stop it!” Mai sprinted toward the Alpha.

“Stop it, Yamashita!”

She yanked the Alpha's arm, forcing him to stand and to distance himself from the unconscious tough Beta. Seeing how the male Beta looks, at once Taka averted his gaze back toward the Alpha and the Beta girl. He wanted to puke.

Full of hatred, Mai pushed the blond. “What do you think you are doing?” She pushed again. Harsh. Full of anger. “Do you want to kill him?!”

Yamashita Toru. The Alpha. His shoulders's movement showed him how fast he breathed. How hard he tried to control the overflowed anger. Maybe it was not anger, he was not understand what it was. He stared at the girl in front him, but, not a word he let to escaped his mouth.

“Is that because how an Alpha is?” She squinted her eyes, disparaging the Alpha.

The Alpha hardened his jaw. 

Again she pushed the Alpha. “You love hurting people, don't you?” Her words assaulted Yamashita. 

“I...”

Their eyes interlocked when Yamashita turned his face at him. He shivered as they did. The beast's eyes lost its will, his eyebrows knitted and his irises, again, ran from him. He looked weak, in pain, yet the blood painted his swelled fist was the weaker's blood. It dripped, becoming falling Sakura leaves which toned the white floor with its red.

Why?

Mai sighed. “In the end you are no different.”

Why did he looked at him that way?

“Stop it..” The Alpha's baritone sounded hoarse.

“You're the same as your brother. Love to hurt.”

“I said, stop it!” The Alpha moved backward, he hung his head down, his fingers ruffling his messy, sweat drenched blond strands.

Taka strengthened his clutch at _it._

It felt as if.

As if the surrounding time stopped when Mai stared at him. It was almost silence, but with her voice.

“You know Taka... the reason why we hate him.”

The Alpha raised his hand, but then he pulled it in the middle.

 _Don't tell him anything_.

“His brother..”

 _He doesn't want to know_.

“Stop..” The Alpha squeezed her shoulders before he hesitated, shaking his head and released her shoulders. He marched toward the door— _running away._

“His brother raped an Omega.”

When the time ticked again, mass of air tortured his lungs. Taka coughed. His breath became rapid. A need to throw up pressured him. Bitterness spread on his tongue. Pain needled his throat and ears. The tripping, distorted colors and shapes stirred together; haunted his vision. Crushed him as he fell on the snack.

A scream called his name. A baritone. His fingers became white, as he clutched too tight at the fabric hid his scars.

The burn on his stomach made him wanted to cry. Yet, his tear ducts were dried.

It was painful.

But, regret was coming too late. He cannot escape the pain. 


	8. TWO

 

 

 

One thing he understood about life; happiness never last long and sadness stays forever. No matter how hard you tried, you will fail. And, wound up trapped inside the maze of madness. It's the same icy path he walked in. No light, no hope. Sometimes he wonders, what's the meaning of hope? Why does human think hope could help them? He hoped to wake up from the nightmare, but he wasn't sleeping. He hoped someone would help him, nobody comes. He hoped and hoped, when it finally came, it went fast. He lost his hope. It never came back.

A feeling of invisible fingers deep throated him forced Taka to leave the bed where he laid his cold back all night long and ran outside his room—toward the bathroom. Sweats drenched his oversized t-shirt. His hunting breath deafened him, and his visions blurred. He stumbled on his staggered steps before his mother caught him. He escaped from his mother's embrace and continued running. In front of the toilet seat he knelt, letting go the acidic liquid from his empty stomach that hurt his throat and left a bitter aftertaste on his tongue. He cried a little, but it was not sadness. It was never sadness. Pain.

“Shit..”

Taka wiped his vomit reeked lips with his left arm. From the corner of his eyes, he found his mom stood outside the bathroom he left open, staring at him with her forehead creased and her eyes glistened. “Don't worry,” He rose from his position, and reached the flush—“I'm not pregnant.”—that brought away his sanity. He is insane, that was the fact.

“Takahiro!” and that was how his mom reacted.

“Sorry.”

He took a deep breath and turned toward the sink to rinse his mouth. He pressed the tap, freeing a flow of water to was his hands. “How do you feel?" his mother asked which he answered with simple shoulders thud. A bad son, he is, indeed. He rinsed his mouth, the bitterness denied his need to get rid of it. After he washed his face, he reached for a towel and dried his face. He doesn't need to look at the mirror since he was already obvious to how much a mess he was.

Five days had passed and tomorrow is Monday. That was how long he had returned to be trapped inside his bedroom. The day he refused to see the world for almost a year.

Almost a year.

“Going back to your room?”

The time _that person_  took from him.

“At least eat first, Takahiro.”

And, will be longer if he doesn't get back to his feet sooner.

“What time is it?” he asked as he draped the towel he used to dry his still-wet face to his neck.

“Taka..” his mom sighed, she shook her head before she opened her mouth, answering his question, “.. eleven.”

Ah, he overslept.

Taka touched his mother's face with his right palm. He caressed her face that was paler than the last time he saw it. When was it? Two days ago, or probably five days ago. Her eyes looked dim and her wrinkles stood out. “.. what is it? You aren't wearing make up?”

How much a burden he is? What sin have you made for giving birth to an Omega?

“You look old.” Weary laugh escaped his mouth after he said it. 

“I'm old, my dear.” His mother smiled and wrapped her delicate fingers around his wrist. She closed her eyes as she caressed his arms and the back of his palm, leaving a tender kiss to his palm after—that made he chest tight than warm. A whisper of love to his palm burned the corner of his eyes. He lowered his head, and bit the inside of his under lip. If sorry could erase her sadness and turned back the time, he would say it until he loses his voice.

But, sorry has no meaning.

He pulled his hand. “Taka?” Marched to his bedroom without looking back. He doesn't want. He can't. He ran away, hiding behind the closed door. Inside his jail. His bedroom. The place _that person_ sent him to.

Taka clutched his chest. From behind the door, he leaned his back on, his mother called his name. Takahiro, Takahiro. She asked, is he all right? Is there something weird? What happened? But, no answer left his mouth he shut tight. A gentle and soft voice told his mom to leave him alone in a low tone—a way of speaking she almost never used, explaining he might need a time to be alone and everything will be okay. It was his grandma, who then told him to go to the dining room whenever he is hungry—it was yesterday's afternoon the last time he ate. They would prepare anything he wanted to eat. Anything. And her voice gone, leaving only his heavy breaths for his tympanic.

“I'm sorry...” he murmured. 

 _Why?,_ is the question he always wanted to ask.

“I'm.. sorry..”

_If you love me why did you do that? You said we are friends._

“.. Sorry..”

_You said you are different. You would always have my back. You would never betray me. Then why? Why did you do this?_

_Why did you leave me here?_

In this freezing, dark maze. Darker than the room he left without lights nor he allowed the sun ray to peek inside his jail. Because jail needs to be dark. 

As he losing the strength to support his body, he fell sitting on the floor. Droplets dripped from the tip of his raven curls. He hugged his legs, burying his face between his knees. His trembling hand clutched his stomach. “It hurts..”

Taka peered at the bedroom. Pillows should be on top of the bed, but they lay lifeless on the floor. His books were everywhere. His blanket curled beside the corner of his study desk's leg. How bad his anger was? That his study chair lay on its side than standing on its feet. Why?

Oh. Right.

Yamashita Toru.

He brushed his wet curls back. A soft growl came from his stomach. No one but him who felt hungry, back then it was different. A soft growl would make him think he is not the only one who is hungry. A pain made him smile. But, now it was only him. The pain came from the bubbling acid. He needs to eat—later.

Taka grunted as he reached the bed's corner to support him to stand. He blew a long sigh before he walked away from the door while making sure he stepped on nothing especially a pen or pencil. The last thing he wanted is pain. He hates pain.

“Shit.” He frowned as he realised he stepped on something. 

He stooped, lifting his left foot to observe a thing he crushed. Neither a pen nor a pencil. A pill. “Dammit...  its expensive,” he regretted and ruffled his wet, messy raven hair. He stepped on not only one, but two of it. The lively, bright colored red pills, which still looked bright in the darkness. Both half crushed by his heel. The pills are too weak just like the Omegas who needs it. 

 _Suppressant_.

The fire for his freezing heart.

The fire that lit the candles that light his dark icy maze.

The color in his darkness.

Where he clung his life on. His bravery. “Shit, where is it?” And, what made him lost his hope.

Taka crouched, he picked the half crushed suppressant pills and placed them on his right palm. He'd still drink them after all it's his own feet what stepped on them. While cursing he tried to find the small bottle where he put the pills in. It'd be a pain in the ass to find another small bottle that fit inside his slacks's or school suits's pocket. “Where?” He lifted several books, but only found a pill. Under the pillows and blanket, were other pills.

He crawled under his bed, searching between boxes with CDs and DVDs in it. Useless. He never listened to any music anymore. Yeah, _that person_. That pervert took everything from his life. It'd be nice if he took his life too.

“There you are...”

He never wished to die. He never wanted to make his mom sad or his dad unforgiving toward himself more. 

 _I'm sorry I failed to protect you_ , how he will ever able answer that.

Then his younger brothers. He doesn't want them to have no older brother. Shy Tomohiro and calm, energetic Hiroki. He misses them.

Taka grimaced as he crawled out under the bed and his head hit the bed's edge. He leaned his back to the bed's side. Inside the bottle were three pills and six—with two halves in his palm. “Damn..” He clicked his tongue. The sound as the pills filled the bottle back, became the only sound he heard beside his own voice and breaths. His doctor would deny his request to prescribe what should he renew next month. One is never enough, so he takes two. Sometimes three.

Maybe that was why, he got punished.

He brought himself to stand. In his fist he held the bottle. He reached for a small photo lying on his bed. A picture of _his Hope_ in grey blueish color. The light grey drew _his Hope_ 's small, delicate figure. He traced the surface with his fingers, feeling the softness of a light paper as he never touched him. _His Hope_ was ashes inside a small blue urn when he opened his eyes.

How does it feel to touch his soft and tender skin? How does it feel to have his finger inside his little grasp? How does it feel to carry him in his embrace?, were questions he could never find the answer.

Two weeks is what's needed to create life after an unprotected heat. _His Hope_ created under a force, for him to reach his heat and for him to accept the seed of betrayal. How long was it happened? 15 minutes? 30? An hour? More? It was forever. He betrayed for forever. Even so, he found hope. 

But, despite the happiness he was sad. Despite the hope to protect, he was scared. He lost his hope.

His punishment.

As the minutes passed by, his room was no longer silent. A splatter of rain hitting the ground heard from outside the house. Parents yelled at their pups to come inside, yet the pups begged for their parents letting them play under the rain. Pups never listens, so their parents need to force them. They cried.

Takahiro stepped closer toward a pair of windows. He pulled the curtain and opened the windows. He looked to the sky. There was no sun to blind him. Trees swayed by the freezing winds that blew itself to caress his skin, a nostalgic earthy scent greeted his sense. A scent reminded him of a person with his soul eating, sad eyes. The world became mellow under the grey afternoon sky. And, the rain washed away his last hope.

“Fucking Blondie...”

His hope to live a normal life.


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

 

Rain poured since yesterday.

The morning class will be started in an hour. Most of the students opted to stay in their classroom. Not included him. His steps were thundering in the empty corridor. To where that man should be. The school doctor who made him started everything and left him with what he never wanted to know since the beginning.

As he stepped right in front of the infirmary's door, Taka stopped. He inhaled a good amount of air to calm his heartbeat. In is head he created several scenarios. What should he do? Scream at the school doctor? Yell at him while he pushes that weirdo backward? Or just—

 _Shit_.

He reached the door and slid it open. The too familiar scents from the infirmary weirded him. And it was only the first thing he deemed weird from the room he faced. The mixture of medicine's and disinfectant's scents made his head light. Grilled meat smelled better than the antiseptic's. Smelling this scent bored him. One year and on. More than enough.

No annoying voice greeted him. The sound from the rain pattering on the windows became clearer as he brought himself in.

Taka walked closer toward the desk. Files, notes, stationery and everything placed on its place and in order. No grill. No clamp. No meat.

His fingers drumming on the desk. He peered around. This room had became unfamiliar to him. “Maybe I should get back here later,” he murmured to himself. 

Everything had became too calm. It made him uneasy. 

Taka sighed. He turned around, deciding to leave the room, though then a bed catched his attention. He moved closer. His palm caressed the soft but firm surface. A week ago he saw Yamashita Toru arm carried by his friend from here. Bruises adorned the Alpha's face, and bloods painted his wet white uniform shirt. He had found the possible answer for those injuries. Probably, he fought another Alpha. 

But, why his eyes hiding pain when their eyes met? 

He still need to find the answer.

“Morita-kun?”

Taka furrowed his brows when he saw the school doctor he waited for at the doorstep. He tied his long hair, making his appearance more 'doctor'. He looked normal, and it was weird.

The school doctor walked in, approaching his desk. “Do you feel unwell?” He smiled, weak and weary. He resembled the weather. Gloomy. Never a second he glanced at him.

Taka shortened their distance. Only two steps separated them. “Why so formal?” All of sudden called him with his surname. “What happened with 'Taka-chan?”

The doctor busied himself with the files and notes. He knew what this guy tried to do. Running.

 _Fuck_.

He fisted his fingers. His nails throbbed his palm, hurting him. Pain after pain had made his sense numb. Impatience forced his heart to work harder, fuelling his adrenaline bit by bit.

“Afraid to hear something from me?” he said with cracked voice. “Kanki-sensei?”

His response for your beg.

‘ _Don't hate Toru_.’

“I—” The school doctor shrugged. His shoulders drooped.

The heavy rain filled every seconds of silence between them. Rain cloudied the windows, but he still could see how rain pooled in the empty yard. The chilling weather bit his skin underneath his uniform suits's sleeves.

The school doctor hung his head. He massaged his nape. Wonder if sweats dotted on his skin. His back reflected on his irises. 

Taka gritted his teeth, trying to hold his overflowed emotion. Too bad, he never good at doing it.

“Listen... Taka... I—”

That was why: 

“I hate Toru.”

For the first time the Beta guy had his reflection pooled on his eyes. His pupils dilated. His lips shut tight. What came out from his mouth, the school doctor should've guessed it from the beginning. If a week ago he woke up in the infirmary instead in his beloved bedroom, he would love to scream it at the doctor's face.

“I hate Yamashita Toru,” he repeated with no doubt in his tone.

The school doctor lowered his head. He leaned his waist to the desk and intertwining his fingers. One thing he had not yet understand was why the school doctor told him to not hate that fucking Alpha. Did he tell the other student? The same thing he told him. To protect the Alpha or what.

But, he had his own story.

“Well then, Sensei,” he paused, turning around, “I'll go back to class.”

“Takahiro.”

Two steps were all he could take before the school doctor stopped him. The school doctor darted him with a long stare. The muscles on his face stiffened.

“Do you think, it's also Toru's fault?”

“Huh?” His forehead puckered.

The way the doctor asked him, invited a question to his head. As if he directed the question to him. As if his answer what mattered.

As if he is the victim.

Taka lowered his head. He bit his underlip. His fist tightened. _Hurt_.

“Yeah...”

  
•••

  
The rain stopped. Sun peeked behind the grey cloud. Several students came late, but every desk had had their owner back. Beside two. Though, for a desk in the corner of the classroom, emptiness always been with it. 

Taka cleared his desk right after the bell rang. History textbook he left open to make a diligent student's appearance and a pen he used to doodle on the book were the only thing on his desk. So, he did it fast. 

“Taka!”

There she— “What the fu—”

With no word to begin with, the girl hugged him. Made him almost fell from his seat.

“Are you okay now?! Oh, thank goodness you are okay! I miss you! I was so afraid!” She tightened her arms around his body. 

“Fuc—”

“I wanted to call you, but I don't know your phone number! Even e-mail! Kirishima-sensei won't tell me where your house is! But thank good—”

“Shut up.” He pushed the Beta girl to let himself go from her hug. His forehead creased as he stared at the girl who akimbo in front of him. Her lips pouted, cheeks puffed. “You resembled a fish.” Puffer fish.

“Wha—” Mai's eyes widened. Her nostrils flared. “The weather is already cold! Why are you this cold Taka?!”

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved his hand. Uninterested at what she did. Though, at least it was nice that she cares about him beside the homeroom teacher—Kirishima-sensei. Not just staring at him, like he is an alien or stealing a glance like he is a shameless bitch and they need to find one or two topics about him.

Typical, but annoying.

Taka rose from his seat. He quit his desk from the other side and leave the classroom with Mai following him, yelling his name. He wondered why she always bugs him. Despite she seemed close with two female students in the class.

“Wait, Taka.” Mai rhymed her steps with him. Together they strolled the corridor. “I was trying so hard to not run to you right away when I saw you this morning.” Yeah she came late, and she became a 5 years old when she saw him, with her eyes widened and sparkled. She even yelled his name, in front of the History teacher.

“But, look at you.” She huffed and then she folded her arms on her chest.

Taka shuffled his attentions from the windows toward the Beta girl beside him. “How's Andou... and...” he cleared his throat, “... Yamashita.” His voice sounded hoarse, drowned by the students's chatter and laughter.

“Huh?” She looked perplexed.

He slipped his hands to his suits's pocket, “I...” He shrugged, expecting the taller girl to understand his hanging sentence.

Mai gave him a long stare before she opened her mouth, “Andou should've back to school today.” 

Silence disturbed her sentence as they went down the stairs. To the second floor. Cafeteria was their destination. Sometimes he shifted his focus to the stairs and her, waiting for her sentence to continue. But, she stayed silence until they reached the ground floor.

“Yamashita,” she sighed, “he got suspended till next week.”

“I see.”

Next week, what should he do if he meet Fucking Blondie. Let's try to not meet him. He was enough for the trouble the Alpha brought him. And—

“I wish he won't return.”

— _he hated Yamashita Toru_.

And, so did Mai. And, so did the class. 

On a split second what the school doctor asked him echoed in his head. Somewhere in the back of his head he questioned himself. Was it right to feel like this? Taka shook his head, chasing away the thought. Fucking Blondie would be the same. As his older brother. As that person.

“Yeah.”

Alphas were the same. Just wait until that blond do it, which maybe wouldn't be long.

“Aaaah, forget about that!” She ran to his front, walking backward. Her small lips curved, her lackluster smile was brighter than the sky. “Give me your e-mail, Taka.” She fished a cellphone from her suits's pocket. “Or LINE, anything. I don't want to be crazy again if something like before happened.” She whined.

Her smile grew.  “We are _friend_ , right?”

Friend, eh?

What a sweet word. What a cheap word.

Taka heaved a long sigh. He stopped and took his phone from his slacks's pocket. “Are you always that easy saying someone is your friend?” 

His fingers hoovered fast on the phone screen, drawing a pattern to unlock his phone. 69. Rock. Easy to make. 

There were 9 dots for his pattern code. From the dot on the top left corner, connect it with the dot on its right. Then, all the way to the bottom, connecting the three dots on the middle. Go left, up once, and all the way to the right and down. 69. Or at least, it looked like 69 despite the six faced the wrong way. At least for that person and him.

He should change it later.

“Hm? Well, yeah.” Mai chuckled, her cheeks were a little blushed.

“As easy as making them your enemy?” Taka thrusted his phone to the Beta girl. “Here, scan my QR code.”

She blinked, looking confused before she positioned her phone's camera to his screen. “What do you mean?”

After she had scanned it, Taka put his phone back to his pocket. He shrugged. “Like betraying them,“ he said as he continued his steps, leaving Mai who pondered in her place. Yeah, right, made friends as easy as betrayed them then. He had an example.

His phone beeped.

“What are you doing?” He glanced at the Beta girl. “I'll leave you.”

“I...”

“What?” He raised a brow seeing how the girl's shoulders trembled.

Mai turned to him. Her small lips drew a smile to her somehow tired face, but her eyes refused to smile. Outside the rain spattered again. The surrounding students grumbled when the rain poured, wondering whether it would stop before the school ended or not. Afraid that they would need to stay at the school until the rain less heavy.

“I will never betray my friend.”

Taka closed his eyes for a moment. He decided to not questioning anything. Despite the urge to do it. “I see,” he said, opening his eyes. “Let's eat, I owe you a steak, didn't I?”

“Oh! You remember that?”

“Yeah.”

“Buy me two plates!”

“What?!”

That day he came home one hour late and felt sad for his wallet. The sun shone at the brightest the next day and the days afterward. As the season changed to Summer, and June was getting closer.

His school days went quite normal without Yamashita Toru. He knew half of his classmates and no one talked about what happened a week ago. Andou, the tough Beta who fought the blond Alpha, returned on Wednesday. The Beta lost two of his teeth. Mai still annoyed him as always. He was somehow happy when she promised to take him to tour the school clubs next week. He would sometimes passed the school doctor in a corridor, but they were only teacher and student. Only that. 

There was a moment where he thought he was wrong. Maybe at the very end he could normalize his life. Even for only a bit.

For almost a week everything went so right.

Then, it became so wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The screen lock should be like this https://i.imgbox.com/NW0uQh99.png Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :")


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

 

“Are you sure?”

“Mm?”

“You aren't an Alpha?” Taka stabbed the strawberry he left for the last with a fork. The sour, yet sweet fresh fruit greeted his bud after he took one big bite, leaving the fruit hanging loose on the fork. Creams that covered a bottom part of the fruit once topped the shortcake he ordered, gave a good texture as he munched it. Tasty enough, he couldn't care less toward the murderous glare Mai darted him with.

Even when she frowned deep and gave him those stare, she still stuffed her mouth with the thick chocolate milkshake she ordered alongside a brownie topped with ice cream as desserts after a plate of spaghetti, and a cheeseburger. Her black hole stomach even forced him to stop eating his fish n chips midway—which she finished for him.

Mai released the big straw from her mouth and then wiping her lips with a pink handkerchief she brought. “What do you mean by ‘that’ Taka?” She curved her lips, but her brow raised. 

Pulling the strawberry by its stem from the fork, he eyed the table. Plates and glasses scattered on top of the square table for two people.

“You know what Taka?” Her tone warned him of a long lecture. “It's a no no to remind a Beta girl and Omegas how much they eat.” She took a small spoon and scooped the brownie and the melted vanilla ice cream. In her own world, she giggled and blushed with her shoulders quivered after it entered her mouth. She shifted her gaze to him. “So, if they ate a lot, please shut up Mr. Morita.” She grinned.

He snorted.

“I hope you get fat.” He devoured the last half of the strawberry. Sipped the watery bits first before he freed it from its stem.

Mai slammed the table, inviting several pairs of eyes to stare at them—wondering what the fuck happened. “What do you mean by that?!”

The customer behind him answered her friend it was fifteen past ten. Reminded him of the task his grandma gave. Just a house task to prepare him to be a good mate for his future mate. He against it, but when he realized it was how his grandmother helped him to cope, he obeyed. Despite it was still a pain in the ass.

Taka reached his glass of orange juice, sipping it and leaving only the ice. He toted his backpack before he stood. “Let's go home.”

  
•••

  
The harsh weather stung his skin. The sudden contrast between the air-conditioned café and outside dried his skin in an uncomfortable way. Taka lifted his head, squinting his eyes and protecting it from the fearless ray with his hand. He regretted his decision to leave the café. 

“Ah... hot...” Mai whined. “But, my mom always said,” she paused, “the Beta one I mean, whenever it's too hot it'll rain later. I seriously hope it'll rain soon!”

Taka raised a brow. She had two moms? A long sigh escaped his mouth. “Is that so? Shit.”

She chuckled. “What? You don't bring umbrella?” 

“Who would?” The weather hot as oven. He walked to their left—to the Shibuya Station, making sure he watched his steps since the last thing he wanted was bumping his shoulders with a wrong person. Since it was Sunday, and it seemed everyone had the same plan on how to spend their day.

There was nothing different from the Shibuya he saw a year ago beside several stores he knew had replaced by new stores. Such as, the clothing store named ‘Pink’ he stopped by after Mai told him she wanted to check.

The pink-painted store replaced another clothing store. But, than dolls or heart the previous customer-less store decorated by skulls and stickers with cursings. At times he visited the store to buy what bargained. He preferred not to mention whom accompanied him.

Several boys waiting outside the store. They did similar things in different ways—kept checking their phone or wristwatch, then looking inside, trying to find whom ever they waited for before shrugging. Funny to see. Girls crowded the store, comparing accessories or checking whether the clothes looks good on them or not.

Among them, a lithe, delicate looking boy seemed busy picking clothes from the genderless or—what people nowadays said as—androgynous style's shelf. The teenager stopped when a girl tapped his shoulder to show him a bag. Her long wavy hair reached her hips, and she wore a skirt. Though, her broad shoulders and her tall figure showed her secondary sex. What a rare couple.

Taka wagged his hand around his neck. “Fucking hot...” Thanks to Mai, he spent his day-off under a glaring weather than sleeping in an air-conditioned bedroom.

Yesterday she told him she wanted to go to Shibuya and asked him if he wanted to come along. Thinking it was a nice idea, since the entire week felt better without the Fucking Blondie, he accepted. He said to his mom he would use public transportations instead. He thought it would be another step for him. 

Maybe tomorrow he would walk to and from school than escorted by car as usual.

He walked closer to the store beside the pink store and peering around him. “Omega Center... eh?” He raised a brow. Across the street, on the intersection, stood a new building of Omega Center. 

What was there before?

Slipping his hand to his jeans' pocket, Taka leaned his back to the store's window. 

A black SUV parked outside the building. A middle-aged man walked back and forth. Sometimes he wiped his face with his palms. Sometimes he massaged his nape. And, sometimes he peeked inside the building. After minutes had passed, he stopped, facing the entrance. There was only one function the Omega Center had beside sheltering the abandoned or unemployed Omegas. Only one.

“Taka?” 

The man's shoulders dropped. He hung his head. Palm placed on his mouth. What kind of sound the middle-aged man made? He shook his head. 

“What?”

The middle-aged man faced the sky. What did he searched there? Wonder, if he blamed himself.

“Are you all right? You look pale... I'm sorry... if I took long.“

A teenage boy in a wheelchair pushed by a middle-aged woman came out. His raven hair hid his face. Bandage wrapped his neck and arms to hide scars. It would leave his skin in a mere one month. Yet, the scar in his chest, it rot. Pus swam in his blood. Maggots ate his heart. Left him with a huge hole. But, then he realized something was different with him. When he threw up in the morning, he failed to understand what it meant until his belly growing.

The teenager was him a year ago.

“Let's.. just go home.”

July 2016. Two weeks after he was raped.

  
•••

  
Word was absent from the rest of their walk toward the station. Sometimes from the corner of his eyes, he caught Mai peering at him, her brows knitted and when she parted her lips, she ended up looking to different side. To be honest, he wanted to say something, to break the wall he erected. But, his lips glued. Too tight. Too strong. He didn't want her to blame herself; but, he left her to blame herself.

“I–” 

“What is it Mai?” Taka stopped, positioning himself to stand in front of her. His eyes fell to the small package she brought. What did she bought?

She grinned. Looked awkward. “Is it okay if I—” She nodded her head at the sign showing where the toilet was. “The train should come in around 15 minutes, I won't be... long...” Her voice dropped into a whisper. 

How to tell her it wasn't her fault? But something else. Yet, being honest was never an option. What lie should he make?

“Of course,” Taka paused, “I—” He scanned around him. “I will be there.” He pointed to where vending machines lined. “Do you want something? What about a bottled milkshake? Or juice? I'll buy you one. Because, well, I... I have fun today.”

Mai's eyes widened as her smile grew. “Sure.”

He scratched his nape. “Juice ok? You'll get fat if too much milkshake.”

“What?!” She puffed her cheeks, then waving her hand. “Sure, sure, juice. Wait me there, okay!”

“Okay.”

A long sigh escaped his mouth. Clicking his heels, he approached the vending machines. Some sold beverages and the others snacks and fruits, also overpriced toys and key chains. Taka fished his wallet from his jeans' back pocket, taking several coins. He touched his oversized t-shirt chest pocket to feel the texture of a tube filled with _it_ —suppressant.

His psychiatrist questioned him why he needed another prescription when it should be next month. He said, as what he told his mom and grandma, he accidentally spilled it to the toilet. She skeptical but she prescribed him.

That wheelchair boy...

Would he end up as him...? Or...

Taka shook his head. “Forget it.” He observed the vending machine, wondering what should he buy among the colorful bottles of juice, milk, and tea. Pineapple juice? Another orange juice for him? Or what if a tea? Maybe mineral water? Strawberry milkshake looks good. All right, milkshake for him and apple juice for Mai. That Beta girl going to chaff him he knew. He counted the coins on his palm, taking two 100 yen coins for the juice.

He was ready to plunge a coin into a machine when a pup ran into him. The mother ran to her pup before he was able to help the young boy. Taka waved his hand to the mother when she begged for forgiveness. His focus then tried to find a coin that flew from his grip. Feet. Feet. A candy wrapper. Where the fuck did his 100 yen go? “There you are.” He heaved a long sigh when he saw a shiny thing two steps from him. 

It was his coin.

Putting the coins he had to his chest pocket, he strolled toward it. He lowered his body, stretching his arm out. “I'm sorry, that's my—”

But...

The familiar scent terrorized his sense made him stepped back. Blood rushing fast in his veins. As he straightened his body, his question got the answer. 

“Yamashita...”

The familiar figure stood in front of him. Nothing change in these two weeks. His blond strands striking among the dull haired strangers. Nothing change. His tall figure contrasted him. Nothing change. Those dark irises haunted him, asking for his soul. Nothing change—but, the bruises was nowhere to be seen. The living catastrophe. Yamashita Toru.

“Your money.” The baritone dominated his sense.

How could he forget? From tomorrow, the Alpha would return to his life.

Taka swallowed his saliva. He stared at the coin the forgotten blond Alpha held out to him. The entire week was good—the sun shone bright, cloud moved as lazy as a sloth, and laughter filled the classroom. He knew almost everyone in the class. The tallest Beta named Sato. The cheerful girl his classmates called Yurippe. Sato liked Yurippe, and the class supported Sato to confess. It was something he lost from the last year of his high school. He wanted to retrieve it back. That was why he repeated.

“Keep it.”

Why it was too short? Why couldn't it be longer? Why?

“What?”

He lifted his chin, trying to keep his eyes to the Alpha's. Taking the tube from his chest pocket, he held it tight in his balled fist. “Keep it.”

“What is this?” The blond stared into his subconsciousness as if he hid the answer in his eyes.

Taka threw his gaze toward the other side. The strangers around him made him uneasy than helping. When they glanced at them, maybe they thought something interesting happened between the blond Alpha and him. 

“I said, keep it!” He attacked the Alpha with hatred gleaming in his eyes.

Why don't you fucking understand?! 

“Fuck,” he bit his underlip, “just throw the money if you don't want to keep it.” 

Was his words shaken?

Anxious his eyes tried to find the toilet's sign. It had been five minutes why that girl hasn't come back? She said, she won't be long. Annoying. Shit. Shit. Fucking shit.

He turned his back, ready to leave. “Do what you wish.”

“Am I really that disgusting?” The Alpha laughed. Low, and heavy. As if he fought back the overflowed emotions that began to spill. His blond strands hid the expression he made when he lowered his head, looking at the coin on his palm.

“It was my brother.”

The Alpha snorted. “It was my brother who did it, and I'm also disgusting?” He fisted his hand, holding the coin tight. 

“Am I that disgusting for you?”

Taka jolted when their eyes met. “I...” Cold gripped his shoulders. He couldn't describe what he noticed from the Alpha's eyes. Did he mad? Was he in pain?

What should he do? He shifted his gaze toward the sea of crowd. He searched for the answer he didn't find. They were busy with their own life. They were busy with their own problem. The Alpha and him never mattered to them. As they are for him. For the Alpha.

“... I...” The word he wanted to stay stopped in his throat. Choked him. 

Yamashita smiled. “Funny, isn't it?” The Alpha came closer to him, but not an inch he moved from his place. “Nobody knew about my brother before.”

Taka gaped his mouth. “What do you mean?”

The Alpha reached his right hand. He should run. He should slap the Alpha's hand. Yet, he lingered in his place, letting the Alpha touched his trembling hand.

“For me, he's only my dad's child from another mate.”

The coin on his palm felt cold—freezing his heart.

“Then, when he raped someone,” The Alpha snorted. His gaze was tender, “I'm his brother.”

An announcement echoed inside the station. In a sudden, the Alpha's baritone no longer dominated his sense. The crowd buzzed. His head hurt by the yelling and screaming.

“The train arrived.” The Alpha clicked his tongue. His eyes gleamed with hatred.

Yamashita sighed. “Are you with Suzuhira?” The Alpha asked as he averted his gaze toward the escalator.

“Yeah.”

The blond checked his phone. “Where is she?” Fast, he typed something, and he glanced toward the escalator again. What the Alpha tried to find there fished his curiosity.

“Toilet.”

What did you try to find? Who did you wait for?

“Go to her place.” Careful the Alpha pushed his shoulder. His heavy-lidded eyes drooped, before he closed it. “Please.” The tone as soft and gentle as the way the Alpha stared at him. A plea than an order.

Taka took a step backward. “See you tomorrow,” he said to someone he wished to not meet.

Plodding between the crowd, he hung his head. Sometimes his shoulders bumped into them. There were those who said nothing. Those who yelled at him. And, those who said sorry. He stopped in the middle, putting back the tube to his chest pocket. He opened his other hand. The 100 yen coin glistened under the light.

Was it disgusting to have this coin on your palm, Takahiro? Was it disgusting when a brother of a rapist touched you? But, you had met the disgusting one. 

If that person had a brother, what would you do?

“Oh, so—”

The second after, the questions no longer filled his head. The one who bumped his shoulder no longer a stranger. But, since that day, he no more recognized this person.

The scent was disgusting. Sweat made it more disgusting when the owner trapped him under his nasty body. That day, when the owner's filthy mouth told him a loving word.

 _I love you_.

“Takahiro...?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n : I decided the mom and dad will be mom and dad based on their primary gender — afaik there were those who called omegas as mom or girlfriend, but to avoid confusion for those who were not familiar with abo, I used "dad" for male, and "mom" for female. 
> 
> So for example, Mai had two mothers. She called her moms as Alpha mom and Beta mom. 
> 
> With this, I hope I could avoid confusion. :") 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter XD thank you for readiiing :")


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

 

 

Kitahara Natsuya.

His friend. His best friend.

Their meeting happened after he left the school's auditorium, having finished his audition for the choir club. Out of nowhere a tall and lean handsome teenager blocked his way. The wind brought the teenager's addictive scent into his sense, which reminded him of a wood under the sun. Warm and not a slightest intimidated him.

The teenager was Summer in the beginning of Spring. Yet his sharp eyes screamed Autumn with its color of fallen leaves, the same color as his shoulder length hair which danced to the Spring's wind melody. Peeking between the strands, he could see the teenager's pierced ears.

His heart beat a skip the moment he heard the teen Alpha's laugh as the teen tried to fight the wind that swayed his hair. Than harsh as the peak of Summer, the teen baritone spoke warmness before the Summer started. It was heavy although Yamashita's was heavier and deeper.

The name the teenager then told him, described everything about the teen's own self.

The wind calmed, but his heart beat became wild when the teenager told him how he loved his voice. He tried hard to control his breathe; tried hard to not doing anything funny. The teenager burned his cheeks with happiness.

Join my club, the Alpha teen said. Then joked he'd be as old as the choir songs if he stayed in the choir club. His band—the club needed him the most.

That moment he hoped his heart wouldn't be too tired for beating too fast. However, he refused. He denied the offer. The teen Alpha rejected his rejection toward his request. He tried to run. Too bad the Alpha chased him with no sign of giving up. A week passed and he was their vocalist.

Was he regretted his decision to join the band? He wasn't.

Did he hope he never met the teen Alpha? He didn't.

With them he was happy. With the teen Alpha he was super happy. They made him forgot of everything happened years before: about the Alpha who punched his face and broke his nose when he refused to give his car toy; about his then Beta friends who distanced themselves as they grew up because he had becoming a fragile porcelain vase; about everything. The teen Alpha healed his pride than broke it more as most Alphas did to him.

With them he was Moriuchi Takahiro.

Their vocalist. A human.

What he regretted was how he never fell for the teen Alpha. Perhaps, their future would never be sullied by lust he couldn't satisfy.

Perhaps, they'd become boyfriend. If he thought of it, having a boyfriend a year older than him wasn't a bad thing. Perhaps, they'd be a mate—a true mate as most Omegas and Beta girls wished. Then they'd have little pups together—a twin sounded interesting.

However, he never loved anyone. That was why everything happened.

Hatred grew in his hollowed chest. Lust wilted his future before it matured. Winter came before he was ready to find a proper clothes to protect himself. Naked. The fire died, what left was only cold for his already freezing skin. Cold freezed his tear ducts, made him unable to cry even when pain tortured him.

If he loved the teen Alpha, would he still recognized the person who stood before him?

The person's distorted face screamed nightmare. His eyes coldly stared at him as though corpse's eyes. Emotionless and scary. How this person stared at him that night.

The person's lanky posture drowned in a white shirt with long sleeves hid his arms. Maybe his arms were tattooed with something to identify him as a dirty person. Though, nobody would care since they blamed the one he dirtied.

Why left with that person when it was already midnight? Yeah, he regretted it too. Were you sure he wasn't in his heat? He was sure—too sure—his heat would happen the next month. He told no lie; nobody believed.

Smelling the person's scent made him wanted to puke. The scent of rotten fishes left under the sun. Worst as it mixed with sweat in the air.

And, why this person cutted his mud colored hair too short? When the one who spent his time in a jail was him. He didn't understand.

Come to my apartment, this person said, I have something to show you.

In the Summer's night, like this person's name, this person showed him two things: first, a new guitar this person bought and modified; the other, that he was nothing but a sex doll as this person raped him.

With this person, he was never human

“Takahiro? Is that you?”

“Don't say my name.” Don't say his name with the same breathy voice as _you panted and groaned. When you were the only one who felt good._

_It was hurt for me._

He fisted his hands. It hurted him enough to make him sure it'd be more than crescent shape marks left on his skin. What should he do?

Taka gritted his teeth. Something urged him to do what he imagined all this time: yelled at this person about how worst his life had turned for what he did to him; punched and kick this person; and screamed how much he hated this pervert. Then he wanted to ask questions.

_Why did you do that me? Dirtied me. We're friend, aren't we? Why did you betrayed me? What fault had I done that you raped me?_

_Why the punishments were so horrible?_

He shook his head, “Don't... say my name...” his focus running toward the floor. He grabbed his right arm, his nails dug into his skin. It hurts, but it was nothing.

“Don't say... my name...”

Everyone moved so fast. Their shoes turned into a distorted trippy colors; nauseated him as though the drug this person forced him drank.

A guy yelled to a passerby because they bumped into his shoulder; a little pup cried, he begged for his dad to buy him a car toy; and the sound of the steps rushing toward the train gave him headache. Everything became too clear in his ears.

Just as before everyone busied themselves with their own problem, enough to not care of the strangers they passed by. For them, they were two teenagers stood in front of each other, talking of something they couldn't care less. Never a second they'd though this person and him were a rapist and his victim.

They were only strangers in their already busy life.

“Takahiro!”

“I said don't say my na—!” His eyes widened, horrified by the scene happened in front of him. The forgotten blond Alpha barged into them and lunged his fist at that person's face. All of sudden what he saw on the rooftop and what happened in their class replayed. With a scream they were part of the busy strangers' life. Today they'd come home with a story they'd never understand. Still, it made their boring life became a little interesting.

Taka freezed in his place. In his throat, he wanted to yell at the blond Alpha to stop. In his heart, the wanted the blond Alpha to keep punching the fallen person's face as strong as he could.

‘Don't stop. Kill him. Just kill him!’ The voice screamed in his head. _Show him how much a catastrophe you are, Yamashita Toru!_

“What... are you doing?” That person groaned in pain as he pushed the blond Alpha's from top of him. He was as strong as the other Alpha.

Taka clenched his jaw. He found no fear embraced him. His eyes opened wide as if he'd lost something important if he blinked. He fell in love with the terrorizing scent in the air.

The blond Alpha plummeted on his back after that person bashed his face. He stood back on his feet, grabbed that person's shirt and paid his pain with punch against that person's face. Happiness filled his heart when that person plunged into the floor; writhing in pain. However, the pain that person gave him hurted more.

_Don't stop. Please, don't stop._

Taka swallowed his saliva. He grabbed his t-shirt's chest pocket. His heart thumped his chest fast, full of curiosity of what'd happen next. But—

“Yamashita...?”

He creased his forehead as the blond Alpha stood before him. The nostalgic purplish blue colored the Alpha's right cheek. “What are you doing?”

“I'll bring you home.” The Alpha averted his gaze from his questioning stare.

“Why?” Why did you stopping? Look! That person still there! He writhes in pain, but he didn't die yet!

But, all he did was frowning.

Yamashita grabbed his wrist; forcing him to follow the Alpha's steps as they barging into the crowd.

“Wa-it!” Taka looked back toward the crowd. He buried his canine teeth into his under lip. A faint cooper taste dominated his sense. Any pain would never bothered him since he familiared himself with the most painful thing.

One, when he was raped. Two, when he killed _His Hope_. And...

A guy offered his hand to that person, an old man helped the same nasty teen to sit and a young woman was trying to find something in her purse. Why that grandma chuckled and patted that person's shoulder? What did they thought about the fight? Why? Why were they helping that nasty person?

He dirtied him. He raped him.

Why were they helping that person instead of him? Where were they when he needed them? Why they were deafened themselves when he begged for help?

Why? This too, he didn't understand.

Taka grimaced as pain stung his knees after he tripped on the stairs. The Alpha released his wrist and knelt beside him, his arm hugging his shoulders and his fingers gently squeezing it. A frowned forehead greeted him as his irises reflected the Alpha's face. It was still looking as stiff as always, as though a statue that had only an expression the maker carved in their face. Their lips smiled; their eyes spoke otherwise. Cold and dead like the stone they made from.

Resembled a person he saw that night. The moment Kitahara Natsuya disappeared from his life.

He stared at the Alpha. At Yamashita Toru. He observed the Alpha's face. Looked normal. The Alpha had nose and lips. His stare was gentle and soft than threatening. Were it the same soul-eating irises he disliked?

“Are you okay?” Yamashita's tone sounded warm. Somehow cold suited him better.

Taka pressed his lips together. He frowned deeper, “Isn't it obvious?”

Yamashita lowered his head, shaking it. “I'm sorry.”

When a stranger barked at them for lingering in the stairs, the Alpha said the same thing. The man's scent described his arrogance. Did that guy ever raped someone too?

“Let's go home.” The blond Alpha then said.

Taka hung his head. “Hey...”, he balled his fist, “...how's that Omega?”

Silence happened between them. The announcement for the upcoming train echoed in the station.

“Omega?” The Alpha's tone was careful.

He nodded. “The one your brother raped...” His bitter chuckles followed his sentence. “How are they? ”

Soon his ears drummed by the rushing steps from the train passengers trying to catch the train. Several people murmured how they were a bother or how Yamashita was the teen they saw in a fight before.

“I don't know,” The Alpha said, almost silenced by a yell from an angry hurried passenger. “Let's go, the train will leave.” He sounded calm—or maybe he knew the way to hide his feeling.

Taka brought himself to stand as the Alpha helped him. Putting his weight on the handrail, he gestured the Alpha that he could walk on his own. He peered around them, then toward his behind. Maybe he'd find a distorted face among them. However, he wished for it to not happened.

“Do you...” Saliva trailed down his throat. Staring back at the blond Alpha, he strengthened his grip on the handrail. His lips trembled. “Do you hate your brother?”

There was a long pause. Yamashita stared at him, seeming undecided about the answer he should gave. He knitted his brows. His jawline sharpened as he clenched his jaw. How strong the Alpha fisted his fingers?

“I hate him.”

Something he didn't understand pressured his chest and shoulders. Without asking for a permitt, chuckles escaped his mouth. “... I... I see...” Chuckles evolved into heavy laughs, sounded bitter than the pills inside the tube hiding in his chest pocket. Too bitter that it numbed his taste bud.

“Hey...” Taka raised his head, face facing the teen beside him. The only one he recognized among the unfamiliar crowd. “Will you... Will you promise me a thing?”

“What is it?” The Alpha said, breathless.

The overflowing thought inside him suffocated him. He took a deep breath. “Don't do the same thing as your brother.”

Gradually the Alpha's face lost its sterness. He frowned deeper. His lips gaped. “Then...”, he paused, reaching for his right wrist which made him startled, “will you believe in me?”

His eyes widened. Taka bit his under lip. He lowered his head, searching for the answer on the floor. “I...” He swallowed his saliva. His breathe became heavier. “Yes...” He nodded. Once. Twice. Thrice. He lifted his head, answering the Alpha's stare, “I will...”

Weird isn't it? What he did? He did too, wanted to know the reason.

“I'll believe you.”

The Alpha released his wrist. His expression relaxed, however he saw determination within Yamashita's eyes. He closed his eyes. When he opened it, all he saw from the Alpha's midnight irises was his reflection.

“I promise you, Takahiro.”

This time it was him who hid his irises. “ _Thank you_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading. Also thank you for waiting the slow me to update! I'm very slow recently. He he. I tried to edit as I could because my internet getting bad again, so I don't use a grammar app :) I hope it was nice to read. And, anyway if you speak bahasa or understand it. I wrote several toruka fics on Wattpad. Such as Everlasting Love: http://my.w.tt/UiNb/p0KKxDweEG . I'd be happy if you want to check. Again, thank you for reading.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can make you enjoy this :')

 

 

 

Caught in hysteria and fear should be what happened toward him, followed by screaming at everyone around him to tell what _That Person_ had done to him. If not, he could run faraway, as fast as his thin legs bring him. Far from the terror. Far from the hatred. Then hide. He needed to hide himself in a place where no one able to find him.

A place where even lights hated it. A place engulfed with darkness, like the bedroom he began to leave. Perhaps he should go back. Back to where darkness existed. To where he belong after the night.

However what Takahiro done was nothing but standing still at the platform. Empty eyes stared at the sky where happiness's cloud ran from the sadness. Melancholic raindrops wetted the once dry land. Droplets one by one drew patterns on the gray rocks and railpads—a reminiscent of the patterns he had on the pillows and sheets the moment a memory he hated replayed.

He should've go and run. Hide. However he stood still on the station's floor, glued by the memory refused to leave him alone.

“Natsu...” His voice caught in the throat, unable to finish the name that'd ring handsomely in his ear. Like that night.

 _Natsu. Natsu. Natsu._ He called.

But his trembled lips was unable to finish the name, therefore Natsuya gone. Disappeared from his life without a notice. Abandoned him without a promise to return. All that remained was a rapist and his victim. He lost the person he admired.

He lost a best friend.

Cruel. Natsuya was cruel.

“Yama...” Taka coughed after he heard his throaty voice. “Yamashita...” This voice was much better, though he sounded like he almost cry.

“Hm?” unenthusiastic baritone answered.

Railway's stones had turned darker—funny how he could make a simile of his life out of it. The train in the next line across of him sweated with rain as it waited for passengers to hop in. Railwayman sprinted and jumped into his platform, as he patted his shoulders mouth motioned sentences. And the front most of the queued passengers took one step behind to avoid rain beads threatened their clothes, pushed everyone back in process.

“What are you doing in Shibuya?”

Funny, how the sun was on top of their head before rain poured all of a sudden. Without warning. He should've watched the weather forecast or at least listened when his mom suggested for the driver to drive Mai and him to Shibuya. His confidence brought him disaster no one forecasted.

Mai's mom was right.

And, oh yeah, Mai. Did she looking for him? Did she angry? Should he buy her steak tomorrow? Two plates. Or until no money left in his wallet.

“Working.” Deep sigh escaped the Alpha's mouth. “Do you like KFC? We just released new menus yesterday. Cheezy Chicken cheesier than any pick up line or Double Fish Fillets Burger because two always better than one.” Despite the sarcastic tone, he believed the Alpha worked at KFC.

Taka gazed at the Alpha. “And why did you—”why did you stop“—attack him?”

Yamashita opened his mouth, but no word was heard. Soul-eating eyes hid behind eyelids. With no voice from the Alpha's mouth, he heard a woman barked at a teen asked for a forgiven, for his bad deed. Dirtied the woman handbag.

“I thought...” Two dark irises ate his soul as they exchanged stare. “I thought he forced you for money.”

Taka squinted his eyes. “... I see.” Cold breeze embraced his body, and he shivered with the fact he wore a short sleeves t-shirt. Even hugging himself couldn't fight back the cold and warmth his body. All right, his mom's voice echoed in his head.

_I did told you to eat more, didn't I?_

Now he understood why Seal has lots of fat and didn't freeze despite living at the artic.

“Takahiro...” The unfamiliar tone the Alpha used reminded him of the earthy scent brought by the rain.

Pair of eyes observed around him than focused at the Alpha beside him. “What?” Rain had found its way to create small pools here and there. As a kid he always begged his parents to try putting gold fishes on the pool, curious whether the gold fishes could find its way to the sea. Up until now, he had never released gold fishes in the sea too.

“Here.”

Almond-shaped eyes went rounder and wider. Brows shaped into m as he created a crease on his forehead. “What?” Confused, he gave the Alpha a long stare. Right index finger pointed at the red checkered long sleeves shirt.

“You feel cold, don't lie,” monotone baritone said. The owner shook the shirt that before clad his lean body and left unbuttoned. A plain black shirt was what left on the Alpha's body.

“Huh?” Taka raised a brow. Dejection showed on his face. “What if I feel cold?” His voice rose an octave, “I'd better freeze to death than wearing your clothes.”

“I thought we've become friend.” A hollow smile adorned the Alpha's face. Rain's winds swayed the blond strands so careful and gentle.

If Natsuya was the Summer's sun; Toru was the Spring's rain, the Summer's rain, the Autumn's rain, and the Winter's rain. He was a sign for a change. Existed to ease the suffering from the previous season; _also to bring disaster_.

“In your dream.” His expression and tone hardened. “Just because we made a promise doesn't mean we're friend!” Fists clenched the bags straps tight. The backpack added more weight on his shoulders, despite inside the bag were only a pair of new shoes and two t-shirts. A half filled bottled water wouldn't be this heavy.

But... heavy...

“What?” The shirt clad the owner's body once again. Long fingers trailed the shirt's collar, and as he locked his focus at the Alpha's eyes—”Is that because I'm disgusting?”—he found the nostalgic pain. And, nostalgic purple bruises from the corner of the Alpha's tired smile.

Disgusting. A word people used for homeless people and dirty things or acts. Worst when it aimed at people who had, what deemed as, infertile relationship. Depend on how it said disgusting could be a joke or insult. Yamashita asked for the latter meaning.

Touching the coin was disgusting. As if he would be infected with cholera's, malaria's and even HIV's viruses after he touched it. He had lost the disgusting 100 yen coin. Perhaps, it fell when he bumped the most disgusting person. All the diseases _That Person_ had had infected his heart.

His life.

“Every Alpha are.” Taka stared down. “We are wearing same shoes, eh?,” he whispered almost silence. Weary. Distinguished by the white part that had turned grey and the worn-out body, Yamashita's shoes looked tired than his. The tip of his Converse shoes almost trespassed out of the yellow line. A childhood memory drew bitter expression on his face.

How much pride he had as a kid to step on the yellow line? When his parents scolded him, he would answer with a naughty grin. An Omega with a pride of an Alpha, his late grandpa said.

“Just because of an Alpha?”

 _A pride broke by an Alpha_.

Taka glowered. ”It's not ‘just because of an Alpha’!” Without he able to control his overflowed emotions, he yelled at Yamashita. The Alpha. Trembling fist tightened its clench on his backpack's straps. He breathed fast and heavy.

Because of an Alpha his hope faded like the earthy scent the calm Summer's rain brought him. Even outside the chain bounded him tighter, he was trapped between the hot body and the freezing floor. The droplets trailed his arms reminded him of something. Sticky on his skin. The whitish droplets slithered from his chest, to the stomach he grabbed, then far down there. On his thighs. Thin thread connected limp enthusiasm and his freed inside. The seeds—part of it leaked and pooled under his ass and another swam in him.

He hated Alphas.

And it's not ‘just because of an Alpha’.

“Stop asking! And stop talking! You know nothing...” Taka pressed his lips.

Whistling marked the train's departure and the announcement prepared him for his train. He took one step backward, created distance with the yellow line that five hours ago had reminded him of the freedom he once had. Enthusiastic thumps had departed with the train, a reminiscent of nonexistent freedom was the whistling sound.

He no longer had a freedom since that day.

“I...” Yamashita's baritone collided with the train's arrival cheery announcement. The noisy wooshed train buried the sentence the Alpha's said. What left was only a slow movement of lips: _I do know a thing_.

“And I'm different with him.”

The sentence Yamashita said was without hesitation and with a tone of anger. The jaw line hardened like a pair of gaze the Alpha reflected him with. A gaze that convinced him to give up the trust he had no longer give to anyone. The stare they exchanged told him of the truth the Alpha hold in his words and the gleam of the soul eating eyes.

Steps rushed toward the train. Shoulders bruised with another passengers who were ready to leave the station. A yell, a sigh, a cry evolved into distortion pierced his eardrums.

“What... do...” The rest of the sentence caught in his throat and he gulped it back. Pain pricked his stomach, stress maybe was the cause. He thought today would be as better as previous day. He was wrong.

“Hurt...” Taka closed his eyes, tightening his grip on the t-shirt around his belly. Inside, pain knifed; sliced him open, the dead pup stolen from his then empty womb. _How pity you were? Came from a rapist and a victim._

_Too busy with my own hatred that I let you go. Failed to protect you. But, did, for once, I ever think to protect you? Everytime I swallowed hard matters to replace the salty liquid that stuck in my throat._

“Takahiro...?” The worried baritone brought him back to the surface. Looking at the Alpha he found another smile for his sight. Faint. Weary.

Eyes downcasted, Taka chewed his bottom lip, holding the acid sneaked from his stomach to his throat. He gulped it back to where it should be. Bitter dominated his tongue. Needles pricked his throat and ears. He sniffed, and his breathe reeked of vomit.

Fingers snaked onto his t-shirt's chest pocket, the shape on his palm as he grabbed it, reminded him of how useless it was.

A no help. He wasn't all right.

Taka shook his head. “Nothing. Let's go...”

All it took should be only one step to the wagon and they would be separated again. When he reach home, a place where safety might belong, he could start contemplating what would he do after he saw _That Person_ again. But, in this unfair world, everything worked against him.

“ _Takahiro_!”

Haunting terror froze him in his place. His heart pounded fast, it threatened to break his rips. Vocal chord frozen, made him unable to scream despite his mouth gaped. As if that day returned and forced his sense realized of everything happened. Of a fact he was never safe at the first place. A fact everything would never be okay, no matter how much pills he swallowed. No matter how much babies he lost.

“ _Takahiro wait!_ ”

The distorted face came closer. He was the only one who looked less like human among the crowd. Skin blood red. Flesh melted. He was hot and a hell.

_Stupid! Why you stayed in the first place!_

_Run! Run faster! Run far away and never look back!_ , the voice in his head screamed.

Taka stared at his own shaking feet. Despite the terror he still frozen in his place. He screamed at himself to run, but the body denied him of its control. He was once again trapped. In the same icy maze. In the same cold jail.

Without the sun shoned him, his fear would never melt.

But...

“ _Takahiro! Let's go!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting!
> 
> So yeah! What do you think of this chapter? Can you find what secret have been revealed and what question raised in this chapter? I hope this chapter is clear enough ❤
> 
> Aww this is long! Thank you for reading! Kudoing! Commenting! Everything! See you in next chapter! Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ 
> 
> Also please pray and hope for ToruKa to be real. （＾ω＾) every pray and hope is matter!
> 
> — Zen ❤


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

 

 

Third times.

Twice today.

Yamashita Toru had grabbed his wrist and forced him running. After this he could bet the Alpha would ask him: 'Are you okay?', and he would answer with another pissed tone, but at least he had different sentence. Or, probably this time it'd be the other way. Probably, yeah, probably. And probably Yamashita would react differently this time. The wounded stare became a raised brow and prideful snort. A naughty smile appeared on the Alpha's face.

“You should say ‘thank you’,” like Natsuya would do and say. “T-h-a-n-k space y-o-u.” His thin lips drew a smirk after as he squinted his sharp eyes. “And, join my band.” With a grin, his brows twitched up and down.

“I never asked for your help!” and he himself would scream, right on the teen Alpha's face before he dashed away. Inside the class he would complain about the red mark on his wrist to himself. A prove of how tight the Alpha gripped his wrist.

He saw the same mark the first time Yamashita forced him running, leaving the rival Alpha he fought before. Natsuya did it after a bunch of bully Betas forced him for money. He guessed, the teen Alpha stalked him again and opted to save him as part to make him joined the band club. What a horrible guy. But, happiness came together with annoyance. Someone needed him.

Someone he ran from.

Run. Run. Running, all he did. All they did. Pain crept in his muscles and joints, weary, but he ignored it like he did toward the pain in his shoulders. He had forgotten how much shoulders he bumped, though he didn't remember if he even counting.

Those people yelled, neither he nor the Alpha beg for forgiveness this time. In the busy crowd, a whisper echoed in his ears. In his head. _Takahiro, Takahiro wait!_

Why? Why should he wait? What should he wait for? A friend who had turned into someone else? Someone else he would never wanted to have in his life. But that person had been in his life since one year ago. Every night his face appeared on his dream. Nightmare by nightmare. With the same breathe, with the same sentences said as that person pressed him with his weight.

A pup calling his name was the other dream. _Why?_ , then the pup asked. _Why do you kill me?_

At times the same question repeated in his head over and over. When it happened, neither staying awake or fall asleep he could do. What left was only to listen to the cry of his unborn child, wondering what was his fault that he let him go. That he killed him

One. Two. One. Two. He breathed. His mouth wide open and perhaps he drolled with sweat entered his mouth. Sweat that dripped from the corner of his temple, down through the cheeks and chin. Fringes matted on his forehead, blocking his view even though he realized they left the train carriage already.

They— _he_ was a deer. A herbivore that ran away from a tiger ready to pounce and tear it into pieces. Running, the only ability the deer had beside its useless innocent face that'd scare nothing. Even tiger running faster than it. In the end its legs had gone tired and it gave up, falling into the grass and letting the tiger teared its neck as two pair of black orbs stared into the void. Closing eyes, it said goodbye to the world.

Like him in that night.

“Hurts...” Taka murmured. Legs ached and pain throbbed his wrist. Looking up, he saw the Alpha's back. This time he found neither dirt nor blood from his current checkered shirt.

The Alpha had wider back than the teen Alpha he once knew. The nostalgic feeling, however, refused to leave him. It as if he knew that back well. The back he once always stared and smiled at, sometimes envied. Most of time he leaned his back on it. With him singing and the teen Alpha he once knew strumming his guitar. No matter how bad their music was, since they had the worst bassist, drummer and keyboardist, he felt happy. Too happy.

How the Alpha he once knew saw his back, he wanted to know. To understand his view. Maybe the moment he understood it, he would find the reason for that night. For every bites and scratches That Person left on his neck and back.

_Was it, really because of love?_

Taka reached the Alpha's wrist, stopping their movement. “Let me go.” He realized his hands trembled and he choked on his own breathe. Coughed several times. The bitter and acidic taste of the vomit he gulped had spread all over his taste bud. The acid pricked his ears and throat hurt.

Yamashita turned halfway, his fingers still wrapped around his wrist. “Why?” he asked, soul-eating eyes stared in both confusion and disbelief. The Alpha, did too, breathed heavily. His shoulders moved in the same rhyme as him. Up and down. Up and down. An invisible pressure placed on their shoulders and no one noticed.

He knew, they would never care.

“Just...” Taka frowned, pulling their wrists apart. “Just let me go!” he yelled, couldn't care less if That Person heard and then found him. If that happened he could run again. Because that was the only thing he could do as weakling. Shit.

Indeed Moriuchi—Morita Takahiro was a weakling and it had been destined since his birth. Suck, right? He wanted to laugh.

“But—” The Alpha tightened his grip. His brows almost met and worried, perhaps worried, was what drawn on his face.

Taka gritted his teeth. “That's hurt! Let me go...” He took a step back, again pulling his hand out from the Alpha's grasp.

“I'm sorry...” Shaking his head, Yamashita's fingers grasped his other hand, making both of his hands inside the Alpha's held. The worried expression replaced by a stiff expression. In those soul-eating eyes he found something he couldn't understand. A seriousness? Fear? Or both? “I can't.”

“Fuck!” Taka slapped the Alpha's hand. Strong enough to make the Alpha flinched, and he took his chance, he yanked his wrist from Yamashita's weakened grip.

“Taka—”

This time he ran off by himself. A thing he should do from the moment he met That Person. This time he was alone. Alone again in the world that seemed too big for him. Like he always did before he met Natsuya.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

His bag rattled as he trotted between people. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, he mouthed, hands busy pushing anyone stood in his way. How many people did Japan had? Japan supposed to have low birth rate, then why there were too many people? In this pace he could...That Person could...and Yamashita... He wanted to go home. To his dark bedroom. But, he forgot that place wasn't dark anymore. This entire week was too good. So, he forgot.

Worst, because he should've known it better. How a happiness would never stay forever. Only sadness did.

What happened in this entire week and today.

What happened three years ago and a year ago.

_You are an idiot, Takahiro._

Without bothering to look back or stopped when reached outside the station, Taka dashed through the rain. Puddle of rain splashed, greeted by his steps. Rain slashed his face and skin. Cold seeped inside his clothes and crept onto his skin, but he already too familiar with something colder. More than his bedroom that he refused of light for almost a year. More than the hospital's and Omega Center's bed. His heart frozen after his mother answered his question.

“It hurts.”

He sprinted. Faster and faster, ignoring the ache in his legs, and the pain in his chest.

“It hurts. It hurts.”

His mom's face when he asked the question, had never faded from his memory. His beautiful mom looked tired, wrinkles protruded, her eye bags swollen—or was it her eyes?

His question? _“Why there's scars in my belly?”_

Why did he—? Why did he the one who got punished? Why couldn't he be forgiven? The red pills...the only fire he had so he could keep his body and his Hope from freezing. Then, why did he the one who got punished?

What about That Person?

Why did people helped him? Why did people believe him?

Why everything were his faults?

“Takahiro! Shit!”

A huge power stripped his right from deciding where to go. A huge truck passed in front of him—them—, splashing puddled rain all over them like a hyperactive bully he hurted back during his elementary school day. Calf-like arm all red after he shoved the bully Alpha down a hill during their study trip.

“Let me go!” Taka tried to break loose. He yanked his hands out of the fingers that became too familiar on his skin, but he failed. Those fingers were too strong, though, no wonder, it owned by the strongest kind in this world. Then why? Why he didn't born as one?

“Calm—”

“I said, let me go!” His fists punched the Alpha aimlessly. Right got the shoulder, the chest, and left got the chest, only the chest. He punched and punched again. The rain splashed everytime he hitted the Alpha. “Let me go!”

“Takahi—” The Alpha grimaced, pushing his fist away from his body. Taka knew well how his punch only as hurt as a pup punch for a strong kind like this blond teen.

Even That Person pinned him so easily down the floor. That time he thought his wrists were going to break.

“Did—” Taka spat the rain entered his mouth. As much as he wanted to spit Yamashita Toru for what he did a week ago in the infirmary, he had saw someone worst. The ground became the victim. “Did the Alphas always like to force other?!” He stiffened his jaw. Knuckles pounded the Alpha's chest powerless.

“And why you don't want to listen?!” Yamashita yelled back.

Pissed, Taka turned to Yamashita's left leg, kicking it. “That's for inducing me your scent, Stupid!” And, he shoved the Alpha when the blond teen limped. He laughed seeing how the strongest one fell down on his ass. Should thank the rain, for making the side walk slippery and people opted to stay in a building or bus stop than walking in the heavy rain.

Thunder screamed.

“And, that's for shoving me out of the infirmary.” And, he chuckled, fearless toward the thing that before a year ago made him anxious. Bag's strap fell on his elbow. He took the bag off and slapped the puddles, releasing any emotions he still had in him. Anger, frustration, hatred...

...sadness...

... _fear_...

Taka fell into his knees. His aching legs had flew a white flag. Pain throbbed every sides of his body. Rain tasted weird in his bud. Salty. Bitter? Tasteless? “Fucking Mai...,” he murmured. It was her fault he stranded outside alone with disgusting person. And, with...how should he call you, Yamashita?

It was Mai's fault too he met them. If she never asked for toilet, they would never met again. They should never met, right? If Mai and him rode the previous train?

“You know what...my wrist hurt as fuck.”

Or destiny acted cruel again toward him. Like everything never enough.

“I'm sorry...”

Taka snickered, wiping rain from his face. ”Did you only knew ‘I'm sorry’ and ‘Are you okay?’. Don't have anything else to say?” Eyes pierced the blond Alpha with dislike.

The Alpha lowered his head. Wet blond strands all combed back, made it easy to see the same wounded look. Smile appeared. Faint. “I wish I could say another words to you.”

Taka hugged his bag. “Like?”

Than answering the Alpha stood. “Let's go home.” he said, approaching him and offering a hand to him.

Still sitting on the side walk, Takahiro stared at the Alpha. As if he mad the Alpha denied him an answer. “I could go home by myself.”

“Okay,” The Alpha shrugged. He fisted his hand he refused to reach. “Do you want to wait somewhere else? So if...if...” Yamashita shut his lips tight.

“If what?”

The Alpha closed his eyes. “Nothing.”

Taka clicked his tongue. Another question without an answer. He got too much being with the Alpha. “Fine.”

Yamashita nodded.

And then there were only screaming thunder and splattering rain. The last time he stayed under the rain was when Natsuya and him got a creative block. That time they were in the process of making an original song for the last school festival for Natsuya. The Alpha he adored would say, the rain will wash the cloudy brain. And then their creativity would pour down like a rain.

“Hey...” Taka stood up, grimacing when gravel throbbed his palm. Sound of rain hitting the side walk drowned his voice.

Yamashita focused on him. A frown appeared on his forehead. “What is it?”

Putting his bag pack, Taka squeezed its straps. He wanted to lower his head, but he stared into the Alpha's deep unconsciousness. That probably, those irises would eat his soul in whole after this. “Did you really hate your brother?”

The Alpha gaped. He heard nothing. The Alpha spoke nothing, only his eyes locked with his.

“Can I really believe in you?” Taka asked, every words spoken slow and soft.

Yamashita stepped closer. “I thought we had make a promise.”

“We did...”

“Then?”

Squeezing the straps tighter, Taka bit his under lip. “What will...” He chuckled. “What will you do if you love them?”

Blond strands fell back into fringes. The owner, he hoped, this time answered his question than leaving him with another unanswered one.

Taka flinched when the Alpha touched his cheek. He took a step backward as response, “I hate being touched...” Shaking his head, Taka turned his back. “It's okay, you don't need to answer it.” He wiped his face with his hand. “I'm going to call my mom...if you...if you...” _worried of That Person_.

Sounded funny.

“See you tomorrow...” And, he took his first step. Second. Third.

“I love him...”

He stopped.

“I love the Omega my brother raped.”

When he turned around, and saw the wounded stare, he had another question: _was it only rain that wetted Yamashita Toru's cheeks?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _next update : 6 January 2018._  
>   
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope I could make you like this chapter! ^_^ 
> 
> Happy New Year (☆^ー^☆) May your 2018 be blessed.


	14. THREE

 

 

 

 

“Takahiro?” Weary eyes stared in confusion, of course, when the owner saw her son arrived home drenched in rain—an unthinkable condition when he asked to be picked up over the phone. Even the driver who picked him was confused, perhaps more as he found Yamashita Toru beside him. The blond teen's scent thick despite the rain. This time, both of them wet, no longer only the Alpha hated by his classmates.

He smiled, forefinger scratching his non-itchy left cheek. “Should've asked Uchida-san to accompany me.”

Uchida-san, a driver worked for his grandma. The reason he joined two weeks ago than last month was because he had a hard time adjusting himself to be together in a car with a Beta male. Should be okay, his psychiatrist said. It would be okay, he said to his grandma when she offered a Beta female driver. Too bad said always known to be easier than doing.

A week without Yamashita gave him confidence, brought him cockiness, and in the end shoved him in a disaster. If, let's say, if, the driver accompanied Mai and him, would he met That Person? But this world was always unfair, right?

Towel soft on his cheeks, his mother's caress warmth in his chest. “The rain won't wait us,” Taka shrugged, and his eyes ran from his mom's eyes. He chuckled. “So yeah....” The towel dried his hair, “...we ran through the rain to the station. I think it'd be pain in the ass if I used the train...so I...I...” Taka lowered his head, the awkward laugh escaped his mouth. Awkward. He felt tired. He wanted to sleep. But, would he dream of them again?

“I see,” His mother smiled. Never once since that day a frown on her forehead disappeared everytime the dark irises reflected him in it. The warm palms on his cheeks pricked the corner of his eyes. It stung by something he knew if he released it, his mother would know what happened. Because there was no rain to hide.

_Your expressionless face within the rain screamed a lot. You were tired, hopeless, and weak. You were in pain, but nobody knows you were wounded._

_All of those adjectives he described you with, would never suit you._

_That was why nobody could see your pain._

“Go take a warm bath.” His mom tenderly caressed his arms as if she tried to lit a fire that had died inside his son. A gentle squeeze followed. “You had skipped school before, can't catch cold, right?” She ruffled his hair.

_And I was blinded by hatred._

_Hate. Hatred._

_A blinding and deafening bloodcurdled word._

Taka held his mom's hand, and kissed her palm he placed on his cheek after. “Am I going to get scolded if I skipped school again?” His smile grew, his chest hurt. He lied because he could, because human had the ability to lie. He acted alright.

They acted alright.

“Let's see.” His mother patted his cheek. “Maybe.” And together they shared a laugh, deep inside they knew this faint happiness could bring another sadness. They were in pain. Still in pain. Always in pain. A pain created by a person he introduced his parents as his best friend. A best person his mother once asked if he had a crush on him.

His smile disappeared. “Can I hug you?”

His mom's smile also disappeared, she hugged him tight, and he hugged her tighter, burying his face on her shoulder. A small and delicate shoulders weighed by him. Soap scent calmed him. His mother's scent. And he held his cry behind his ribs and in his throat. In silence they shared their unspoken pain. Maybe, well, maybe one day he would told his mom what had happened today. His lies. His feeling. His ached wrist, shoulders and legs.

And how he envied the Omega Yamashita Toru loved.

_The Omega who made an Alpha felt his pain._

 

•••

 

“We arrived.”

“'Kay, thanks,” Taka nodded at the driver, reaching for the car door and stopping before he even grabbed it. He pressed his lips together. Than staring at the car door, he stared at his hand. It trembled. _Shit_.

“Is there something wrong?”

Looking at the middle aged Beta, Taka shook his head. His forehead creased, “Y-You will wait in front of the gate before the school end, right?”

The driver nodded. “Fifteen minutes before your school end.”

“In front gate, okay. In here.” Taka pointed at the school gate they stopped in front of. “Don't wait at the alleyway anymore.”

“In front gate, not the alleyway,” the driver repeated.

“Don't be late.”

“I will not, Young Master.”

Taka took a deep breathe. “Thank you,” he opened the door, “see you later.” Walking out of the car, he closed the door and noticed several students eyed him. Reasonable when until today he asked for the car to stop in the corner of an alleyway, five minutes walking from here, because of those curious eyes. After yesterday, thanks, he wasn't going to risk anything.

He touched his slacks pocket and grabbed the familiar texture. “Everything will be okay, today.” Taking a deep breathe, he walked.

“Good morning, Sire,” he said to the teacher guarding the school gate.

Than the teacher, “Good morning,” a deep baritone greeted him back as he walked pass the gate.

Taka sighed. “We still aren't friend, you kno—” Almond shaped eyes widened, rounded. “What happened with your face?” He blinked.

“Got punched, you don't remem—” The Alpha sneezed. “Sow—” And coughed.

Taking a step backward, Taka clutched his bag straps. “Are you okay?” He frowned—jumped when the Alpha pierced him with his sleepy soul-eating eyes. It looked sleepier than usual, also less scary.

A brow raised, soul-eating irises gleaming of deviltry. “Am I looking okay for you?”

“Fuck you.” Taka long-legged strode toward the school building, leaving behind a sneezing and coughing Alpha. He bit his under lip and tightened his clutch, holding an urge to slap the Alpha with his bag. Thanks, for yesterday's rain!

He opened his shoes locker.

“Grumpy.” A baritone again disturbed him.

Taka narrowed his eyes, “Thanks.” He bent, intended on untying his shoelaces when his eyes fell on the Alpha's legs. “Why are you wearing sandals?”

“We ran in the rain, remember?” The Alpha sniffed, holding his sneeze.

“But—”

“Buy me shoes if you feel bad.” The Alpha replaced his sandals with the indoor shoes. Interesting how Yamashita passed the teacher guarding the gate while wearing sandals. He knew the blond teen was a delinquent, still...sandals, eh? How come he had no other shoes?

Furrowing his brows, Taka untied his shoelaces. “I'll buy you. Just tell me the price.” He placed his sneakers inside the locker and wore his indoor shoes after. “How much?”

Yamashita curved an annoying smile. “Oh, you feel bad?”

“So we can wear different shoes.” Taka slammed the locker door. “And I think t-that,” he stuttered, “that...” grunting, he shook his head. “The bruises, you had it only on your cheek.” He pointed to Yamashita's right, and, “But, why now you had it on your left cheekbone, on your lips and even your right ey—” He flinched the moment Yamashita grabbed his pointing finger, and pulled it from the Alpha's grasp.

_Something wasn't right_

The fought happened fast yesterday, That Person might returned one or two punches, but never bombarded Yamashita to make the Alpha bruised bad. He saw Yamashita's face close enough. He remembered well the nostalgic bruise contrasted the Alpha's fair skin.

“Glad to see you are okay.”

He noticed it, the swollen knuckles.

The thin smile on the Alpha's tired face assured him of nothing. It felt weird. The smile. Wounded stare focused on God knows what Yamashita searched inside his bag. “Give me your hand,” The Alpha said.

“What?” Taka darted the teen a confused stare. “Why should I?”

Yamashita heaved a long sigh. “Nothing bad,” he drew something from his bag. “Here,” he said, offering it to him.

“Sandwich?” Frowning, Takahiro switched his attention toward the thing on the Alpha's held. “Why?”

“Fruit sandwich,” Yamashita smiled, “it filled with sliced strawberry and cream, guess it will taste like a shortcake. Take it.”

“I don't ask that.”

The Alpha shrugged. “For your handkerchief.”

“That, oi!” Taka frowned deeper as the Alpha forced him to accept the sandwich. Before he could said or do anything the blond teen stepped away and turned his back against him.

The teen stopped, “You can throw it away,” and waved his hand as he continue sauntering on the corridor, skipping the stairs for the backyard.

“What the fuck?” Taka murmured, shifting his glance between the fruit sandwich and the disappearing back.

Yamashita gone. He knew the same desk would be lonely today, again, even though a week had passed the owner didn't bother to greet nor check on it. Yet, it had been always alone on the corner of the classroom. Forgotten. Today, for the second time he thought to himself, about how lonely the desk was? Was it missed the owner? Or it too, had forgotten the existence of its owner.

Or was it his fault? For making the owner leaving the lonely desk and forgetting it?

One day the owner had came back, and gave him a pink boxed snack he had forgotten. Where it went in that chaos, he didn't know. He didn't bother to know, like how he didn't care of the lonely desk, happy when the owner gone for a week, getting cocky. Yesterday could be the revenge from the lonely desk.

Taka lowered his head, chuckling as he looked at the empty desk before he shifted his focus at the sandwich in his held. He sniffed its package, sour and sweet immersed in his sense. All right, he would eat it for lunch. Should say thanks to the Alpha later. Or because he gave it as a return for his handkerchief, probably he don't need to.

“Taka!”

He placed the sandwich inside his bag. “Back at the usual day,” he sighed and looked at the class door.

“Taka! Taka! Taka! Taka!”

The Alpha-like Beta hugged him tight, trying to break every of his bones as she squeezed it. “I can...t...” Taka pushed her shoulders with all the power he had. Useless, this Beta woman ate too much and she joined a martial art named something club in this school. She told him three or four days ago after offered him a school club's tour. Whenever he ready. “Can't...bre...athe...”

“Taka! Taka! You don't know how worried I am! You don't know!” she yelled and tightened her hug. He swore he could hear his bones breaking this time. “I texted you until my thumbs red! I called you a lot—lot of times! Searched for you everywhere!” she sobbed and released her hug.

Taka exhaled as much oxygen as he could for his screaming lungs. “O...kay...” He grunted as the girl squeezed his shoulders and shook him hard. He felt like his eyeballs could jump from its sockets.

Mai stared into his deep consciousness, her eyes gleamed and wet, almost teared up. “I thought you got kidnapped y'know! I even told the station's securities you got kidnapped, I went to the information, and begged them to call your name. I went home after my parents fetched me from the station,” tears in the end overflowed from her tear ducts, she wiped it with her arm. Red spread from her eyes and nose. Her cheeks blushed not because of embarrassment. “It was ten, I searched for you until that late. And here you are!”

“I—” Taka swallowed a lump of saliva. His throat dried.

She chuckled. “I can't even sleep last night, y'know.” And once again wiped her eyes. “You really really should give me your house's phone number, your parent's number, anything, you always made me worry...”

“Uh...I...” Looking around, several students had their sight on them. Full of curiousity, like dogs stared at what their owner ate, and waited for anyone to explain of what happened before their eyes. Annoying.

Taka blew a long sigh and wiped the tears from Mai's eyes with his thumbs. “I am sorry.” He lowered his head. His chest full, caused by something else than guilt.

Mai cupped his cheeks and brought his face up. A smile appeared on her face as she caressed his cheeks, the way she stared at him full of relieve. “I can't afford to see my friend hurts again...” She hid her face on her palm, sobbing and roughly wiped all the sadness from her face. Her smile grew wider. “But, thank goodness...” She hugged him tight, this time she allowed him to breathe. “Glad to see you are okay, Taka.”

Yamashita said the same thing.

Everyone glad seeing him okay, he glad to hear that. _Really_.

Takahiro raised his hands although he stopped midway to glance at the lonely desk. He closed his eyes, hugging back the girl suffocating him with her embrace. “Yeah.”

And his mind flew back to Yamashita Toru. The thought suffocated him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! 
> 
> What do you think of this chapter :") ? Did you noticed some familiar sentences in this chapter? And did you realize how toruka economically are? XD 
> 
> Feel free to comment! Don't worry about being a guest because you can comment without an account or me seeing your e-mail. (≧∇≦)/
> 
>  
> 
> See you on next Saturday. I update every 10-11 p.m (will be later when my internet worsen...)
> 
> Next we'll see more about Toru ヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ﾉ


	15. Chapter 15

 

 

 

 

Not bad.

Taka chewed the sandwich as he listened to Mai the task he should do for their History's homework. The sourness from the strawberry mixed well with the cream's sweetness. Tasted like a shortcake, indeed.

The school break had started around five minutes ago, and the blond Alpha, of course, skipped the class. “Is it always like this?” He licked the cream left on his bottom lip. Putting down the half-eaten sandwich, he returned a stare at the confused Mai. “Yamashita.”

Mai shrugged, “Why asking?”, and she continued gobbling up her homemade lunch. A simple one, with half charred karaage and almost brown than bright yellow tamagoyaki. That was a bad looking homemade lunch, only the rice with seaweed sheet and the vegetables looked pretty, but everyone started everything as a beginner, right? That if she cooked those.

“Are you learning how to cook?” Taka took a karaage, the burnt quite bad at one side, safe on another side. “Next time use low-temperature to cook this.” He took a small bite, as expected, burnt taste dominated his bud. Bitter. And, he hardly found a savory taste from the bite size fried chicken.

Mai waved her chopstick, “It will took longer to cook it.”

“You can cook it earlier then,” Taka ripped the karaage in half, “if not the outside will be burnt like this, and I bet the inside still frozen when you took it out.” He pressed his thumbs on the watery center. “Good thing it's a processed food, if you made it from scratch, the inside will still bleed.”

Totally what happened when Natsuya made him a fried chicken that the teen said would be better than McDonald's or KFC's. After he took his first bite of the thigh, blood colored his lips and his white uniform shirt. He didn't even need to explain how bad the teen cooked the chicken. Good thing he was spared from getting salmonella. His fault for being too easy to believe on everything the teen said and did, he could rip it first than immediately taking a bite. He was stupid. If he wasn't that night would never happen. He would never lose his best friend.

If he wasn't, he would never be here today after yesterday.

“It tasted weird.” The taste came from watery and oily meat, add the burnt for more weird flavour. Worst after he ate the fruit sandwich. Felt like he just got kicked out from heaven to taste hell. The best metaphor for everything Natsuya said and did.

“Then, don't eat it!” Mai pursed her lips, and took the uneaten half of the karaage from him. She ate it in one bite before she gobbled what left in her lunch box fast. She ate as though she hadn't eat for three days. The usual way she ate. Sometimes he wondered why she could be this free, couldn't care less of what other people thought of her, and maybe at the way the make-up girl stared at her.

Being an Omega, there were too many things he restricted and burdened on. From the way he speak, walk, and even eat—never speak too loud, never eat too fast, use the formal way of speaking while at home, and as an Omega he should understand how to do houseworks. A reason why every day he woke up early. Why he helped his grandma and the workers every morning to wash clothes and prepare breakfast. These might had change as a way for him coping, however he had done everything since he was an eight years old. His mom supervised him to be a good Omega with a good family background.

If his dad and or grandma knew he joined a band than a choir club, he would be scolded. Forced to stop meeting Natsuya and the others. That was why he lied. He said Natsuya was an instrument player in the choir club. He said he never got chosen, so his parents, and his grandparents didn't need to waste their time to come to the school festival. Good thing, they were busy person. He lied. He lied a lot like yesterday even before.

That night he lied too.

And, he got his punishment.

Taka leaned his back on the chair. Peering around, he found only seven students included Mai and him inside the class. The girls Mai closed with nowhere to be seen. The class representative as usual stayed in his seat, reading a book as thick as his glasses and eating his lunch. He said to him last week, kare bread was his favorite, guessed it, he ate that bread every single day. But, his attention in the end fell on the tough teen. His orange hair stood out, despite the owner hid his face in his folded hands on the desk. Even sleeping the tough Beta looked threatening. Must be the reason why the History teacher acted blind at the fact the Beta slept during the old man's class.

“Just wondering...” Taka whispered, enough to be heard by Mai.

“About my cooking?” A pissed tone answered him. Mai clicked her tongue.

Taka reached the half-eaten sandwich. The sandwich had quite a lot of filling, with big strawberries and cream. “Yamashita.” He bit the sandwich, replacing the oily flavour with sweet and sour.

“Just think about Ishida Mitsunari.” Mai snorted. She took her bag and put the closed lunch box inside. “And don't forget to send me your part on time. Or I will execute you and display your head in front of everyone in the school.” The Beta girl pierced him with her sharp stare. She grinned after.

“It was his brother who did it.” Using his knuckles, Taka wiped the cream from his lips. “Why did you hate him?” The sourness strong in his sense. His sentence sounded funny for his ears, he was sure he questioned himself too.

Mai brought herself forward, hands folded on the desk, and her fingers intertwined. Without fear, she fixated at him. “Sooner or later he'll do the same thing, Taka.”

“How would you know?”

How would he knew, Yamashita would never do what his brother did? Only because the one his brother raped was an Omega he loved.

Mai bared her teeth. Fist clenched, squeezing tight a part of her red bag. The redness on her cheeks pale compared to the bag. This time, no tears fell from her tearducts. “I know, Taka. I know,” she said.

“Then, how?” Taka finished the fruit sandwich. The sweetness gone fast the moment he washed his mouth with mineral water, and he bit the wrong part of the strawberry perhaps, bitterness spread on his tongue. Or maybe it was because how bitter Mai stared at him. He placed the bottled water back on to his desk, and squeezed the plastic in his hand. “Tell me, Mai. Tell me why should I hate him?” Like everyone in this classroom, if the story had been heard outside, then it included whoever they were.

If those Beta girls he heard talking enthusiastically about the blond Alpha knew, would they think the same way? Would they hate the Alpha they adored?

_Would you still hate him, Takahiro?_

Don't hate Toru, that fucking School Doctor said. How come that guy believed in Yamashita? With that kind of background? Only because Yamashita was his student? Or what?

“Taka...” Thin fingers enveloped his fists. Their gazes met. A hopeful stare against his questioning stare. “If I tell you, will you believe in me?”

If he believed Yamashita, how much possibility he had to be betrayed?

“I don't know.” Taka stood up.

Why do everyone kept asking him to believe them?

Heavy chuckles escaped his mouth. “I had been betrayed, how come I believe someone else?” Looking into Mai's eyes, he sought for nothing. Not even something he could believe from her.

“What do you mean?” Confused, Mai knitted her brows. She released his fists.

Taka shook his head. “Forget it.” He took a deep breathe, waving the sandwich's plastic. “I'll throw this.”

Mai's lips trembled, but she pressed it against each other. Shut her mouth for God knows what she wanted to say. “All right...” The sentence had replaced it.

“We'll talk about the task again,” Taka said before he plodded toward the trash can. Throwing the plastic, he noticed the tough Beta had no longer sleeping.

The Beta yawned, stretching his body, and their eyes met. A crooked smile greeted him. He raised his fist, giving the Beta his middle finger. Something that brought him a wide grin. Within the grin he saw the toothless space. A prove of how powerful Yamashita Toru was. Too bad that blond Alpha couldn't do the same thing to _That Person_.

“Ah, Morita, wait there.” The Beta rose from his seat and marched toward him. Other students shifted their attention from what had it before to the rough Beta. Obviously everyone remembered of what happened before. The chaos that victimized the rough Beta's teeth.

“Andou!” Mai yelled. She did too had left her seat, ready to stop any movement their classmate might do.

The Beta stretched his hand, gesturing Mai so she sits back—or at least, stop disturbing him for what he wanted to do. “Boys' business,” the rough voice said, smile appeared on his face.

Refusing to accept what the Beta told her, she approached Andou. Her hands grabbed the rough Beta's shirt collar. “Tell me what's this boys' business, then?” She tightened her grip.

Andou answered by grabbed her wrists. “Why are you always like this Mai?” The Beta grinned. “Are you his mother or what?” He raised an eyebrow, bringing his face forward, his face almost met the girl's. “Or, I wonder if he remind you of someone?”

Mai bit her lips. Overpowered by the rough Beta, she flinched, holding pain in her grimace. She kicked the Beta and no one bothered to help her, but to watch what was happened.

“Andou! Stop it!” Taka lurched forward, pushing the rough Beta away from her. His power was nothing, he knew, but should be enough to avert his attention toward him. He positioned himself between Andou and Mai. “What do you want?” he said as he stood face to face with the tough Beta. His tone hard like his hardened jaw.

“Taka?” Mai frowned.

“Let him be.” Pushing the girl away, Taka assured her with a nod.

“But—”

“Please.” At least, this one enough, and made her steps backward. He could see she clenched her fist. The reason however was unclear. He never knew whether her anger caused by how she tried protecting him from Andou, or for what Andou said. About this someone.

Taka shifted his focus back on the rough Beta. “I'm not Yamashita, but I can make you lose your teeth,” he said caustically.

A long sigh escaped the Beta's mouth. Andou smiled his little contemptuous smile, placing his left hand on his shoulder. “Don't be so harsh, Morita.”

Taka slapped the Beta's hand off his shoulder. “Just tell it already, what's your business with me?” he scowled.

Looking defeated, the Beta raised both of his hand. He nodded toward the door, slipping his hand inside his slacks pocket. “Can't tell you here.” With that Andou sauntered out of the classroom.

“What?” Taka creased his forehead.

“Taka,” Mai murmured. Her fingers squeezed his left shoulder. Something wasn't right, maybe she thought like what he thought when he saw the blond Alpha's new bruises.

Don't tell him...

Glancing at the girl, Taka patted Mai's hand. “It's okay.” Perhaps it wouldn't. His heart beat fast behind his ribs, worry embraced him, but he had met the scariest thing in his life. When he counted the heavy breaths and the slick sounds, and in the end he forgot how much had he counted. Yesterday he forgot the counts of the shoulders he bumped on too.

Taka jogged leaving the classroom, following the rough Beta. If someone asked him, why he did it? His answer would be; because I'm curious.

Like that night.


	16. Chapter 16

 

 

 

 

Cautious he trailed the corridor two steps behind the tough Beta. His expression stiff, his forehead creased, and he fisted his hands, ready to land both on the Beta if he did anything he dislike. Several possibilities followed by ‘why?’ echoed in his head. What did this guy wanted to tell him? Why? Did he wanted to do something to him? Why? Was it because the incident of two weeks ago? Then, why? Yamashita was the one who took the Beta's teeth, not him. Why he wanted to tell him something?

Taka stopped the moment the tough Beta named Andou stopped in front of the staircase. “What?” He glowered enough to make the smiling tough Beta chortled.

“Roof,” Andou motioned his head upstairs before he lead the way.

Taking a deep breathe, Taka closed his eyes, ensuring himself everything would be all right. With his eyes opened, he trotted behind Andou. He took the stair one by one until sunlight greeted him after Andou opened the door. Squeezing his eyes, he entered the rooftop and slammed the door closed.

“Hot...” Taka mumbled as he peered around. Not too much students stayed in the rooftop. He could only see three other students busy with their lunch in the corner of the rooftop, seeking shelter behind the storage room. In this heat, no wonder few people wanted to be under the sun that looked ready to burn anyone. If he lingered too long, he would end up crispy.

Crispy Taka sounded funny.

And probably the blond Alpha didn't like being crisped as he fought another Alpha, that was why the rooftop looked safe, of course if the Alpha did fought someone.

“Then,” he slipped his hands inside his slacks pocket, and leaned his left shoulder on the wire fence, “what's your boys business with me?”

A low cackle escaped the rough Beta mouth. “Not a guy with patience, are you?” As he grinned the hollow space in the corner of his mouth showed up. Felt weird to see the emptiness. Somehow he could even see the Beta's tongue from the gap.

“For you?” Taka scoffed. “Of course not.”

“My pleasure.” Andou smirked, folding his hands on his chest and leaning his back against the wire fence. Two steps distanced the rough Beta and him. No matter how much he wanted to take another step back, he stood still, unwilling in showing any weakness.

“Just tell me already.” Taka raised his tone.

The rough Beta lifted his hands above his head, gestured a surrender. “All right, all right.” He folded his hands once again and faced him. “What's your relationship with Yamashita?” he asked, narrowing a pair of hooded eyes. His dark stare starved for answer.

Taka winced, “Huh?”

Andou heaved a sigh. He bent closer, forced him to take a step backward, showing his weakness. “Tell me what's your relationship with Yamashita Toru?” The Beta asked in a low threatening voice.

Takahiro tightened his lips. “Just like us,” he answered.

Confused, the rough Beta raised a brow.

“Classmates,” he said without hesitation.

Andou groaned and lowered his head. Taking a deep breathe, the orange haired delinquent huffed. “Classmates, eh?” Low chuckles echoed in his ear caves, telling him of how unamused the Beta with his answer.

“Classmate,” Taka repeated with the same tone. That was the truth, there wasn't any relationship between the Alpha and him. He told the school doctor the same thing, then what do this guy wanted from him. “Did you expecting something else happens between us?” He frowned.

“Well,” Ando kicked the cement floor with his left foot. ”Being hospitalized made me think a lot, Morita,” he said, looking up at him. “My brain going super active, and I started making speculations until my brain hurts.” The rough Beta shrugged.

Taka's expression hardened. Inside his slacks pocket his right fingers squeezed tight the surpressant tube, and his left fingers moved uncomfortably, palms wet by sweat. And, he noticed sweat dropped from his right temple, trailing his cheek. “Speak clearly,” he said in toneless voice, left hand brushed his cheek.

Andou leaned forward. “Why did Yamashita bring something to you?” he asked in a gruff voice, a way to threaten him and forced him to answer.

“What?” Taka held his breathe. His instinct told him to create a distance between them as far as possible. To run. Despite the absent scent from a Beta helped him to stay still in his place, acting unbothered by the way the Beta threatened him, however, as a weaker secondary sex, even Beta could be a harm for them.

Taking a step forward, Andou tried closing their distance. Two, one, a chill ran down his spine, Taka swallowed hard. The tip of Andou's pointy nose almost touching his forehead, that was why his legs started shaking, but he fought hard the need to run. He couldn't run. Beta was nothing for him. His right hand's fingers grabbed the wire fence, seeking a support for his shaken bravery.

“You are too close,” Taka gnashed his teeth, left hand pushed the Beta's chest. Anger glowed in his eyes. He didn't have the stronger's scent. He presented as the weakest among three secondary sex. All right. But he would never let anyone made fun of him, no matter how big the differences in their scent, in their physical appearance. “I'll make sure you lose another tooth,” his voice came out hard. Narrowing his eyes, he yanked the Beta's shirt collar. “Don't try me, Andou.”

“Oh, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, Morita,” The rough and tough Beta snickered, looking unfazed, and worst, it could be this guy not at all consider his warn as a warn. Shit. “I wonder what you can do with your,” Andou raised a brow, “small fist,” shifting his stare to him, the Beta grabbed his wrist.

Taka flinched. Hastily he yanked his wrist free from the Beta's grip. “Just tell me what do you want from me?” he said between his gritted teeth. “I don't much time to spend with you.”

Andou sighed, and straightened his back. “I already told ya.” The Beta's knuckle touched the hollow corner from his teeth. He lowered his hand, cold stare pierced him. “What's your relationship with Yamashita?”

His forehead creased. Taka opened his mouth, “Classmate. I have told you, are you deaf or stupid?” He snorted.

“Why he brought you sweets?” The tough Beta asked accusingly. “You must be still remember two weeks ago. And then,” he sneered, “today, in front of the shoe locker.”

“What...?” Taka took a step backward with the Beta came closer to him until their shoes touched. The surrounding air became heavy, ready to suffocate him anytime. Slowly the heavy air snatched away his composure. He couldn't let it. He tightened his grip on the wire fence, it was hurt, the wire on his skin.

Andou chuckled. “He never do that to anyone. Even I surprised when I knew that.” The Beta leaned his shoulder on the fence.

“Then, you thought we have a special relationship?” Taka raised a brow, and shook his head in disbelief. “Jumping into a conclusion fast, aren't you?” Like there were any special meaning for the sweets Yamashita gave him other than a need to pay the handkerchief he lend the Alpha. God dammit. Next time he would refuse anything that fucking Blondie gives him. Just bring him a trouble, didn't it? He already had too much of it, another one? No, thank you.

“Who knows?”

“Those sweets mean nothing.” And who was this person who saw them?

Andou smirked and took another step closer. This time he couldn't run. The tough Beta grabbed his arm, forced him staying at his place. “And when he immediately bridal carry you when you fainted? As if you are his princess or something.”

Taka grunted as he trying to free his arm. “Fuc—” Even with Beta did they had big differences in strength? “What the fuck are you talking about?” He tried to break loose, no matter how much strength he had, he couldn't do it. The Beta instead tightened his grip. He grimaced as pain slithered in his arm. Looking at the tough Beta, he saw a proud smile plastered on the Beta's face.

“In the hospital I thought about this good surprise they told me as a wake up gift.” Andou took a deep breathe as he sniffed his wrist.

Taka's eyes widened. “Wha—” He grabbed the Beta's shirt collar. His palm ached from gripping the wire fence too tight. “Fucker! Let me go!” Again, he tried to free his arm. But, the Beta drew him closer, the powerful yank made him almost fell on to the Beta's body.

“What are you—!” he yelled in his taut voice. His right palm against the Beta's chest, pushed it as strong as he could. But he couldn't, the only thing he was able to do was to feel the Beta's breathe on his neck. The closer the Beta felt, the harder he pushed the Beta and yanked his arm. He breathed faster, like his heart thumped his chest.

“Thinking of several possibilities, and being denial of it, were all I did,” The Beta whispered. “Like, why did Yamashita brought you a sweet when in all three years, I never saw him did it. Or, why he carried a Beta like a princess?”

In the end, he successfully pushed the Beta away from him. Taka shut his lips together. His fists shaken as he glared at the tough Beta, madness had colored his face. He felt a vein popped out in his neck.

“Especially when he made you scared on the first day.” Andou took one step backward. Orange hair blinded under the burning sunlight. He had saw his chaos yesterday and this tough guy was nothing for him, even for every kind of disaster this Beta would brought him. The fact he opted to continue his life after he met That Person, should be a reason for him to stay strong against the Beta. “That day was funny.” The Beta scoffed.

_Bring it on! All the disaster you want to give him, he won't be afraid._

“Then, what do you want from me?” Taka creased his forehead deeper. He felt dizzy. The heat made the pain in him ached. In his head, his chest, his left arm and palms and fingers and everything.

The Beta shook his head. “I already got what I need from you,” his gruff voice answered. “The denial in me had gone, thank you.” He bowed his head as if he was a person full of honor.

Confusion spoke louder from Taka's stare than his mouth. His fist weakened. Without any word escaped, only his mouth gaped. He was left dumbstruck.

“Later.” The Beta clicked his heels.

“Wait!” Taka frowned, facing his classmate. “What the hell actually happened here? Are you playing with me?” He really didn't understand, for everything that happened in the class and Yamashita, or anything the Beta said. Everything were mysteries he didn't know how to unveil.

“You don't have a scent.”

Taka lifted a brow. Instinctively he sniffed his wrist. Any scent void from his skin but a soap scent. “Of course.” _Because he was a Beta._

Andou smiled, no, he drew a small grin on his face, eyes gleamed full of satisfaction. “Yes, of course.” The Beta nodded.

Taking a step forward, Taka's expression stiffened. “Listen, I don't have any relationship with Yamashita.” He swallowed, wetting his dry throat. “Don't bring me into your problem.”

“We aren't interested in you really.” Andou sighed. “Only in Yamashita Toru.”

“Then?” Unpleasant feeling crawled in him, reaching for his chest, but his brain understood nothing of this feeling.

The answer he got? Only an unnerving smile. The stare observed him, and the chuckle came from the Beta's mouth, everything added another unpleasant feeling. Question stacked in his head, that he had no longer space. All he could do was to not bothering with what happened. But he couldn't. He couldn't not feel bothered. He couldn't continue without an answer to lot of questions in his head.

“We'll always keep an eye on Yamashita, so make sure you don't come too close to him.” The Beta waved his hand, walking away. Left him behind with too much of curiosities.


	17. Chapter 17

 

 

 

 

Problems after problems haunted him. Unanswered questions pilled up and ready to fall on and bury him six feet under. What fault did he had done that the world acted against him? No matter how much he asked himself, no matter how many nights he had been through without a sleep, he could never find the answer. All he knew were only what happened, where, when, how, and who did it, but never why. Even a tangled line he once drew in his biology's note hardly described the mess in his head.

Three days ago he met that person again, and he had forgotten the alleyway he would usually take. Who knows he could get used with the thousand meanings stares other students gave him real fast? All he needed was believing he looked cool than like a clown, despite he felt like the latter. But, believe him, all those questioning or mocking or envying or curious stares were much better than the stares the white uniformed people gave him. As if he needed to be reminded over and over of how much a weakling was him.

“Shit.” Taka placed his face on his palms, grunting as he rubbed his face hard and fast. Up and down. Up and down. Hurt. Itch and pain spread all over his face. Not lying, he wanted to scream, or maybe run outside the class through the corridor. He wanted to go home and sleep. He wanted to think of nothing. But he couldn't. The thoughts wouldn't left him alone. He needs to think. He needs to think. He didn't want to.

Brushing his curl hair back, he linked his fingers on his neck. Dark irises shifted its focus from the clean pages of his notebook toward the empty desk. Automatically his eyes wandered toward an orange haired Beta male. Funny how his seat almost trapped between the catastrophic Alpha and the brute Beta. Between blond and orange. If only the Alpha wasn't sat in the loneliness row with no other desk to his right. So funny. He could laugh.

He didn't.

Because he couldn't.

Mouth glued tight the moment their eyes met. His against the Beta who warned him two days ago. And, a crooked grin grew wider, mocking him—or maybe should he say, taunting him. What for? The warn. The taunt. What was the brute Beta seek from him? He had no relationship with Yamashita Toru and he spoke the truth. Whether Andou would believe him or not, as long as he didn't bother him, he couldn't care less.

 _But_ —

“Mr. Morita.”

“Yes?”

“Read the next paragraph please.”

“Next paragraph?” — _the world never works as how we wanted, right?_

If not, the teacher should've had asked the other students and not him. The class would then laugh at other students and not him. Why were everything always ended up with him? From all people in this world, why it chose to be cruel on him?

No matter how much pages of his textbook he flipped, he found only the page he needed to read. Word by word came out from his mouth, sentences by sentences, and he started the next paragraph. Emotions void from the way he read. He was only a doll that could talk, his best friend once said.

Taka stopped after the teacher asked him to. Sitting back on his seat, he glanced at the blond Alpha's desk. Who would have guessed it? That suddenly the school life he imagined was going to be normal ended up centered with one Alpha. A being he should make a distance from. As if they were connected by a thread on their ring fingers.

Time passed with paragraphs by paragraphs came from one by one students' replaced with the sound of ringing bell. The high tones resembled Mai's voice, hurting his ears. Just when he thought of the girl, without wasting a second after they greeted the teacher a goodbye, she already stood beside his desk. Her arms on top of it. Face painted with a bright expression perfected with a wide smile and her eyes gleamed in a relieve.

“Finally the class is over,“ she said.

Taka closed his textbook and left it under his desk. “Yeah,” his voice sounded exhausted.

“I almost fell a sleep, I don't even know what you guys were reading.” A long sigh of relief flew out of her mouth. “Thank goodness the bell rang before my cheek fall on the table.” She straightened her back. Intertwining her fingers, she stretched up. “Why do Japanese literature class should be that boring...” She yawned.

He did too. Couldn't help it.

This feeling, school should be like this, right? One year had passed, yeah, but it was hard to forget how school was like. The same boredom. The excitement he barely felt in his own class, perhaps a little, since for him everyone in his previous class were only classmates than friend. He found it within the band club. The fire inside him burned up. When instruments or microphone out from their grasps, they would spend the time to talk about everything. From a nonsense to something full of promises and excitement, like making songs or thinking to perform outside the school. When they talked about it, Natsuya would raise his fist.

_That teen was brighter than the sun shined upon them. Stunning._

“Anyway!” Mai slammed the table. Her eyes full of curiosity, staring deep into his eyes, “When will we go check the club? I thought we were going to check it on Monday, but—” she shrugged.

Yeah, but then he changed his mind. He opted staying in the canteen until the bell reminded them the class started again. Eyes tried hard finding a person that should be contrasted the dark haired students. Don't ask him why he did it. If there was anyone to blame, it would be that rude Beta who had left his desk without him noticing.

Curiosity made human human, didn't it?

Taka lifted his face towards Mai. “Yeah,” a sigh escaped his mouth, “don't really feel it.” He had other priorities than signing for club. “And, after school you were busy too.”

“The Summer tournament is closing.” Mai nodded.

Taka smiled. “Good luck.” The enthusiasm of having a club made him missed old times. Made him missed the warmth in his chest. In his everlasting Winter, however, it had gone. The fire in him had died as Winter froze his heart.

“Thank you.”

For a moment they fell into silent. Finding no word, he shut his lips tight. Eyes wandered around the classroom, everyone was busy with their own business, either talking or eating, even glueing their eyes to their smartphone or again books like their class representative. The new couple from last week sat at the front most seat beside the door, close to each other. Shoulder grazed into each other. Sharing body heat, Natsuya once told him.

If they did become a boyfriend, would they act like that too?

Laughing in his head, Taka bit his under lip. Fingers grabbed his slacks pocket. The familiar texture once again suppressed not only his scent, but also his overflowed feeling. What feeling? He couldn't describe it. Perhaps sadness, or, or just something with more despair than sadness. With more pain. With more emptiness.

“Hei, Taka.”

“What?”

“Are you still not going to tell me what was Andou told you?” Mai's voice deepened with a seriousness. Somehow being serious had zero suitability with Suzuhira Mai. Weird. As weird as when she kept pressed him since he went back from his talk with Andou. That fucking shit, if he wanted his sleeping time decreased even more, then congratulations, he did successful.

Taka placed his face on his palms, rubbing it strong and harsh. Both hands limped on his thighs. His eyes focused on Mai's hard expression, her brows almost met, and forehead wrinkled. “It's boys' business.”

“Wha—”

“Be an Alpha or a boy, I'll tell you by then.” Taka waved his left hand.

Mai grunted. “What do you mean by that, Taka?” Again, she slammed his desk. Poor desk. When Yamashita's desk got left behind, his desk got abused by strong powers of brute female Beta. “You know! I'm worried about you, really, but look at you, always acting cold toward me. I'm hurt.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Taka fished his wallet from his other slacks pocket. Opening it, he took a thousand yen and a fifth hundred yen. “Buy me the usual steak.”

“Huh?” The Beta girl raised her brow. Confused she stared at the money he handed her.

Taka sighed. “The steak,” he reached the girl's right hand with his left, and placed the money on her palm, “buy me, buy us, look I'm so kind to you.”

“Eh? W-what?” Mai blinked.

Standing from his seat, “Just go buy us the usual steak.”, Taka pushed the girl away and wagged his right hand, driving away the hesitant Mai. “Remember, free steak.” Though after he said it, she darted him with a look, and shifted her gaze at the money on her palm.

“Fine!” she yelled, before she left.

Good.

Takahiro took a deep breathe. Mai's back disappeared behind the wall, reminded him of the fucking blond Alpha in the first day. He wondered why Andou told him that? When he asked the brute Beta once again and after, he only threw him a smile and back busying himself with anything he did when he asked.

He brushed his curl hair back with his fingers. Noticing someone stared at him, his attention fell on the girl with bright glossy pink lipstick. Pink lips stretched into a curve.

“You two became so close so fast,” the make-up girl named Nana said, followed by a grin.

“Yeah.”

•

In front of the nostalgic infirmary door his steps stopped. Taka reached his hand out, though before he opened it the door had slid open. “Ya-Yamashita?” He frowned, staring at the tall teenager his eyes and thought searched since his talk with Andou. Squinting his eyes, he swallowed back a lump of saliva, pulling out his hand. “Lucky.”

Yamashita snickered. “So, now it's a luck to meet me?” Soul-eating irises looked darker and empty than the usual. Bedroom eyes drooped, as if the owner had a hard time to make it stayed open. “Shi—” the Alpha turned around with familiar handkerchief in his grasp, and covered half of the Alpha's face when he...

...sneezed.

“... Is that my handkerchief...?” Taka pressed his lips together. All right, was that how the Alpha used the handkerchief he donated? After for blood now for muscus. Everything that came out from the Alpha's nose. “Urgh...,” he muttered when the Alpha sneezed again.

He cleared his throat, and frown still knitted his brows together. “I thought an Alpha is strong? Looks like I'm stronger than you.” Or maybe luckier. After all that happened, he survived cold despite went home drenched. His grandma's hot ginger tea was the real best.

Yamashita shrugged. Wiping his nose, the Alpha face him once again. “Yeah of course, if I'm not staying for more 4 hours aft—”

Taka took a step back.

“Sorry,” said a hoarse baritone. The owner pinched his nose bridge. “Seems it getting worst.” Yamashita peered behind him, another familiar stood there with his surprised look.

Of course, surprising, eh? What if he came here because he was sick like this poor Alpha? Non-stop sneezing.

Taka peeked behind the Alpha, “You should tell him to rest.”

“Well...I had told him to rest...” The school doctor grimaced. Raising his hand, he scratched the back of his neck. “But he—”

“I want to,” Yamashita cutted short their teacher. Taking steps outside, the Alpha forced him took another step back. “If I could.” This time he coughed, and exhaled heavy breath. “Fuck.”

He bet the Alpha could faint anytime. Looking at the Alpha's condition, Taka considered whether or not he should told the Alpha about his conversation with Andou. That was why he tried finding him yesterday, despite only peered around where he was at. Thought, he would be lucky.

“Are you sure you are going to be okay?” The worried question came from the school doctor's mouth and not him. Sometimes he noticed the doctor glanced at him as he focused himself on the sick Alpha.

Taka clicked his tongue.

“I'll just sleep on the roof.” Yamashita waved his hand at the doctor. “Ryota is buying me lunch. Will take the med after.”

He bet, he needed to wait for another chance. Since it seemed hard talking with sick person.

Kanki-sensei, the doctor, closed his eyes. “Alright, then. Get back here if you are getting worst.” Worried stare locked onto the Alpha's pale face. Folding his hands on his chest, the teacher showed his concern and authority to them, to the Alpha.

Yamashita nodded. “Yeah,” averting his gaze toward him, the Alpha smiled, “Hope the sandwich was good.”

Taka returned the gaze. “It was.”

Coughing, the Alpha shook his head, wiping his face with his palm. “Well,” their eyes again met. “See you later.” All that reflected on his eyes was the Alpha's back, that vanished as the Alpha took a right turn toward the staircase.

Hopefully, his decision for telling the Alpha about Andou's words next time, wasn't going to stab him. Then, again he had another business, his reason for coming down here.

“Hei,” Taka broke the silence.

In surprise the school doctor stared at him. “Y-yes?” Did what happened to them back then made this person awkward? Those hair, this time the doctor let it fall down, eh? “Is there something you need? From me?”

He gave a nod as an answer. For this he had nothing to be hesitated on. He might be had no answer from the Alpha yet, but he had the doctor here. The doctor who told him to not hating Toru.

Taka took a deep breathe. “You want me to not hating Toru, right?”

The doctor's eyes widened. “W-Well...” His confused expression grew even more awkward. He had nothing to hesitate on this guy, but this guy had it. “Yeah...” A pause lingered between them. Between the doctor's own words. “Yeah, I do.” And those gentle stare had him in its reflection, trying to read him. To understand him.

He did too, want to understand. That was why—“Please tell me about Toru,” Taka said, entering the infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for waiting after last week had no update. And, also thank you for reading! Hope I can make you like it! :")


	18. Chapter 18

 

 

 

 

No nostalgia greeted him with open hand and warm smile as he stepped inside the infirmary. And, if he remembered the last time he came to this place for telling how he hated Yamashita Toru, of course only an awkward smile that would be plastered on the school doctor's face.

“Don't give me that face,” Taka commanded, still standing beside one of the bed after he let the doctor inside. “I don't like it.” Because it made him felt uncomfortable and, obviously, guilty.

The school doctor scratched the back of his head. He shrugged. “All right, Taka-chan.”

“Don't call me, Taka-chan.” He double—or even triple disliking the way the doctor called him too. Even his parents or grandparents never added -chan behind his name. Yeah, maybe back then, when he was a little kid. And that was a different case.

“All right, all right.” After he gave him a nod, the school doctor drew a different smile on this face. Weak indeed, and the gentle smile was far too small from the football yard wide shiny smile, but what could he hoped for after their previous interaction? Was it a week ago? Or more than that? It felt so long. Not too mention he acted cold whenever he met the doctor too.

“So,” the doctor opened his mouth again, “sit wherever you want, after that tell me what do you want to know,” he said as he sat on his own chair.

Takahiro stepped further inside the infirmary, on his way he dragged an unfolded folding chair and dragged it closer to where the doctor at. A breeze of warm air caressed his skin the moment he stopped and sat in front of the doctor. Behind the doctor the windows were left open, this time he saw no soccer match played in the yard, but several female students passed by the windows, holding their school lunch and still wearing their PE uniform.

 _PE, eh?_ Tomorrow was going to be his class's turn, just after the lunch, he skipped it last week, and of course till he graduates.

Mai defended him last week before the teacher even had a chance to explain, when Nana asked him his reason for stayed in the class while the other Beta males and females hurried up towards the changing room. Her answer was as what he told her about the stitches on his belly. To think of it again, Mai never bugged him about what accident he had, when he thought she would.

After that the PE teacher after recognized him still in his non-PE uniform, explained that he had certain accident, that he had a weak body, every explanations accompanied by either curious stare or a stare that said how pitiful he was. The school knew what he presented as, but they never knew what happened, in reality, to him.

Every classes had at least one Alphas with class 3 group 1 even had three Alphas. Since his grandma explained the accident happened to him because of an Alpha, it seemed like a great idea to assign him in a class where the Alpha always absent after a homeroom teacher suggested his class. Everyone, including him, also thought it was a great idea.

_Until everything had happened._

“So? Uh, what do you want to ask?”

Taka blinked, questioning the older guy with his stare.

The school doctor raised his shoulders, “About Toru.”

“Oh...” Taka exhaled a heavy breathe before he buried his face on his palms and wiped the tiredness from his expression. “Well...” Both of his hands fell lifeless between his thighs as he gave focus back to Kanki-Sensei. Where should he start? All right. “Why did you tell me not to hate Toru?” Yeah, even Mai wondered about that.

“Oh, about that,” the school doctor lowered his head, “...yeah, I...how should I explain it.” He scratched the back of his neck, and had his attention back to him. “Toru is my student, well, not only a student but...”

Taka lifted a brow, “But?”

Kanki-sensei rested his back on to the chair. “I knew him since,” he raised his right hand, and balling the rest of fingers he drew a vertical gap between his thumb and index fingers, “he was this small.” When the doctor said that, his expression became really soft, like his mom whenever she talked about him or his brothers

“Was he a bean?” Taka folded his hands on his chest. Squeezing his eyes as he observed the small gap the doctor made with his fingers. Then, what was Yamashita Toru? Momotaro? Obviously not, that Fucking Blondie not even as heroic as the legendary hero.

Perhaps...

...if the Alpha killed...

he will...

_Nah, forget it._

The older guy shook his head. “No, since he was an embryo.” The football yard smile returned on his owner's face. He could see the white pearls and pink gum because of how wide the doctor smile. “You should see how cute Toru as an embryo.” This time he giggled.

Full of happiness the air in the infirmary had became, the awkwardness he felt when they started talking had gone somewhere else. Did he saw a blush from the doctor's cheeks? Those eyes were sparkled when the older guy stared at the ceiling, maybe, as an old memory replayed like when you play an old tape from back then. His mom had those eyes, had those blush, and had those smile when she brought him and his brothers to watch their old videos as kids.

“Did you dissected the—” Taka stopped.

“Of course, no! And he came from a dad!” Taking a deep breathe, Kanki-sensei shifted his attention back to him. “Wait! Wait! I'll show you, well, I'm sure you have ever seen it too, right?”

“See what?” Taka crossed his legs. “I clearly never saw Toru as an embryo or a bean.”

“No, no, not about Toru.” The doctor leaned forward, fishing something from his slacks's back pocket. “You have two brothers, right?” There was a pause before he continued his words, “I saw that on your archive.”

“Yeah, I did.” Taka shrugged.

“I was there when Toru's Omega dad informed us about it.”

_A wallet?_

“Two days before Valentine,” The doctor flipped open his dark colored wallet, almost black, but when the doctor brought himself closer to him, he noticed it was dark brown. A very dark brown like a mud. “That day was the second day Toru's dad took the day off after the day before yesterday he kept going back and forth towards the toilet, vomiting everything he had ate and drank.” The doctor chuckled. “I was fifteen back then, and he worked in my dad's café, still did.”

_Ah._

“...So, you are not in your twenties?”

_He knew where this was going to go._

Kanki-sensei shook his head. “Thirty-four years old next month.”

“I see.” The moment he realized it, the moment he understood, he felt his heart slammed itself on to his ribs. _Thump_ , _thump_ , wondering why the bones hadn't cracked yet. So, _thump_ , _thump_ , it thumped harder and faster, squeezing his lungs and twisting his intestines.

He wanted to run, but he was frozen in his place as if a carved ice statue. In a pose that if his grandma saw him right now, he would get a scold or two or maybe no dinner for him tonight. Really. To his grandma sitting with his back rested on the chair, hands folded on his chest, and his right leg crossed on his left when he talked to an older person was impolite. Especially an Omega should never sit like he did. Funny, eh? Like this situation he trapped in.

“You've heard the fourth month is when a baby had a life, right? That's the reason why I keeping this with me.”

_He felt cold. The doctor felt warm._

“When Yamashita-san showed it, I was very happy. It was a happiness I could never describe even now, when Toru all grew up and those big. He was really small. But now he even taller than me.”

_He said nothing. The doctor was blabbering._

“I'm not his another dad, but I felt like one when I saw this picture.”

_He felt nothing. The doctor seemed happy._

Did every photos always had the same color? Grey and blueish. With the bean colored in light grey. He had been pictured in the same color, his brothers did too...

“Look at him, Taka-chan”

... _and his_ Hope.

He missed his heat that should be in the second week after he left, in his case, the hospital. The doctor at first said it could be because of stress, but there was a chance for another thing, his mom told his dad, oblivious with the fact he eavesdropped him. Bad son he was, but it was about him. Couldn't be helped, right?

Another two weeks passed. _He was six weeks pregnant._

“Actually...” Taka opened his mouth despite no matter how much lump of salivas he swallowed, his throat still dry and hurt. “...You can already hear heartbeats two months prior.” He placed his feet back to the floor and leaned forward to steal the picture from the proud dad. “You should learn about that, Doctor Kanki.”

He caressed the old UltraSound's picture. So, this is how an Alpha looked like as a little bean? Indeed like a bean, curled like that, did it because inside was too cold or too cramped? His _Hope_ looked like a little bean too. The _Hope_ he lost at the same age as this bean, should he not lose him, he should be able to feel his first movement's the next month. And, why? Why they looked the same as beans but came out differently? And, and if he showed _That Person_ his _Hope_ 's picture, would he had the same expression the doctor had as he looked at the Alpha's?

“Taka-chan? Is there something wrong?”

“I said, don't call me like that!” Taka threw the wallet back to the owner, how fast or strong he threw it, he didn't know but to see the school doctor in pain and hear his grimace.

_Something made his chest rumbling. Something made his breathe hunting. Something made his wound tearing open. Something._

Yeah, something.

“All right, all right...“ Staggered the doctor reached his wallet from the cold-looking floor, and back to his chair. “That was hurt,” the doctor rubbed his left arm up and down, grimacing as he did it. “Did I had done something wrong?”

“Forget about that,” Taka said between his gritted teeth, “So, you told me to not hating Toru because you felt like his dad?”

The school doctor cowered. “Yes, I am, but—” With his glistened eyes the doctor stared back at him.

“But, what?” _Thump_ , _thump_ , his chest pounded. “Tell me why should I not hate him? When the entire class hate this Yamashita Toru you felt like your own son?” he sneered.

“Not, that, listen to me, Taka,” the doctor grabbed his wrist, only for him to yank it back.

“I'm listening! Then, tell me already, why?”

“Please calm down,” the doctor massaged his own forehead.

His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. Taka swallowed another lump of saliva, hurt his throat more, but it less hurt than how the stitches on his belly hurt him. “Are you going to make an excuse that because he loves the Omega his brother raped?” He wouldn't do the same? _Really?_

The doctor jumped to his feet, looking at him with round eyes from disbelief. “What did you say?” His question was shaking.

“You heard me.” Taka pressed his lips tight.

“Oh, shit...” Kanki-sensei took a step backwards, the wallet fell back on to the cold floor, laying lifeless and forgotten. “What the fuck did I had done?” he murmured behind the palm covered his mouth. When those two pool of darkness reflected him in it, the owner hurried to look another way.

Taka rose from his seat. “Why are you crying?”

“No, I...I...” The school doctor trembled in his place, his waist leaned on the desk, and his left hand on top of it, holding his weight as it seemed the doctor lost his strength.

“I don't understand.” Taka clicked his tongue. “Forget about today, I'm out.” But, before he could turn his heels towards the door, the doctor grabbed his arm.

“Taka...” The doctor added another hand.

“Let me go,” Taka hardened his jaw.

Head shook answered his command. “Listen to me, Taka.”

Taka balled his fist, knowing what in front of him wasn't the strongest being. And, wasn't they were both presented _as the same thing_? He believed if he did it as hard and strong as he could he would hurt those face. “Let me go, I'll seriously punch you this time.”

“All right, Taka.” The doctor released his arm and took one step backwards. “But listen to me, Toru will never do the same thing as his brother did.” He rubbed his face with both palms, but tense stay lingered on the pale face. “His half-brother.”

“Half...?”

Kanki-sensei nodded. “His half-brother, the legitimate one, because Toru isn't.”

“I don't understand,” Taka knitted his brows, “Said it clearly.” He remembered, the sentence the Alpha said back in Sunday.

“I don't know how the rumour spread about the...” The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose. “About the rape...I really don't know how somebody knew about this.”

Slowly, his fist relaxed.

“Nobody knew about his other dad, about his half-brother, until about last month, when the rumour broke.”

Taka flinched when again the doctor wrapped his fingers around his right wrist. “I don't like being touched.”

“Oh, yes...” The doctor immediately pulled his hand away, “I...should've know...but...I...no....I mean...” He rubbed his forehead. “I mean, Toru hates his Alpha dad, he hates him for leaving his Omega dad, never marry him because, because the fact he already married with a Beta. Already have a kid with her.”

Taka's arms remained at his sides.

“And...” The doctor inhaled. “Yes, that's true...” He stepped forwards, reaching for his shoulders. This time, he gave no protest, because of those glistening darkness stared deep into his subconsciousness. Trapped him in it. “That's true, Toru loves him, the Omega his brother raped. His half-brother.” Gulping his saliva, the older guy squeezed his shoulders. “Do you think Toru will do what his half-brother did? Do you think it's fair to say it like that?”

His breaths quickened.

“Nobody knows he had a brother, everybody knew he had no father. But, why then everyone said he'd be the same as his brother? Without knowing anything about him? Is it fair?”

Taka slapped the hands on his shoulders. “Don't ask me about fair or unfair.”

The doctor hung his head. “I'm sorry, but please don't hate him,” he said softly. “Don't hate him, Takahiro.”

“I...I don't know, Sensei.” Taka turned his back. His head ached. His heart trembled. His belief shaken. Wasn't it unfair to barge him with all of this? Wasn't it unfair to slice his heart open when all he wanted was to shut it tight? _Tell him, Sensei,_ “I don't know what's fair and unfair mean.” _What does it mean? Because he wanted to keep this hate to make him alive._


	19. Chapter 19

 

 

 

 

 _He was there_. Inside the blue urn smaller than the suppressant bottle he held, standing coldly beside _his_ great-grandpa's ashes on top of the small altar, half surrounded by rice, fruit and other offerings _he_ would never try, because _he_ was never born. Incense burned slowly, the headache inducing aroma filled the air around him, brought by the soaring light smoke. He had rang the small gong, but he prayed nothing. Didn't know what to pray for. So, all he did was staring at the blue urn, and observing its cold gleam every time the lamplight collided with its side.

Every time he faced it, every time the pain throbbed his meat and skin, cutting him from inside. His hoped identity gone as fast as the fire ate _him_ , as fast as the thin incense smoke vanished in the air, ceased for eternity and knocked him out to reality.

He could never touch _him_ , but the ashes. There would never be small fingers grasping his fingers. He would never see a small innocent boy sleeping peacefully and made him forgot the entire night he had spent with a person he had no longer recognized. Should he realized everything became much colder than when he still had a _Hope_ , this red pills, even though hatred ate him alive and summer had stopped coming by, would never became his fire, so _his body_ would never be burned. _Why did regret always coming last?_

He no longer had an identity as to be a parent. He couldn't call himself anything anymore but a victim. A weakling destined to feel like this for the entire of his life.

“Takahiro?”

“I'm home.“ He smiled at his mom, a forced one, but always better than nothing. Because even his own family regarded him as one. That was why they always looked sad and exhausted, no matter how hard they tried to draw a curve on their face. Hurt, his palm was, for having too tight and strong holding on the red pills bottle.

“Welcome home,” his mom answered. “Am I bothering you?” she asked in a careful tone. Even her usually strong and hard demeanor changed since the day, including his dad and grandmother, good thing he had only his mother-side of grandma left so he didn't need to see the same pained expression no matter who he saw. _What a pain in the ass._

Taka shook his head. He slipped the pills bottle into his uniform shirt's pocket and grabbed the gong-mallet, ringing the gong before he placed it back and tapping his hands twice followed by a nod. “I'm done.” He glanced at his mom.

She blinked, and took a deep breathe with her eyes fell onto the altar. He knew what she interested herself at, and it wasn't her father's ashes. “I see...”

“Do you want to pray?” Taka said as he stood, and draped his backpack on his right shoulder.

She nodded. “Yes...” A long pause appeared after her weary answer. The pink blazer she wore had sweat marks around its collar and wrists. Perhaps she dashed her way back home, from wherever she was to the car waited for her, she seemed to use a taxi since his grandmother also wasn't home, and they only had two cars. And, from the car to inside the house, since she found out the car her son shouldn't be used already home. “Will you please wait for me in the living room?” She smiled with her thin brows almost met.

“Sure,” he said before walking away towards his bedroom.

•

Sun rays passed through the windows, coloring his white bed sheet warmth, as if it welcomed him home from his hard and long journey today. Granted, his bed did felt warm on his touch after he left the curtain open all day, different from the entire year he spent until last month.

 _You've done great. You're doing fine. Everything should be fine from now own._ It tried to tell him, forgetting what had happened two weeks ago and in fact when he back home wet in Sunday. Two days ago.

 _I met him, again_ , he whispered into the thin air that night over and over, clutched on his pajama tight that the next day he found red bruises from his nails on his belly.

_I met him, I met him, I met him, and don't want to meet him again._

If he watched in on television, with the cliché plot he had been through, the character usually cried the night after they met the rapist again. Scared to go out again. And even running away when they met for the first time after the night or the day, however, he did different thing, he stayed still, wanting to run but unable to. He didn't want to. He wanted to fight, not running, and finding shelter from another person. But why, he had no power?

Could he fight back, when he failed protecting his own _Hope_?

Takahiro released his backpack and threw it to his bed. He stepped closer towards his study desk, opening the drawer and taking a crumpled photo from inside. “I squeezed you too tight that night, wasn't I?” A thin smile appeared on his face. “After I met the one who's responsible for you.” Opening the photo, he brushed his fingers on the picture, it looked weird, wrinkled like a baby's skin should be. “Will you ever forgive me if it's like this?” He pressed his lips together.

Even within the wrinkled paper the bean that once was inside him still looking clear. If a small bean the doctor showed could born and grow into an intimidating Alpha, what kind of a man would _he_ looked like? Would _he_ be smaller than him? Tall and big like an Alpha would? Or just a man that presented as neither the weakest or the stronger? _What he wished for him_. At times, it sounded better to be a normal person, neither idolized nor wanted, never became a center of other passerby's interest. A normal person that could walk peacefully and never noticed by anyone around them. No need to feel the unwanted judgment other gives us because we acted differently from what they imagined. From their standards.

A normal peaceful life.

But with _he_ became ashes he had no longer a worry like what he always felt when _he_ were inside him. What if _he_ ended up like him? What if _he_ looked like a person he hated and born as the same one? What if this? What if that? In the end, he worried of nothing with _he_ gone. “You don't need to forgive me, though.” What left with him was only a hatred. If he let it go, what would left for him?

Nothing, right? With nothing the fire in him would cease to die. When it ended up like that, what would he become?

•

 _That was why—_ “Do you think I'm bad and selfish when I hate every Alphas for what he did?”

His mom stopped midway from trying to drink the tea he prepared for them. Taking a deep breathe, she placed her cup back onto the table. Thin brows furrowed and both eyes focused on the floor rather than her son who sat in front of her, separated by a small glass coffee table.

“Sorry...” He should've asked when she finished drinking.

“It's okay,” his mom whispered.

Seconds passed by with tea left untouched inside the rose colored cup. He stared at his intertwined fingers, sometimes at the fabric of his dark brown sweatpants that accompanied a long black t-shirt he wore, trying to maybe find some dotted stains that could remind him of the bruises on the hated Alpha's face.

“Is it unfair if I hate every Alphas for what one did to me?” He asked, his tone was calm, almost emotionless. Even if he drank the warmth tea, the cold he felt would still linger. Everytime he felt it, his body remembered the same floor he laid on the entire night. The cold pierced into his skin, cracked his bone, not even the hot sticky liquid filled him able to make him stop remembering the floor's coldness.

Taka lifted his face. “Should I not hating an Alpha when his half-brother did what That Person did to me to an Omega he loves?” Weary chuckles escaped his mouth. “The class hates him, though.”

With a puzzle look, his mom frowned at him. Her lips parted, but no melodic sentence coming out from her throat. Either worrying about him or a question of what he talked about.

“I confused you.” He reached for the cup. “You shouldn't frown a lot, Mom. I told you, right? You'll get more wrinkles.” He touched the cup's side. The heat from the tea spread on his left palm. Carefully he blew a breathe to the tea, creating waves on the bronze sea inside his cup. Sweet Jasmine tea left a burned sensation on his tongue. “... _Shi_ —” Taka groaned.

“Taka...?”

“A punishment for talking about your wrinkles.” He showed his teeth. _The burnt on my tongue was nothing compared to the fire burning your imperfect body, right?_

His mother shoulders relaxed as she squeezed shut her eyes. “I see,” When she opened her eyes, tenderness glowed in her eyes, a faint smile completed her tired soft expression. “Be careful.”

“Yeah,” Taka nodded. Like how she wanted, he sipped the tea, the sweetness relieved the numb sensation on his tongue's tip. “Where are you going before?” He placed his cup back on the table. “Grandma went to her _Ikebana_ 's course, right?” She just started this week.

“Yes, she is.” This time his mother took a taste of his Jasmine tea.

“Is it good?” Taka observed his mom's face. “Too sweet or bitter?”

She gave him a shook. “I think you always did better than me, in this.”

“It's an instant tea. I only poured hot water and added sugars, and you always drink with two sugar cubes.” His lips curved a thin smile that disappeared fast. “And, you always did what you wish, and not even tasting what you cooked.”

“Yes, I did.” _Why?_

“We are alike, aren't we?”

_Why even when I tried hard to make you smile and forget what happened to me you always wear the same sad face, Mom? Wasn't it annoying?_

“I'll brew you a tea again tomorrow,” Takahiro squeezed his left fingers with his right, “won't be an instant one, I promise.” Another smile appeared on his face. “Then, tell me where did you go? Home? I mean...” He massaged his nape, “Dad's house.”

Their conversation paused, but time continued moving. _Tick, tack, tick, tack,_ said the annoying grandfather's clock. It stood close to where the piano was, several steps behind the long sofa his mom's sat on.

“Hiroki's sick,” his mom broke the silence between them.

Taka stared at the white indoor sandals he wore. The right one had a faint chocolate stains created by his youngest brother. He turned twelve years old back in January. The last time he saw his brothers were when he went to their old family's house on Hiroki's birthday. And this stains designed by Hiroki when he tried to bring him a hot chocolate during his brothers' visit here last Christmas. It was annoying, he snapped, making his clingy youngest brother cried after he yelled on him—these filthy hands of his almost landed on his brother's small round face, while his young teenage younger brother staring at him full of fear.

 _Thank goodness, I won't have a kid_ , he said.

“The weather is bad.” Takahiro shrugged. “Did he playing under the rain or something? That kid always did what I've done.” Short of idolizing him, both of his brothers were, especially Hiroki. Always following him wherever he went, doing exactly what he did, but the fact they were presented as different beings made him happy. At least, that boy could live a normal life.

His mom smiled. “The three of you always did it, even when I scolded all of you.”

“And,” He reached his cup, “you locked me outside after they fell sick.”, and sipped the cooling tea after he finished his sentence.

“Yes, but you ran away after...”

“To _his_ place, didn't I?” The grin he made was painful, so did the crease he dig between his brows. So did his mother's expression. And, so did the hole in his heart. “I always did.” He gritted his teeth. Like a stupid Tomohiro and Hiroki, always felt the one they adored was the one they would be safe with. “Don't you think I was so stupid?” Taka sneered. “Funny, isn't it, because it's _the place_.”

He blew a sigh, placing back his cup. The fact his hand was shaking, made some of tea spilled on the table. “ _Fuc_ —” In a haste he rose from his seat and grabbed some tissue sheets from its box. He hurried wiping the tea spills. Uncontrolled awkward laughs escaped his mouth.

His mom reached for his hands, stopping what he did. She looked up into his eyes, tears shimmered in her eyes, telling him that both of them had lose control to what they felt and what they showed. Everything spilled like the cold tea. “Mom will wipe it for you,“ she said, her voice was hoarse.

“It's unfair, don't you think, Mom?” Taka held his mother's hands back. His eyes locked into the deep of dark glossy eyes. “What _he_ did to me.” He bit his underlip, fighting back an unknown emotions threatened him. “What _he_ did to us.”

“Takahiro, listen...” His mom squeezed her eyes, but tears in the end ran down her cheeks, washing away the pink blushes.

His knuckles brushed his mom's welled tears. “Am I acting unfair for hating another Alpha? Because of what _That Person_ did to me? To us?” Gently, he caressed his mom's cheek with his right thumb. His mother's cheek wet on his palm, but warm. Contrasted the cheeks he cupped when he begged _the owner_ to stop what _he_ did. He didn't. “Is it not enough for believing this Alpha already? I already promised him, I'll believe him that he won't do the same thing as his brother! As _That Person_!” His breath paced. “Why isn't it enough? Do you think it's fair for me? To live without hating every single person that reminds me of _him_?”

As if there wasn't a table between them, his mom hugged him in an awkward position. He buried his face on the crook of his mom's neck. The soft scent of her perfume and her sweat were the only thing helped him forgetting the filthy scent of lust he smelled that night. A year almost passed, no matter how much times he washed himself, the rotten scent stayed on him.

Taka tightened his clutch on his mom's blazer. “What's fair, Mom? What's unfair?” Gradually he closed his eyes. “When Kanki-sensei knelt in front of me, I felt like the bad person. When he begged me to not hate that Fucking Blondie, I felt like I'm the unfair one. The selfish one.” He chuckled. “You must be confused of what I said, don't you?”

 

 

“I'm sorry, Mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saturday 10 p.m GMT+7 »»» _Sunday, 10 or 11 p.m GMT+7_
> 
>  
> 
> thank you for reading. (≧∇≦)/


	20. Chapter 20

 

 

 

 

Once they finished their lunch, Mai pulled him back to the class where the returned students looking busy with their PE uniform. She said, “Let's go back to class, I want to change before the bell rings.”

As Mai and him paced to their own seats he heard some of his classmates complained about the schedule they had. Nobody liked the fact they had PE with full stomach, but thinking it was a bad idea if they hold their hunger until the school end, and they envied a class that got the subject in the morning or before the break time, though they themselves then corrected their wishes because the class they knew had those schedule had more than an Alpha in it.

“It's because you're afraid there'll be more competition, don't ya?” joked a student with a short brown hair and a face that in his opinion quite attractive. Handsome. With a face that usually became the player in the love drama his mom sometimes watched when she got bored with life. Complaints followed after, such as, why love dramas nowadays were too cliché. “At least ours never here.”

“Please don't bring that fact,” the black-haired student he talked to sighed, and leaned his waist onto the brown-haired student's desk, arms folded on his chest. “We're already lost a girl in the class.” The student eyed the new couple in the class, they weren't the only one, but the other one had been in relationship since their fresh year. While the one the black-haired student looking at, just tied their relationship last week with the class help.

Upon reaching his desk, Takahiro did nothing other than back sitting on his chair, and putting his left elbow on the desk. He rested his chin on his left palm, eyes peering lazily around the class, everyone were busy with their own business. From his desk he still heard the two Beta boys chattering over getting a blind date, Wada sat two seats in front of him. Did having a lover really that good?

He yawned.

Natsuya and the others never did talk about having blind dates or taking interest in someone. They did talk a lot about music, stores, foods or games, thought the last one neither Natsuya nor him had any interest in it. The same talk continued when the other left him behind with only Natsuya, only sometimes they talked about school and Natsuya helped him with his home works and preparation before test. He did, like an Alpha well-known off, smart.

Before he graduated he took a scholarship in one prestigious university for his excellence. Natsuya told him he might rejected it, because he was interested in music better than business or any other subjects, but in the end he enrolled in the university. His dad was the reason, and his mother begged him for it. And in the end he wanted bigger gap between him and this certain someone, Natsuya told him.

Who was this certain someone, he never knew. Natsuya was the only child too, maybe if he did have siblings, at least a brother despite their different secondary sex, like he did, he could understand the rivalry. And, Natsuya also hardly told him about them. Once he thought, maybe it was the dad, since the old man acted strict towards him.

Taka bit his under lip. Such a perfect being but never liked someone, he should've think about that. And maybe, if Natsuya did showed his interest towards him... _That Person_ would never appeared. Maybe he could explore his feeling towards the teen. And maybe, they would looking like Sato and Yurippe, since they were in the different year, spending time during break time, talking about rubbish things lover shared together.

But, in the end despite their closeness he knew nothing, right? He never knew about the certain someone Natsuya said he couldn't let them defeated him. Eventually he didn't even knew about the feeling Natsuya had towards him.

Were they friends?

Was he a good friend?

Was that why? Because he was not a good friend, _he_ betrayed him? Was it his fault?

“Earth to Morita! Do you hear me?”

Taka startled. In a sudden he felt his brain empty and he felt confused, eyes staring blankly at the brown-haired teen who God-knows since when he had been there, sitting on the desk in front of him and his friend stood beside him.

“What?” Takahiro frowned.

“You didn't listen to what I said, I see.” Wada hung his head, and breathed a long sigh. Seemed disappointed.

The black-haired student slammed the table. Loud but not that strong, only to make him dug a deeper crease between his brows. “Wada told you an important thing ever, and you didn't even listening? How cruel?” The student named Kido darted him with a look.

Taka rubbed his face with both of his hands. “Okay, sorry?” he let his hands fell on the table after. “So, can you please repeat what was you told me?”

“Listen, Morita.” Kido went closer to him. His side met his shoulder and then he felt it—

Taka brushed the hand off his shoulder. “Keep your hands away from me.” He glowered, much to the black-haired teen displeasure.

“All right, all right,” Kido took a step back, raising his hands over his shoulders before he folded both in his chest. _“Sheesh,_ are you sure, we need to invite this guy?” As the teen fixed his eyes at the brown-haired student, he did the same thing.

Wada rested his chin on his intertwined fingers, he locked his eyes into him and smiled. “Don't worry, I also only like our girls or Omegas touching me.” He gave him a wink alongside his friendly smirk.

“Wada!” Kido hurried towards the teen he thought was his best friend, because they always seen together whenever they go. “I thought we're friend,” he mumbled at the brown-haired teen, squeezing his shoulder. “You are so cruel, Wada.” And the brown-haired teen waved him away. Looks like a playboy and butt-monkey pair, these two were. One stuck with the other who was more popular. He saw those kind of friendship combinations a lot.

Taka shrugged. “Then, what do you want?” He slumped on his chair, raising one brow waiting for anything the teen wanted to say.

“Before I told you once again,” he smiled, ”What's your relationship with Mai?” This time his smile grew wider.

“Mai?” Taka instinctively glanced at the Beta girl's desk, she had gone, not that she and her two other close girl friends were found other part of the class. She changed already. He observed the brown-haired teen, giving him look up and down. “Why asking?” he asked. “Do you like her?”

“What? You like Suzuhira, Wada?” the butt-monkey echoed him in much more confused and surprised tone.

“No!” the playboy yelped and then sighed. He turned at him, “I don't like her, I mean, not that she's ugly, she's pretty, but—” He blushed, and brought himself forward, “I like an Omega-type one better.” He winked. “Mai is too strong for my preference, I like someone that I can protect.”

Taka sneered. “You like them because you can look strong in front of them, right?” This kind of type were weak, of course the prefer the weaker one, so they would be able to look strong and adored by their partner.

Once he exploded at Natsuya, screaming at him why he saved him from the bullies targeted him. He said, he didn't need to be rescued, he could do it himself. He could protect himself. If what the teen wanted from him was only to make him adore the teen as an Alpha, then the teen could go save someone else. However, all that Natsuya was said was again, about he wanted him in his band club. He was strong enough to protect himself, the teen said after that and gone.

It was funny to remember, because in the end, he failed in protecting himself from the teen that saved him. From the pervert inside the teen he adored's body.

“I'm joking.”

_I was weak wasn't I, Natsuya?_

“Don't make that face, and I'm friend with Mai, that's all.”

_That was why you betrayed me. Used me. Was it my fault for believing you in the first place?_

Taka shrugged, his right fingers tapped on the edge of his desk. “Then, what are you going to tell me? The bell will ring soon.”

Both of teen exchanged look before stared back at him. What should he felt from those looks but uneasiness? It was true, he knew already who was who in this class. Though not so much for their demeanor or quirk, from all these three weeks he became the member of this class, he spent a week back in his bedroom. If there were people he really got to know more than another in this class, those were Mai, Yamashita and...

... _Andou_.

Since what he said three days ago the thought of what the brute Beta said hadn't leaving his thought. That, and what he got from the need of knowing Yamashita Toru. What happened towards the Alpha, he had no interest anymore. His mom was right. Hating or not hating was all his rights. Unfairness or Fairness, he didn't care about that anymore. He could hate the Alphas or anyone as he wanted. He did it without a reason, he had his solid reason.

A muscle in his jaw twitched the moment his gaze met with the brute Beta's. A smile appeared on the Beta's face, he hold the Beta's gaze before the tough-looking teen faced another direction, at a male friend who was busily talking with him.

“Okay, Morita,” Wada spoke. “I want to invite you to a preparation before Summer break!” He gave him a white-pearl grin.

“It's still May,” Taka responded with no interest.

“Better too early than late, right?” Kido smiled at him and give him a thumb. “And we have a great name for this project.”

“Project? What?”

“OMR! _Operation Mate Hunt_!” The playboy-looking teen snapped his fingers, and the butt-monkey teen clapped at what his friend said.

Taka studied his classmate and his brain scrutinized the teen's sentence. “What?”

A girl chuckled. “That's a lame name.”

“It's lame...“ _And like, what the fuck?_ “What's that?”

Kido waggled his eyebrows. “We'll have a blind date.” His lips drew a smirk.

“W-What?” Takahiro blinked.

“That's too much ‘what’ you asked.” Wada slammed the desk. “Blind date, Mori—ah no, _Taka_ , at the this Sunday we'll have a blind date. How good is that sound? You just need to come at the date and leave all of the preparations to me. Perfect, right?”

“Why?” It wasn't his fault if he confused as fuck at what just happened. Blind date, huh? “Why should I get a blind date?” He never had that before, not even with the others. Like he said, even talking about date he never did that.

“Do you want your Summer to be all alone and lonely?” Kid stepped forward, his face almost met with his. “We need a lover! I want to spend my holidays with a girlfriend or an Omega boyfriend!”

Taka pushed the black-haired teen away from him. “You're too close,” he grunted. Averting his attention to the other teen, he furrowed his brows, “Okay, then, why me?”

“Because we pity you!” Wada rose from his seat, he bent forward, having his face too close with him, to which he pushed this one away too.

“What do you mean by that?“

The brown-haired teen sighed. “Mai cock blocking you, right?”

“What do you—” His sentence stopped before he could finish it when a palm tapped his mouth. Taka slapped that hand. “What the fuck are you going to do?”

Wada put his arms on his waist. “We've been pity you because Mai always acting clingy to you, she hardly even leave you all alone. No one will come closer to you with a guardian like that.” Beside the brown-haired teen, Kido nodded his head in rhythm. “That's why we thought, we want to include you in this, not only we can have a closer friendship as Beta males, but also the important one.”

Taka frowned.

“Kido said it again.”

The black-haired teen darted him with a serious look. “Get a lover!” He punched the sky. “Get a mate!” Then he smacked his own chest that only caused him to cough. He didn't even quite understand for what happened here, but maybe he understood.

“A blind date...” How should he hurt a Beta girl or an Omega paired with him?

A girl snorted. “Really, you thirsty boys, that's what important to you for Summer?” She was Nana, surname Mikoshiba, but forced everyone to call her with given name for closer relationship. Her lips glistened with a freshly applied pink gloss. A girl sat before her desk that was full of makeup tools.

“Then tell me what's important to you, Nana-chan?” Wada said followed with a nod from his best friend.

She batted her lashes. “Listen my important thing is—”

“Finding a way to make sure you aren't smell after PE,” the girl who sat in front of her said.

“Shiho!”

The short-haired girl pursed her lips. “But we talk about that just now. You said you're wondering why must Beta have a body odor than a pheromone?” She shrugged. “You also said it's important to know, and the reason why we never told after puberty Beta got even a stronger body odor.”

“What is that?” Taka raised a brow, saying his sentence in a silence lips movement.

“Shiho, it isn't about that!” Nana panicked.

Her friend tilted her head. “But you complained about that, even saying we need to make an emancipation, a march to tell the importance of basic knowledge about Beta than just our pheromone-less body.” She huffed. “Since we're only always told about Alpha and Omega in our entire education.”

Andou snickered. “What a stupid girl.”

“It's important, Andou. Like your late teeth.” Shiho grinned, that only enough to make the brute Beta exhaled a long sigh, and stood up; taking his PE uniform and left the class followed by his friend.

“He's so sensitive about his teeth.”

Nana, mimicked the brute Beta, let out another sigh. “This is why! You always dazed off! We talked about the important thing in a Summer not about that one.” She paled.

The brown-haired male Beta scrunched up his face. “Is that why you always use so much perfume?”

“Is that why?” Kido echoed.

“You all are fucking noisy.” Taka clicked his tongue. He massaged his temple.

“Shut up, Wada! I hope you're single till you die!” The makeup girl rose from her seat and took in her makeup sets inside it's bag. The bell rang while she did it. “Ah, shi—!” She startled, and hurried taking her neon pink drawstring bag after she put her makeup bag in. Both of her and the girl named Shiho dashed outside the classroom.

“Noisy girl,” Wada said.

“Yep, totally,” Kido followed.

Taka snorted. “As if you two aren't.” The class was so lively, wasn't it? Hating same person, and acted noisily like just before. “Go change you two.”

Wada frowned. “Wait a minute, about the blind date—” “ _Takahiro_...”

The air changed in a swift. From a lively one into an air filled with hatred after a hoarse baritone cut off a sentence and a mismatched teen joined them. Blond strands dulled the dark colored hair. He stood taller than two teens next to him. His lean body looked stronger compared the two teens, with his lingering pheromones in the air induced fear to anyone who breathed the air. A pair of midnight colored irises seemed ready to devour your soul and even yourself alive. One by one the students left inside the class made a way to the exit, but the two stood closer to the Alpha had been frozen in their place.

“Yamashita...” Takahiro tightened his lips as he clutched on the thing in his slack pocket. He averted his gaze from the dark colored irises to the lonely desk. The sun ray pierced through the windows, illuminating the empty unused desk.

Low cough drummed his ears. The owner took a deep breathe, it sounded like the strongest being inside this room had a hard time breathing. “I want to talk with you, Takahiro.”

“Then,” Taka darted a look at the Alpha, “tell me here.”

“I can't.” The Alpha breathed heavily. He stepped closer, but there was a distance he created with him, as if he was afraid to step closer and yank his wrist to force him go whenever he wanted. When the Alpha did the opposite before.

“If that's so, then we don't have anything to talk about,” Taka said, gritting his teeth.

Yamashita took another step closer. “Please.” He could feel the Alpha almost reached his desk until he heard a clicked tongue.

“Taka...” The voice came from a different teen.

“Yeah, Wada?” Taka drew his brows closer, staring at the teen who was blocking the Alpha from coming even more closer to him.

“Do you have a problem with him?” The brown-haired teen who gave the blond Alpha a dirty look, but he realized the teen's lips was trembling. So did the teen's shoulders. Behind him Kido avoided at staring the Alpha. “Do I need to call the teacher?” Wada said.

Taka rubbed his face with his palms. _Shit_. “we'll talk about the blind date later, okay?” He heaved a sigh, and switched his attention at the blond Alpha who distanced himself from Wada. Those midnight irises painted with a painful gleam he hated to stare at, but he needed to. Even when he had told the Alpha he hated it. He bit his under lips. It must be because of yesterday, right? _Shit_. _Double shit. That fucking school doctor._

He brought himself up. “Okay, let's talk,” he said, his tone was that of a displeasure. But, the Alpha gave him a nod, even though before he turned his heels he glanced at the two teens who were flinched.

“Is rooftop, okay?” Yamashita turned his attention on him.

“Fine with me.” Taka nodded and quit his seat. He looked at the two teenagers, “Don't tell Mai,” he warned both before he followed the Alpha.


	21. Chapter 21

 

 

 

Half-hearted, Taka dragged his feet along the corridor following the staggered teen some steps in front of him. No words had come out from his mouth, neither it came out from Yamashita's mouth. They marched in silence, with his eyes sometimes peering towards the yard as they sauntered close to the outer window, looking at their classmates readied themselves in the middle of the yard, some chasing and kicking at each other, the others warming themselves up, and the rest either trying to shelter themselves from the threatening Summer noon's ray or busying themselves with cell-phone on their hands. Mai had told him that their class subject was going to be a relay race, a fact that sparked his interest since running and or athletic always coming second after singing for him. Yet, he no longer had any interest in anything, neither singing, running or even taking a day off with his grandpa's from his dad's side to just having a relaxing catch and release bass fishing. Everything had changed, that was what he told his grandpa once. And when he got bored with what his classmates did and as they passed the last window, his attention fell on the Alpha.

While he was far from caring about what happened on the Alpha, he noticed how flushed Yamashita's skin around his neck was and sweat patterned the topmost of the back of his shirt. Wheezing, the Alpha's shoulders fell and rose as heavy as the steps he had on the stairs. Too heavy that in the end the Alpha stumbled and landed on his knees on the stairs, right hand grasping the stairs rail tight. "You look worst," Taka opened his mouth, taking a chance to comment on what happened in front of him. And yeah, the Alpha certainly looked worse than yesterday when he saw him at the infirmary's door.

With his back facing him, the Alpha harshly brushed his face with both of his hands, the right one then reached out for his slacks pocket, taking out the handkerchief that once was his and coughing and sneezing on it after.

Taka groaned, maybe he should be glad about his handkerchief donation. At least, he knew it had been useful. "I thought an Alpha should be stronger," he mocked, hands on either side of his waist as he watched the Alpha dirtied the expensive sheet of cloth.

Yamashita turned around, looking at him with a deep frown. "Just because I'm one, doesn't mean, I'm not a human," he protested with his hoarse voice, telling both of them how sore the Alpha's throat was before he returned coughing and sneezing on the handkerchief.

"Oh, so now you want to be regarded as human?" Taka scrunched up his nose. Nasty. "You know, you should've stayed at home," he said as he passed through the Alpha, taking the stairs further, "think of anyone that can catch your nasty virus." Nah, he knew how selfish an Alpha could be, more than he or anyone could ever be. Like, don't make him laugh, still a human what? When every Alphas he met never seen him as one. And one tried to remind me they were a human too at their weak moment when at their usual strength, do they even wanted to be regarded as inferior as Betas and Omegas? Perhaps not. Don't give him an excuse not all Alphas were like that. Don't tell him he was unfair thinking like that. Don't.

Fair or unfair, to forgive or to not forgive, the views he had over the blessed being no one would ever be able to change it.

He did once.

_And, look at him._

Without waiting for the one asked him to be here, Taka pushed the door to the rooftop. Cheerful as always the noon sun's ray greeted him. He groaned, blaming the Alpha for making him leaving the air-conditioned classroom to be under the end-of-spring, early-of-summer heat—underlined it: on the fucking rooftop when he didn't even want to be on the yard—for anything he hoped to be important. Sighing, Taka strolled on to the corner of the rooftop, where an extra room was with water tower standing tall on top of it. Upon reaching it, he immediately leaned his back on to the wall, waiting for the Alpha who hadn't yet appeared at the rooftop door. At least he could hide from the sun before he became roasted Taka. Tasty, it wouldn't be.

Taka yawned, placing both of his arms in front of his chest. The blond-haired finally stepped out. His steps staggered as before, and he placed his left-hand high, hiding his face behind his palm. "Wait, wait, wait." Taka reached his right hand out, forcing the Alpha to stop at his place. Around, maybe, three steps from where he was at. "Stay there," he said as he stared at the looking-confused Alpha, but at least, the Fucking Blondie stopped as he wanted, "First, I don't like you're being too close to me, second, I'm not interested in catching your cold. So, stay there."

The Alpha frowned. His stare full of questions but nothing came out from his mouth. Breathing harshly, he nodded, "Fine," his hoarse baritone said before once again he coughed behind the handkerchief. Which made him instinctively pushed his back on the wall as if he could go further and placed his right palm against his nose and mouth.

Sheesh.

It felt like what happened since his enrollment to this school and class, which had not yet even a month, were all curses brought by this one and only Fucking Blondie. Speaking of bad fate he had, once wasn't enough, and then there was the second one, and another one already waiting for him, huh? No, thanks. He wished to all of the deities up there, for the blond Alpha to keep his cold to himself, too nasty to catch one from the being he hated.

The Alpha sniffed, brushing around his eyes after with the back of his arm. "Sorry," he whispered.

"Yeah, yeah," Taka blew out a low sigh, "So," he dragged his word, "what do you want to talk about, then?"

Taking a deep breath, Yamashita let out a cough once again. He put his handkerchief back to his shirt pocket, and harshly wiped the sweat on his face with his shirt's sleeve. "Wait a minute," the strongest being, sadly so weak, pleaded.

"All right, all right," Taka shrugged, eyes staring at his feet and the cemented floor, ended up peering around him, though he didn't know since what seconds he began to observe the teen in front of him—or why, but, Yamashita's blond strands were damp with sweat, fringes matted on his forehead, maybe from the fact he was under the weather, which could be taken either way. His fair skin was paler, flushing around his nose and cheeks, and then eyes after the owner brushed his arm around it. His sleepy eyes, drowsier, telling him enough about how bad was the situation for the Alpha, that the soul-eating irises seemed tamed, and its need to take his soul inside of those two dark, dark eyes had gone somewhere. And the more he stared at Yamashita's face, an unknown feeling stirred inside him. Something, somewhere, whichever ever part from the Alpha's face brought him a sense of familiarity. Too familiar that he felt choked. Nauseous. Taka stared down, teeth sinking deep into his underlip, and nails digging on his stomach, as he battled pain creeping his senses, pooling right at where the scars at.

_Why?_

Another question without an answer had been made. Could he ever find the answer to his pilling up questions? Or he would never be even until his time is up? They said, not all questions have answers, not all curiosity needs to be satisfied, but could he? Could he close his eyes in the end without knowing anything? Like how he needed to be satisfied with the fact he would never know the answer why he was born as an Omega rather than an Alpha, or at least a Beta when it came to why  _That Person_  did it that day, that night? Should he be satisfied for that too without knowing an answer?

"Taka...hiro?" A hoarse voice snapped him out, worried it sounded. "Are you—"

"I'm all right," his breathing chased, his voice choked; glare piercing full of dejection. He straightened his back, leaning to the wall. Hands fell on his sides. "Just tell me already, what do you want to talk about? Don't waste my time." Harsh, and he realized that, and that was okay. He told and showed the Alpha the truth of what he felt. "And step back, you're being too close." One step too close.

Doing what he asked, the Alpha faced him. For a moment he saw sadness as the Alpha closed his eyes.

"It's okay if you want to hate me."

He saw it. The same sadness, the same pain, he found everytime their eyes met. But this time, it was even more sad, even more—hurt, as if it bore more pain. As if tears threatened to fall, but it holding on. So unsuitable.

"What?"

The Alpha smiled. So rare.

"About Kanki-sensei," the heavy and low laugh was so hollow. So painful. Why? "He told you," the Alpha shrugged, "begged you to not hate me, right? It's stupid, shameful, you can laugh at that, I did laugh too." He, again, laughed but, what was so funny? Confusing. So confusing, but his guess was right.

"I've always hated you." Taka nodded his shoulders burdened by nothing. "No need to tell me that."

Yamashita stopped laughing and pressed his lips together. He coughed behind his left arm, breathing so low and loud. So annoying. Putting the hand away, a weak smile curved on the Alpha's face, contrasting the painful gleam plastering his eyes. A pain he didn't want to understand but he wanted to know. Selfish, but wasn't a human being always like that? Wanted to know, at the same time, refusing to understand. "Right," Yamashita huffed, chuckling after. "I shouldn't need to tell you this at the first place," his words shaken. The Alpha coughed sharply, his shoulders trembling as he harshly scratched the back of his head, and he wondered, who was in front of him at this moment? Yamashita Toru? The Alpha hated by the entire class, who threatened every lower being with his strong scent, and he showed him some minutes ago in front of the moronic duo, so strong like the power he had that Andou lost his teeth, but oh the female Betas and maybe Omegas adored and crazy for him.

So weak. So weak. This Alpha in front of him.

"Do you want me to not hate you?" The words came out loose from his mouth, too easy and void of any emotions, showing how answers weren't going to be important for his question. For him.

But Yamashita froze on his place, brows knitted together, lips parted, hands on his sides, and eyes stared at him, ever so slightly, he saw hope gleamed in those pool of confusions. A cough from his lungs distracted him again, he took a deep breath and darted him with the same stare. "What do you mean?" he said with his voice hoarser from coughing too much.

"I mean, what I mean." Taka shoved his hands on his slack pockets, right fingers playing with his suppressant's tube. "Do you want me to not hate you?" he repeated the same question.

The Alpha seemed lost in his deep thought, only his eyes full of his reflection, and he averted his gaze when the same unknown feeling burst inside him from staring longer at the blond teen. Agitated, his thumb's nail flicked open the red pills' tube cap, only for his thumb to press it to close again. He repeated once, and after, and after. Good thing, he decided to move the pills into candy mint's tube, nobody questioned him when he took a pill after lunch, not even Mai despite her curious stare at what he gulped down so fast when he purposely let the Beta girl saw the tube's brand wrap.

"I do," between his gritted teeth, with his deep hoarse baritone Yamashita answered.

Taka pressed down the tube cap, eyes staring back at the Alpha. "Why?"

"Why?" Yamashita repeated, sounded confused.

"Yes, why?" Taka sighed. "Why do you want me to not hate you? Is it because you were hated by the entire class? Or maybe the entire school, though don't worry, you know what, some girls liked you, I promise you," he scoffed. "That's if, if you chased me, and even that freak doctor begged me, to not hate you so I can be your friend."

"Friend?" The Alpha whispered.

Taka shrugged. "Yes, friend." He took one step forward. "If you want a friend, you don't have to worry, it sounds funny for an Alpha to friends with Beta girls or Omega, but maybe you'll look cool, surrounded by admirers" he frowned, "I don't know, that'd be a good start for you, and you can stop chasing me, and, and," ruffling his hair, he tried to find words. Taka clicked his tongue. "And yes, your dearest teacher don't need to shame himself anymore in front of me, or even you, that'd be good, right?"

"Takahiro..."

He breathed sharply. "Like why? Why me? Or do you did the same to the others? Is it just me because I'm a transfer student?" He felt like he was talking too fast, he couldn't even understand what he said. Everything came out, spilling from the overflowed bottled emotions. "You know what, don't worry about that, I don't hate you, because you are Yamashita Toru. I hate you because you are an Alpha, and I don't know, maybe because of your brother too. It's cruel, or, maybe unfair I know, but you know..." He felt like a mess. All he wanted were to start his life once again without being bothered by anything or anyone, no, not after he saw  _That Person_  again. Unfair or fair, he didn't care? It was about him. Because he didn't want to be trapped anymore in his bedroom. A year was enough. Should be enough.

The silence happened between them nauseated him. The Alpha stood tall in front of him, seemed lost once again in his thought.

Taka stared down, bitting his lips. His hands stayed rested in his slack pockets. "If, if there's nothing more you want to talk to, I'm going to show my face to the Hiruma-sensei," yeah the P.E teacher told him to at least show his face.

"I don't want to be your friend."

The Alpha's painful stare bore into his unconsciousness as their eyes met.

"Then?" Taka raised a brow. His chest thumped uncomfortably.

Yamashita tightened his jaw. His shoulders trembling as he inhaled an amount of air and balled his fists. The scent surrounding him was strong but as soft as the determined stare locked him in it. Petrichor. The scent of after rain, when the sun brought itself back after a long heavy rain showered the world. A nostalgic scent that brought him a memory he didn't want to remember.

"I love you, Takahiro."

Disgusting.

"I love you."

So disgusting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \---And Taka said, "Yes, love you too, Torugay-san."
> 
>  
> 
> ****
> 
> Thanks for reading, and for still being with me after months of no update and lazy updates. tee hee. Leave some thoughts about the chapter or the works itself if you don't mind. ::"D Or maybe if you have some question.
> 
> Special thanks to Google Translate, Merriam Webster, and Grammarly lmao.
> 
> Found me on Instagram: [ zen.ldh.oor ] for updates announcement and shit reasons. And no it won't take months for next update, but English took me more time. *cries over the fact I did it for days but only 9 minutes standard reading time* And I'm a shit at sticking on the schedule. 
> 
> I hope this chapter is good enough. :-*
> 
> p.s: yes, my two works 1:00 am and Hi, I'm Toru a Dad are canceled. I still have the copy for the former on wattpad though, maybe someday, will finish and repost. Who knows. Shit happens.
> 
> Thanks again, see ya in next chapter. <3


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a spoiler maybe, but proceed with caution. Nobody got killed. :)

 

 

 

 

 _I love you_.

The first time someone said the sentence for him as a romantic confession was five years ago. He was 13 years old, she was 15 years old. He was a freshman who busied himself helping his class for their Summer school festival, and she was the senior who hadn't need to do it as the seniors needed to themselves for the national exam. He was an Omega, no matter from where you observed him, his short stature, his lithe figure, his boyish yet feminine looking face and even his slim legs, and she was a tall young woman with a short black hair, the gray slacks she chose to pair the black suit framed her firm shoulders added more masculinity to her figure as her secondary gender traditionally should be. An Alpha. The track club Captain he never talked to until that moment, the girl who had brought several medals and prizes for the school but the memory he had about her was that she never accepted he rejected her confession. She (and her fans) troubled him, never physical, but words are sometimes sharper than swords piercing through your chest. And having your phone silent every single moment was inconvenient. He survived after he kicked her table as he poured her with everything she (and her fans) had made him pissed. A month before the winter break.

To think again, saying she was the first probably not even correct.

She said, " _suki_ ".

Fucking Blondie said, " _ai_ ".

If it so, then the first person who told him the sentence was, ah, yeah, _That Person_. In a way, nobody would ever want, nobody would ever dream about, especially for those who had always dreamed of an Alpha to romantically confessed to them. Ah, maybe he was too unlucky, that was why things happened in this world worked against him. Sometimes he wondered, what does the fault he had made that everything happened to him? Was it from his childhood? When he pulled a Beta girl who sat in from of him's hair back in elementary school just because the teacher made him bored? It wasn't because of the fact he shoved the bully Alpha till he bleeds, right? It was a payment, no, a statement. A statement he couldn't make against the very best friend he was never had. And then, what kind of statement should be made for the annoying Fucking Blondie who had always disturbed him since the first moment he stepped inside the classroom? Inside and outside the school ground. And as if the Fucking Blondie himself wasn't enough, there was also that fucking school doctor who didn't even looked like one, who begged, forced him to be a friend for the Alpha their classroom hated. Calling it unfair when nobody had the right to talk about fairness and unfairness to him.

And, and, and, what? What did this Fucking Blondie say to him? Oh, yeah, a disgusting sentence. A same disgusting sentence that fattened the maggots feasting on his flesh, making the bleeding hole in his chest bigger every day. Who knows how big the hole would become at the end of the day, with more and more maggots hatched from its egg and started feasting on his flesh. Ah, disgusting. Really, really disgusting. Too disgusting.

Made him wanted to puke.

Made him wanted to laugh.

Taka huffed a long sigh, his eyes stared deep into the two dark orbs which reminded him of those of a deer than those of a lion, and he did not empathize with the teenager in front of him. A thin curve appeared on his face after a long time he had forgotten how to draw it. "Ah...haha..." He started with low and deep chuckles before the chuckles turned into a laugh. Laughing, his shoulders trembled, and his body shaking. He thought, he did too, had forgotten how to laugh, but staring at the Fucking Blondie who stood still on his place, staring at him expressionless made him laugh. Louder than he ever made his very best friend, who taught him how to laugh freely, unburdened, heard. So loud he might be deafened himself with his own laugh.

Choked by his own laugh, Taka coughed. Tears welled in the corner of his eyes, making his sight blurred. As he found his laugh calmed down, he stared up at the Alpha, those deer like orbs gleamed painfully, tickling his laughing nerves once again because why? Why an Alpha? The strongest and gifted being, the luckiest being on Earth, staring at him like that? Was he looking too pitiful? Then it became too funny, that was why he laughed, laughing even harder, even louder. He stooped, left hand on his knee, and right hand holding his stomach which started to feel hurt because of the pressure he made around there as he laughed.

Ah, his stomach hurt, as if the two surgery scars going to tear up. His empty womb felt too hurt too. So painful, he cried but laughing hard and harder. Unable to breathe, he gagged. His brain told him where the garbage bin was, that was why his feet started running there while his hands pressured his mouth to hold down his lunch. To the corner of the rooftop, where the bin rested comfortably against the wire fence. He wished he could just throw up at his place, making a pool of food waste under his feet. If he did would he get expelled?

Acid raising from his stomach pricked his throat and eardrums. Hurt. Too hurt. And he was forced to smell the content of his own stomach, at its worst under the dizzying heat. It's gonna take a long time to clean his hands. Maybe this time he should use the Male Beta and Alpha's bathroom rather than the teacher's because, in this situation, he wouldn't have time to make sure of his surrounding, that nobody's there, that nobody would see him when he used the key the headmaster gave him to use the teacher's bathroom because it was too risky if he used the bathroom he should never use no matter how much suppressant he shoved to his throat. No matter how much, yeah, no matter how much, he is always an Omega.

 _A thing to be used_.

Reaching the garbage bin, Taka leaned forward, fingers grasping tight on the wire fence. In every choked cough louder than the Alpha's he threw up bitter and acidic slimy food waste. "Shi-" His arms and shoulders quivered by the pain on his stomach, chest, and stomach. Pressure twisted his tensed muscles, acid pricked his ears, nose, and throat like thousand needles. He could smell his own vomit every time he tried to breathe with slimy food waste clogged his nose. Hazy, but he could hear steps coming closer to him.

"I..."

"Shut up!" Taka yelled, gritting his teeth before he let out the Hamburg steak he ate for lunch out from his stomach. The faint brown colored slimy vomit out from his ulcer looked nasty, however less disgusting than the words Yamashita told him.

A moment passed by with only his own heavy breathe and sounds he made when he threw up filled his ears, but he knew the same Alpha was there, standing behind him and staying silent. How funny, the strong being did what he told him to do. Too bad he had no energy left with his lunch became a puddle of slimy vomit inside the garbage bin. What a beautiful scene the school janitor would find today, though brat like them always leaving nasty things for the poor janitor. Either the forgotten expired sandwiches they left in their bag for months until they made a mistake, and their poor classmates almost fainted inhaling the poisonous smells polluted the air. Like what Natsuya did to them when their band leader opened a can of corn soup three months ago he had forgotten and left in his bag inside their club room, no, the orchestra room, and an entire 24 students forced them to clean the club room until the smells gone since his very best friend spilled a glob of blackened corn soup. Or, when the janitor at the school he left a year ago found a used condom.

He remembered that day when his prestigious school suddenly uprooted after the rumor spread. Natsuya, their other three friends, and he gathered on the rooftop at the same time he was now talking about how they imagined how red their headmaster bald head would've become after the parents held an extraordinary meeting unexpectedly, or whose that condom was.

Too bad, _That Person_ didn't bother to wear one as he dirtied him.

_If only..._

Taking a deep breath, Taka wiped his lips using his suit's sleeves. Rather than an annoyance, emptiness colored his wet eyes as he glanced at the Alpha. "You know, don't you?"

It took seconds and a choked cough before Yamashita gave him a weak nod.

Bitterness lingered on his taste bud. Taka ran his left fingers through his hair, hoping his hair wouldn't smell like his intestines because he knew taking a bath wasn't an option, and his stupid classmates going to tease him, especially the annoying Mai.

"I'm sorry," Yamashita said, almost like a whisper.

Taka brought himself closer to the wire fence and leaned his back there. His left fingers grasping the wire as tight as his right grabbed where he hid the small tube at. Unbothered by the pain crawled inside him and pooled on his throat he stared at the Alpha. "Since when?"

The Alpha tightened his jaw, closing his eyes. He noticed how the blond Alpha's shoulders stiffened. When he glanced down, he found two balled fist trembled, telling him how tight the Alpha fisted his fingers. "Since the first day."

A weak dry chuckle left out his mouth. "Really?"

The Alpha nodded, and those droopy eyes refused any rights he had to be staring at. Another question filled his chest only to be left unanswered by Yamashita who chose silent than giving him more explanations.

"How?"

Once again, the Alpha closed his eyes, coughing. He saw the Alpha's Adam's apple moved as the Alpha swallowed, maybe lumps of saliva. "Your scent...I..."

"I see." Taka bit his underlip.

How many pills should he shove in?

"But..." Those two dark irises that reflected him in it adorned by pain. Reminded him of the first time he saw those pain in the eyes of someone who should never feel pain or looking weak. Why? Because Yamashita pitied him? When he got trapped in a brawl between two Alphas? Because Yamashita felt guilty? After making him vomited his lunch because the words he used were too disgusting? Why? A pity? A guilt?

Tell him what the pain in your eyes means, dammit?!

Taka furrowed his brows. "But?"

For the first time since he gave his attention on Yamashita, the blond Alpha stared at his eyes. "It's faint. And I can't smell your scent anymore."

"Why telling me that? Are you pitying me?" He jeered to either the Alpha or himself.

Yamashita shook his head. "No, I..."

"No need to pity me." Gritting his teeth, his trembled lips drew a thin smile as his eyes darted a sharp glare. Taka inhaled a deep breath. "I'll kill you if you tell anyone," he emphasized.

The Alpha lowered his head. "You don't need to worry," his hoarse voice said.

"And don't make me puke again with your disgusting words."

This time silence answered him, but it doesn't matter.

"We aren't even a friend, and what you said?" Knitting his brows, he let a chuckle out, "loving me? How disgusting."

Yamashita looked up, staring into the deep of his consciousness that made him pressed his back at the wire fence instinctively. His shoulders quivered. For seconds, he held his breath.

The Alpha touched, grabbed his chest, making his white shirt crumpled. "Am I that disgusting?" the hoarse baritone asked. Despite glinting with pain, those dark irises had no longer owned by a deer, but a lion, two eyes a stronger being should have had. "When it wasn't me who did it. When it was my brother who did it," he hissed. Sighing, Yamashita continued, "When he doesn't even consider me as his brother. But look at me. Look at me for his fault." He fisted his fingers, punching his own chest twice.

"...I don't care..." Taka said, trying to breathe as the air surrounding them became heavy, nauseated him. He shook his head. "I don't care, I really don't care about what happens to you. I don't care at all." Staggered, he stepped forward and pushed the Alpha away from his lane despite his hands slowly losing its strength with the air pressured him. The scent was too strong. He flinched when Yamashita grabbed his wrist. Turning around he tried to escape, yanking his wrist out from the Alpha's strong grasp with a little energy left within his pained body.

"Is it fair for me?" Yamashita tightened his grasp.

He gritted his teeth. "Don't do this, Yamashita!"

He felt it.

 _He felt it_.

The haunting feeling from that night.

Run. Run. His brain told him.

 _Run_.

"You promised me..." he said, and he coughed, choked by the maggots crawled in his trachea.

He saw familiar lips moved. Open. Closed. Open. Closed. He heard nothing. No. He heard. He heard his voice. _That person._ His deep voice telling him to stop moving, to stop resting, so everything will be easier.

So he can rape him easier.

His brain worked harder as he tried finding words to complete sentences, his weak body fought the strength. Eyes closed tighter, but his feet stepped backward, pulling his wrist. Painful. Painful like the flashing memory in his head. Painful like his chest every time he coughed and tried to breathe. The words. The words. The words...

"You promised me you won't be like your brother!"

And he was breathing. Hard and fast. Drolls flew out from the corner of his gaped mouth. His eyes opened wide as if his eyeballs almost jumped from its sockets. And so did the Alpha's. And he didn't know since when he knelt on the rooftop floor, and Yamashita holding both of his wrists.

"I..." The Alpha murmured, releasing his wrists as he stood in his place.

He saw it, the same painful glint, the deer's orbs, but he didn't care. He fell on to the ground. He pushed his body backward, before turning around and bringing his body to stand up. Staggered, he stumbled to his knees once again but forcing himself to stand as fast as he could and started running towards the door. Only to bump himself on a big body standing at the door. Two hands grabbed his shoulders. Taka looked up, crooked teeth greeted him.

"What the fuck are you two doing? God, you stink Morita."

 _Andou_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Let me bathe you in a warm bath, bad kitty," Andou, a cat lover said to his sad looking cat.
> 
> ###
> 
> Thanks for reading. I actually surprised it had already almost a month since I posted the last chapter lmao. I thought it had been only two weeks or three. I'll try to update faster.
> 
> And this chapter, I tried to make it heavy. I hope it didn't feel cheap. :< I'd love a comment if you don't mind. See ya in next chapter.


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